reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Tag Archives: aggressiveness


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what we sow. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

the cosmos splashed across a bit of sidewalk were an invitation for attention. that color! instantly-happy-hot-pink.

she looked wary when i asked her if it was her house. she hesitated a moment and then answered, “yes, it is.”

we were passing by and, as is the case every time we pass by this house, we were charmed by the flowers out front, the porch, the cleverly colorful way the house is painted, the firepit in the front. it is just all delightful and so i told her, “we love it every single time we pass by.”

it wasn’t what she expected, i guess. she smiled, looking surprised, and thanked us, going back to watering her front garden.

and we walked on.

we are living in such trepidatious times. it seems much easier these days for people to say something negative to another person. we drive and blatant f*** you stickers are on vehicles, foul messages of rage and violence. it is clear that the bearers of these messages believe it is perfectly ok to display them to carloads of strangers – adults and children – with whom they are sharing the road. it’s disturbing. people have been given permission to be aggressive, to be filled with anger, to be vile to others.

and so, in light of all the rampant hostility, i realized – afterwards – that this young woman may have felt uncomfortable with my question “is this your house?” and i noted to myself to – next time – start with my compliment, “hi…we love this house every single time we pass by, so if it is yours i’d like you to know that.”

our town does a really spectacular job of flowers. there are stunning gardens in the parks by the harbor and beaches, pots of flowers hanging from the streetlights in downtown, in big planters on the sidewalk. they are all well taken care of and, from time to time, as we have passed people working in those gardens, we have thanked them. they always seem surprised.

i feel like we have fallen down on the job of being human when it is a surprise that someone is courteous, when it is a surprise to be complimented or treated kindly, when the expectation is first that of the possibility of pointed antagonism, when we succumb to spewing the loathsome and revolting rhetoric of hatred, divisiveness, bigotry.

we are what we sow.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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the tommys. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

there is a point that dumbing-it-down is to the point of ridiculous.

this sign – “this is a healing environment. aggressive behavior has no place here.” – was in a hospital elevator.

has humankind reached the outer-limit of insanity?

it made me feel physically ill to see this sign posted at the hospital. and yet, i’m guessing some people actually need the reminder. for aggression seems to be totally acceptable these days – even revered.

the second part of the sign spelled out what aggressive behavior is. as if those tending toward violence need a checklist of those things they should think twice about.

when tommy repeatedly twisted my wrist in elementary school – on the playground in third or fourth grade – i knew it was violent. though they tried to convince me that it was a form of affection – just teasing – i (and my reddened, sore wrist) knew better. i’ve actually seen him on social media in days of late – he is way down the rabbit hole, passing on vapid misinformation, his language usage aggressive, his bully tone the same as it was on the playground when he refused to stop twisting my wrist, when he refused to apologize. tommy has not changed.

apparently we do need to gear down – to spell out what violence is, what violence does, how violence destroys. and yet…though we are seeing – firsthand – the fallout of this administration’s brutal slashing of our democracy, the people who voted for this – and also being harmed by the vicious slash-and-burn – are still supporting this aggression.

for that is what it is. aggression.

and again, i am astonished by the level of bamboozle in which they have gleefully participated. i am astonished by the level of worship they have bestowed upon bullying leaders who could care less about them. i am way beyond disappointed to watch the same people i have known – or loved – for decades actively take part in disenfranchising others, in shredding the rights of so many living in this democracy, in violent rhetoric and action.

these last years – particularly since 2016 – have shown that so many of this country’s people have fallen prey, drowning in ignorance. they have given up any iota of critical thinking skills, have turned over their sanity to live inside the sicknesses of these destructive leaders. they have screamed and insurrected and forwarded lies and they have blasphemed – in word and deed – all that we believed them to have been, all that they pretended to be. they – apparently – need the sign in the hospital elevator in order to know how to behave, to be decent human beings.

it is all around us, this full-out aggression. in every arena. so much so that a place of healing has to put up signs.

it’s pathetic.

the tommys are winning.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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“go away!” yikes. [two artists tuesday]

go away 1 copy

“GO AWAY” it reads.  the sign on this front door is bracing.  not just a polite “no soliciting” or even a rougher “no trespassing”, “GO AWAY” is kind of frightening.  i don’t really like aggressive people…the kind of people who choose attack-mode first, before anything else.  the kind of people who act like they are “communicating”, but are, indeed, just stoking the fire with toxic non-communicative venom.  yikes.  GO AWAY.

reading the news app on our phones each morning makes us think the words “GO AWAY” every day.  certain folks, bullying and disrespectful, on all sides of the aisle, rungs of the ladder and regardless of their political leanings, need to tame their thinking and rhetoric.  it’s bracing.  yikes.  GO AWAY.

the person revving their engine in the car behind you.  they weave back and forth from one side of the lane to the other, flashing lights, putting their car into neutral, revving once again…all while you search for a place to safely pull over so that they might pass, despite the passing-zone you are driving in.  their angry behavior is bracing.  yikes.  GO AWAY.

the problem with all of this is that making someone GO AWAY doesn’t really make them go away.  it just nullifies the problem for a moment or two.  it doesn’t render them less aggressive; it doesn’t enlighten them.  it just makes you THINK they are gone.  unless you hold the whole world in a restraining-order-pose, you will have to deal with aggressive people and their aggression.  there must be a common place we can all share.

maybe we don’t really need signs that say “GO AWAY”.  maybe we need signs that say “COME IN.  LET’S TALK.”

read DAVID’S thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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when push comes to shove, don’t. [merely-a-thought monday]

civility 2 copy

my sweet momma always said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  although she stood her ground, she rarely pushed back.  well, maybe at my dad…i certainly heard her push back in that relationship.  she was a woman before her time, struggling to be seen and heard…in relationship, in work, in the world.  nevertheless, she led with kindness and generosity.

recently i surprisingly found myself in a situation where i felt the kind of civility that is needed to accomplish anything was lacking.  instead it was aggressive, pointed, antagonistic.  “when push comes to shove” implies escalation and this, indeed, was the case.  instead of actual conversation, it was a push-shove back-and-forth.  instead of communication, it was a shining example of what-not-to-do.

we drove past a passiton billboard on the way up north that read these words:  when push comes to shove, don’t.  civility is in you.  what does a boorish push or a retorted shove accomplish other than an establishment of immaturity, a driving desire and play for power and an uncooperative non-collaboration?

civility is not that hard.  it should be what we lead with.  respecting others and their place in their world.  we each get the same air to breathe and we each breathe in and out the same way.  instead of escalating to shove or pushing yet harder, how might we fill our lungs with responses of peacefulness, thoughtfulness, fairness, appreciation, intelligent consideration, magnanimity, grace, even reconciliation.  why must push come to shove?  it needn’t.

just don’t.

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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