reverse threading

the path back is the path forward


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hold tight in the liminal space. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

it was the last 60-something degree day in the forecast. from here on out, it’s all in the 50s and 40s. i mean, it is november. “but, but….” the brilliant-fall-day-loving part of me whines. no matter. it is what it is.

we tried to make the most of it. we spent it outside – in our backyard with dogga. we cleaned out the rest of the gardens, leaving all the grasses for critters’ safety and warmth over the winter. we took in the rest of the green cherry tomatoes and pulled the straggly plant. cleared off the other planters on the deck and tucked things away in the garage. sat in the sun in our adirondack chairs. and, when it was time for dogga’s nap, we took a much-needed walk in our ‘hood and along the lake and harbor channel. it was easy to walk miles – sunny with no wind. a perfect coda to the warm fall days we had had in early october.

someday we will chase this weather. when we have a vehicle that is not held together by zip ties or a vehicle that refuses to start at critical moments. it will be the someday that we are not rushing toward – because it will mean that our dogga will be with us in spirit and our hearts will be heavy with his loss. and so, we talk about road trips chasing this weather. we plan how we will check weather reports and apps with little homey places to rent and how we will just take off.

and in the meanwhile – in the meanwhile, we relish every moment here at home.

breck, out back, has decided to succumb – mostly, with the exception of a very few leaves – to late fall. there are aspen leaves all over our yard, which is pretty incredible to us. breck has grown big enough to have a fallen leaf presence on the ground. it brings me back to aspen stands in the woods in the mountains of colorado, to hiking, to babbling down-mountain brooks and high-mountain meadows…things that make me truly happy.

we step outside and there is a certain scent in the air. that leaf-falling woodsy aroma, the one that makes me wistful for the old woods behind my growing-up house, wistful for the planting fields and quiet beaches and apple orchards of long island. wistful for the wildflowers waning in high breck. wistful for the woods that surround the stream we’ve sat in numerous times in aspen, everything quiet around us. yes, the wistfuls have arrived.

and, in the middle of it all – this meanwhile liminal space in time we intimately share with our sweet old dogga – we ground ourselves in the sun – the one that will shine through our treasured aspen tree’s mostly-empty branches, the one that shines on the back fence and glints in our eyes, the one that will glance off the snow and brilliantly light the world, the one that is there even on the dreariest dark days – patiently waiting behind the clouds.

it’s kind of sad to see the warmer days end. we brace for the winter. we’re not really sure about what is to come – on so many levels.

but we will hold tight to the light of this sun and the promise of new each and every day.

*****

YOU HOLD ME © 1997, 2000 kerri sherwood

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golden heart. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

a week ago now, it was what we needed. a little love from the universe.

the day before the election, eight days into our sweet dogga’s idiopathic vestibular disease (read: terrifying episode of loss of equilibrium with lingering effects)…we were tired.

so stepping down off the deck onto the patio and seeing a bright and sunny heart did my heart good. i called d over to see it. we both stood, staring at it, breathing deeply…slower…hopeful.

we are still sleeping in the dining room – right next to the sunroom where our dogga is spending most of his time…and particularly his nights. as his symptoms ease up and he gets more steady, we will eventually move from the air mattress back to our bedroom. but neither of us minds. we are grateful to have had a way to be close to him for these last two weeks. we are grateful we have been able to be with him these last two weeks. we know that love heals and we are giving him big love in the hope that it will help diminish some mighty scary symptoms.

on the days that d carried dogga outside and we both stood guard along the pond as he wobbled around the yard, we took stock of everything we could. we noticed the changing leaves as they fell into the pond, we noticed the gathering of fallen golden and brown aspen leaves on the ground in our yard. we thanked the plants from the potting stand as we cleared up and stoked up for winter. we noticed – again – the curls of fur on dogga’s soft ears and the way his paws were striped with color. we moved slowly, if at all. inside, we have spent the last two weeks in the sunroom mostly and we are grateful.

we know that – just like for everyone and every thing – for our dogga there are no time guarantees. but we also know that every single day we have loved on him and supported him and helped him regain his strength. and i don’t think that there is anything more important that anyone can ask for in life.

to be loved, supported and helped.

golden universal heart.

