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stressed. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

littlebabyscion has almost 287,000 miles on it. this little xb has traveled far and wide with me – always keeping me (and then, us) safe. the rocker panel skirt on the passenger side is now held on by a black zip tie (black so as not to draw attention to itself), but LBS has continued to proudly zip us around town, even with its unglamorous wheel rims.

we hadn’t driven it in a bit – there is no longer a/c in it and the humid summer days made it hot-as-heck without a/c – but we were weary of spending $100 to fill up big red in the current days of this country’s dysfunction. so, as it cooled down, we decided to switch the two in our one-car driveway and zip around in LBS again. (plus, big red was making a few strange noises and needed an appointment with steve.)

it felt like freedom driving LBS again – to move around in a much smaller vehicle that is not drinking up a gallon of gas just to go to and return from the grocery store.

and there it was – that sound. undeniable. LBS needed yet another new “lifetime” muffler and exhaust system. this little vehicle left no room for debate as this attention-getting sound got louder and louder and as the fumes in the vehicle necessitated wide open windows. asphyxiation was not a part of the equation, so wide open windows it was.

the signs were there. so was the list of other issues that the mechanic presented us with…oy! we made an appointment and the “lifetime” exhaust system was replaced. even though it was a “lifetime” warranty, i’ll just point out that doesn’t include labor, of course. but LBS wasn’t going to function properly without it. and it was warning us that we could be inundated by the fumes. it would be on us – and our own willful stupidity – if we asphyxiated after LBS clearly warned us.

breck – our aspen out back – is in stress mode. whether the high heat of the summer, or a water (too much/too little) issue or some sort of disease, some of its leaves have some dark spots and curled edges. we will likely go to the local tree nursery and ask a few questions; we want to be sure to help breck prevail. and – much like LBS – it is telling us it is stressed.

how anything in this world could be anything but stressed right now is beyond me.

we are trying – with an exercise regimen, with long daily walks, with some deliberate meditation – to mediate this stress. i can’t say it is entirely helping, but i also must say that it is not hurting. staying grounded and steady, moving forward with goodness and truth, caring about our democracy and the virtue of its ideals and laws as they impact the whole populace – these require a constancy that rides stress like a bucking bronco and holds on.

in less than twenty days, it will be time to vote. there are dark spots and curling edges freaking everywhere now – in every dark and morally vacuous corner of the current administration’s intentions.

while the whole entire tree is not yet entirely and grossly affected, we need to take action and do whatever needs to be done to eradicate that which is stressing breck, that which could snuff its very life.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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beyond a shadow of a doubt. [kerri’s blog on flawed wednesday]

if i doubted at all – in the middle of these splendidly sunny and warm days – bonus days, really (or payback for the un-wisconsin-ish intense summer days) – that fall was actually here, this tree informed me beyond a shadow of a doubt.

we passed it on the sidewalk just down the block around the corner from our house. i stopped and went back to it, drawn by the vivid colors. gorgeous.

and it left no doubt. it is autumn.

funny about those things that leave no doubt in your mind, things about which you are convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt.

that doubt thing – the shadow of a doubt thing – beyond reasonable doubt – is important. all logic and rational sense, all evidence points to the fact that fall is beginning.

and so what is it – in this country at this time – that has not moved the entire populace into knowing – beyond a shadow of a doubt – beyond all reasonable doubt – that this current administration is – with every single thing in its power – perceived or stolen – foisting authoritarianism upon this nation?

what is it – in this country at this time – that has not proven to the entire populace that the good of the people does not matter to this current administration?

what is it – in this country at this time – that has not shown to the entire populace that there is no point at which this current administration will stop to hold onto positions, tether itself to power, exercise all gluttonous efforts to feed itself on all-the-money-it-can-get?

what is it – in this country at this time – that has not delivered to the entire populace the message of this current administration – of cruelty, of isolation, of division, of rights-less survival, of bigotry and misogyny, of xenophobia and white supremacy?

what is it – in this country at this time – that keeps the entire populace from knowing, from being horrified, from rejecting this heinousness?

because – beyond a shadow of a doubt – the leaves are clearly changing.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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particularly now. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

for years now, walter and irma have had an ongoing spat about our backyard. they have argued over and over about whether or not we would everrrr get a flat feeder for them – this beautiful pair of cardinals who are loyal to our address.

every time walter would moan and complain irma would reassure him, “i know they will get one. just be patient,” she’d tweet at him, admonishing him for his lack of faith.