*****

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in the wind. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

because it is the right time.

right now is – most definitely – the right time for prayer flags.

we had one set – brand new from the high mountains in colorado – and it was time to hang them.

and so, the day after the election, after adding blue lights to the tree branch on our deck, we hung the prayer flags.

it is not the first set of prayer flags we have hung. we had another set in the same place – flags that – after much wind and snow and ice and rain – disintegrated into the wind, spreading our prayers far and wide. we have another set that used to hang by our littlehouse on island – those are inside in our sunroom now. and then, this set.

this set was waiting, it seemed. waiting for a moment in time when it seemed an imperative to continually have prayer lifted up, sent into the universe with fervor.

and this is the right time.

so here they are – stretched between the back corner of our house to our garage. here they are – in bright sunlight under a big sky unblocked by the overhang of trees. here they are – in the space that receives the windiest west winds. here they are – over our pathway to our driveway and our cars, under which we walk every day. here they are – for all to see.

here they are – asking for peace, for unity, for freedom, for democracy, for accountability, for compassion, for goodness, for an end to the cruelty and evil destruction of our nation.

here they are.

prayers.

in the wind.

*****

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take what you need. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

he (or she) is taunting me.

there are little green cherry tomatoes stilllll on the plant and i’ve been waiting to pick them until they are at their most ripe-green stage. after that, i’ll put them on the counter and let them ripen (or in a brown bag)…i guess i will look that up. anyway, there are probably about twenty of them or so and i want to make a pasta dish with the last of our sweet harvest.

and then there is this squirrel. i’ve been referring to it as “him”, though it could be a “her” and i suppose i could just say “they” because i have no problem using inclusive language. but that is off-topic.

this squirrel – let’s assume her for now – i read maybe it is a lactating female who is trying to stay hydrated and will eat the less-than-ripe cherry tomato as a source of hydration (though i would also point to our oft-visited birdbath or the pond in our backyard as other options…)

this squirrel jaunts down from the trees onto the wires and into the garden next to barney. it climbs up barney and then scoots along the top of the fence, stopping to [what looks like] stare in the window at me, grinning. then it promptly hops down off the fence onto the empty potting stand and saunters over to the tomato plant to triumphantly choose which little tomato it wants.

the other morning i walked outside to see this cherry tomato picked, its top plucked off, a wee-little-bit of the inside eaten and then left in a really obvious place on the deck railing for me to find. “i was here,” the cherry tomato announced for the squirrel. i laughed and took a picture, leaving the tomato for whenever the squirrel wanted to finish it.

in the meanwhile, it got me to thinking.

this squirrel – male or female – lactating or just downright feisty-hungry – took what it needed. it left the rest for – well – another squirrel or another time or some other critter that might want some green tomato.

in these times of this very, very blue wave – in these first few days post-tide-change – i have taken hope and light from this election. i have allowed myself to breathe, to lessen the knot in the back of my neck a tiny bit, to hope that maybe goodness is rising – forcefully and with intention.

i have not relinquished a sense of caution nor have i thought – even for a minute – that the fight is over. and the current vile administration has since made it clear that learning anything whatsoever from this pushback wave is impossible…as is caring and concern for the american people.

so we take what we need – a breath, some hope, a little bit of light, a refreshing glimpse of decency – and we continue on.

we leave the literal (and figurative) green cherry tomato on the deck rail for others to grab a breath, some hope, a little bit of light, a glimpse of decency – or – at the very least – some hydration – and we keep on keeping on.

we won’t be taunted by this squirrel’s adorable antics. they are harmless, following the north star lessons of mother nature, and we are people who care about the critters out there.

and we also won’t be taunted by this administration’s inconceivably pathetic and desperate attempts to make this country an authoritarian state. extremism and cruelty are their north stars. and that is – most definitely – not who we are.

*****

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the hype of joy. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

the hype is on.

anywhere we go now – the home improvement store, costco, various other sundry-type stores – it has become the holiday season.

frankly, this year i understand it. i could even go so far as to say i embrace it.

people are looking for light and walking through the doors into a winter wonderland of decorations and holiday hoopla is most definitely somewhat spirit-lifting.

in our sunroom, on top of the little wooden cabinet that holds espresso cups and cloth napkins, right next to the nespresso machine, is a little stack of wooden boxes. the bottom box is a cigar box that was my grandmother mama dear’s. it has a magic marker letter Z on it because she, an amazing seamstress, stored zippers in it. next is a wooden box with a sliding lid – from my poppo’s workbench – that held bolts and now holds vintage clothespins. then – on the top – the piece de resistance – is the old wooden box-joint/dovetail cornered bakery crate from the mid-1900s. hanscom’s bakery was in philadelphia and used these wooden crates for their popular holiday fruit cake.

now, i realize that fruit cake will elicit a wide spectrum of visceral responses. i think, actually, that most people do not like fruit cake – rum and brandy soaked with sweet fruits and nuts and citron topping. it’s likely a texture thing. or a sweet fruit thing. or the fact that one piece could keep an army of people full for a very long time. nevertheless, i grew up on fruit cake.

my sweet momma would buy them in those familiar metal tins and we’d each have a chance to, well, at least pretend we were enjoying it. in later years, she gave each branch of the family a fruit cake of their own. it sort of marked the beginning of the holiday season, like poinsettias and wreaths.

anyway, the wooden box is exquisite and was also in my dad’s garage workshop and is one of my inherited treasures from him. and right now, i am delighted that its presence in our sunroom – where we are spending sooo much time with – and helping – our sweet vestibular-syndromed-dogga – might mark a start to a holiday season of light.

in the rest of decorating, we will wait a while. i’ll try to hold off until thanksgiving so as to relish the rest of fall, my favorite season.

but then, all bets are off. and i will join with the retail world in the hype – even perhaps overdoing the joy.

because, heck, we sure could use some more joy now.

fruit cake? not so much. but joy? absolutely.

*****

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the tippy top. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

…and now, quite near the very tippy top of our tree branch out on the deck – the one with happy lights and a peace sign – the one where tiny birds perch to rest (and our branch smiles) – the one that was broken off our sturdy old tree in the front yard – now, there are blue lights.

because.

and so, the last two nights – wednesday and thursday – when we have looked out of our sunroom windows a shiver has passed through me.

it is a shiver of gratitude. it is a shiver of some relief. it is a shiver of pride. it is a shiver of anticipation.

there are no guarantees, but we – as a nation – from sea to shining sea – have spoken up.

we have clung to ideals of morality and decency and democracy. with our vote, we have lit up hope.

today is friday again and – for the first time in a long time – it has been a good week for the united states of america.

*****

HOPE © 2004 kerri sherwood

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the seagull and the wave. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

….and the seagull stood

on the edge of the blue wave

watching and watching

filled with gratitude

for this nation that fought back

against all evil

he will stand there now

like the rest of us here, with

relentless courage

as this tide rolls, he

contemplates what’s next so that

goodness will prevail.

*****

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breathe in hope. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

late-late last night, with cautious hope, we went to sleep.

early-early this morning, with cautious hope, we rose to a new day.

we keep breathing…inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale….

with gratitude for a nation of people who spoke up, stood up, rose up, and voted.

with gratitude for younger and remarkably diverse candidates – with spectacular talent and vision.

holding to this blue wave with tenacity, knowing the road forward will not be easy.

but it is lined with the reminder of decency and morality, integrity and a staunch belief in democracy.

inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…

*****

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the choice. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

it’s that simple.

what is the future you choose – for you, your children, your grandchildren, the populace of this nation, the health and well-being of the entire world?

dictator or democracy?

there’s no more time.

decide carefully.

please vote.

*****

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do your part. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

read. think. vote.

it would seem obvious.

and desperately important.

because perhaps – in exercising your citizen rights and duties – you should be as informed as possible.

because perhaps – in exercising your citizen rights and duties – you should balance what you have learned with what moral integrity actually means and determine where – on the continuum – you honestly stand.

because perhaps – in exercising your citizen rights and duties – you should seek the truth – not just the bandwagon hooplah of your political bubble, the one that excuses you from any other research.

because perhaps – in exercising your citizen rights and duties – you should maybe feel protective of your citizen rights and duties.

because perhaps – in exercising your citizen rights and duties – you should vote for that which will ensure you continue to have these citizen rights and duties.

read. think. vote.

yup. it’s obvious.

and it’s desperately important.

do your part.

please.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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