we have a “regular” hanging birdfeeder and we have a handed-down standing birdfeeder (which, right now, we aren’t stocking since it has been a source of sustenance for a very large raccoon family who are likely the culprits doing damage to our roof and our neighbor’s.)

but the flat feeder we had in our sights was a bit out of reach for our budget – wild birds unlimited has a really fabulous set-up: a pole that discourages even acrobatic squirrels (of which we have plenty), a little umbrella and flat feeder, various other feeders for various other species of birds and all in recycled plastic that should last throughout the seasons. just not really in the line-up of things-to-buy right now.

so walter was kind of right – his kvetching about our slow response to their flat-feeder-needs might have been well-earned.

until this week.

d and i love to watch our birds. particularly in these times. we sit on the deck or out on the patio (or even in the sunroom at our bistro table by the window) and watch them fly in and out, at the feeder, on the top of barney, at the birdbath or the pond – getting sips of water. they warm our hearts – these innocent creatures. they calm our spirits and they do us good.

it suddenly occurred to us that we might be able to just simply build our own flat feeder – out of scraps of wood in the basement – in order to at least tide over these cardinals and finches – particularly walter and irma – who like to eat their schnibbly seeds while looking all around them to keep safe.

we can totally understand the need to look all around to stay safe. we are all in that mode these days, i’d say. this country is giving us a run at what we can make our own efforts to save our democracy – to push back lurking authoritarianism that is the apex predator for us all.

and so we went into the basement and found the exact right size piece of scrap wood. some paint, glue and four screws, some hooks, some jute, screen that was rolled up in the rafter, and a shower hook later, we were ready for the royal couple.

d did the honor of hanging the feeder on the pole. we clapped and sat back and waited.

nothing happened.

not one bird even ventured near it.

here we were, trying our best to address their needs and not one of them even explored our new flat feeder.

the next day was the same.

and so was the next.

it was somewhat depressing.

and then….it happened.

suddenly, there was a cardinal on the edge of the feeder. and then he moved INTO the feeder. and then he started to munch on the safflower in there!!

not a big moment in the overall scheme of things – particularly now – but a moment nonetheless.

for we saw a need and we tried to address it. even the creatures and critters around us have needs. it may not be fancy – or the most perfect flat feeder – but in these times if we just all do the best we can, offer the best we can – in every way – it makes a difference.

walter and irma perched on the fence at the back line.

irma glanced over at walter, “see?” she said.

from the patio, i swear i could see walter rolling his eyes.

but i also could hear his tiny brain, “she’s always right.”

even so, he turned toward her. and with a belly full of safflower seeds, he chirped to irma, “i love it.“

we each have a chance to make a positive difference in these days. whether big or small – or even tiny – everything counts. in our own homes, in the backyard, in the ‘hood or our community, in our state and in our country, in this beautiful world – which desperately needs us to participate in goodness. particularly now.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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to see for itself. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

there were fewer people as we walked along the harbor. it was a weekday and school was back in session. some of the big boats were being lifted out of the water for dry dock. the minks were scurrying around and the gulls were likely frustrated with fewer available schnibbles readily accessible. the light is golden, the sky is azure. it is a stunning day. we spent time with the bees out on the patio, until the bees were just too much. so we took a walk.

the alien showed up on our way back. we had made the big loop – along the sidewalk, through the park, hugging the beach, around the point, along the harbor and then – east – onto the walk along the lake’s rocky shoreline, down the channel and back along the marina.

and there it was. just standing there. it wasn’t scary. it was actually quite cute. and it held up two fingers in a galaxy-wide understood symbol of “peace”.

we flashed peace signs back to it and it grinned.

we pondered why it was there.

i’m thinking that it must have shown up because it had to actually check in on this earth…to see for itself.

it had to jaunt over – like, perhaps, many of its cohorts – to “normal” places in these united states to view how it is that we-the-people are continuing to allow the utterly dangerous ravings of the leader of this country, how it is that we-the-people are continuing to permit our very lives, our resources, our land, our rights, our allied loyalties, our respect to be desecrated – to be shat upon – by this administration. it had to jaunt over to see for itself the decimation, the schisms, the lunacy of this time – when – last it checked – when ET stopped in – we were a relatively good people.

i’m not sure if it found any answers, this cutie-patootie alien.

i’m pretty sure it left with as many questions as it came here with. “why?” is a big question but, apparently, there has been much heinous and clandestine planning for this shocking, morally-devoid takeover. it goes way back. the corruption is rampant and generational.

every now and again since, as we walk on our walk, we look for our alien friend. it hasn’t been there but we pretty much know the reasons.

i mean, i can certainly understand why an alien wouldn’t choose such a place of disunity, of dismantling – of disgrace – when it could simply stay where it was, hanging out with ET and sharing peace.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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11th on the 10th. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

this year is 11 on the 10th.

most of the people we know – or hang around with – have like 40 or more. 11 is way different than 40. in some ways, it is like we are still newlyweds, not quite catching up to the tenure our friends have had in their relationships or marriages.

i wonder – sometimes – if we will have 40 someday. we’d be well into our nineties. considerably different than 40 in your sixties. i guess we’ll find out. i hope so.

in the meanwhile, we will be rambling on – traveling what is now the daisy path – trying to attend to the littlest details of this thing that is love, trying not to miss stuff, trying not to be lax or in any way aloof. because – no matter what – we will have less. less time, less experiences, less of a life arc together. so every thing counts.

we had different plans for this 11th anniversary. plans to be away on this day, plans to hike under high mountain sun, plans to renew our vows. but you know the story. our dogga needs us to stick around here right now. and so here we are. cause that’s what love is.

the daisy path is not etched in stone. this tender path is fluid and the dirt under our feet creates stardust as we walk along it.

when i dip, he raises me up. when he dips, i lift him. when my frustration gets the best of me, he helps reorganize how i am thinking. when his frustration gets the best of him, i help him cut to the core of what’s actually important. when a tear falls on my face, he can feel it. when a tear falls on his face, i weep along with him.

it’s the same with laughter and simple stuff and beauty and anticipation and moments of adventure and moments of glory.

we don’t have as much time as our friends. so the time we have seems amplified. and every day is liminal space between where we have been together and where we are going.

and the tiniest things are bigger.

*****

AND NOW © 2015 kerri sherwood

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spikelet awns in the house. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

soon and very soon we will have to trim the stunning plumes off the grasses in the backyard. dogga loves to walk right alongside these grasses and the spikelets attach to his fur. posing as perfectly harmless golden seedheads, these little spikelet awns end up on our bed, in our socks, on the area rug in the living room – and ultimately stab us repeatedly, until one finds the source of the pain and removes it.

last year…as fall progressed and the number of spikey jabs increased, it occurred (slowly) to us to remove the source – and so we reluctantly trimmed the plumes out back, even though the way they catch the sunlight is remarkable.

nevertheless, they somehow sneak in, these tiny posers. and we heroically hold up one or two showing each other that we have literally saved the other’s life.

it’s those sneaker-inners that plague us…like needles from a long-gone christmas tree…they show up…and the longer they are around, the dryer and pointier they get. so it is important to try and eradicate them from inside the house as soon as possible.

ahhh…speaking of eradicating them from inside the house – we are ever closer to midterms and the big house – that-white-one-that-no-longer-has-an-east-wing – the one that every single one of us owns – that house needs big time eradication of the posers lodged there.

any reason to continue to tolerate that which brings pain is not acceptable.

they are seeding nothing but cruelty, bigotry, gluttony, self-serving agenda. and it is all at our peril.

we are wise enough to remove the spikelet awns from our comforter, our rugs, our socks.

we must remove the same from the leadership of our country.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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everything. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

everything changed that day.

it was thirteen years ago today.

everything was already changing. we were on our way from seattle in a budget truck – david’s stuff loaded in the back – moving him to wisconsin. everything was in flux for both of us and we were riding on trusting the universe, a 20′ truck and love. it was no small deal.

as you have already read before, the sign “aussie pups” caught my attention and we turned around to drive up the hill at the farm. with only one puppy left – in sore need of adoption – we followed farmer don to see it.

d told me that australian shepherds are usually multicolored, merle, browns and whites and auburns with a bit of black, but never all black – which was good since we had decided that sooooomeday we would get a puppy – a black one so fur wouldn’t show up on our decidedly black wardrobe.

the only thing was – farmer don told us that the reason his only puppy was not being adopted was…wait for it…because he was all black.

cue life change.

we fell for his amber eyes the moment we saw him and he bounded over to us, curious about who he obviously knew was his new family.

even though we left a deposit and drove across the state, debating dog/no-dog/dog/no-dog for the next couple days, we figure dogga knew that whole time.

and then we drove back.

we picked him up. and our hearts and our family grew.

and now – as we watch him aging before our very eyes – as we pass through days when we are so, so worried about him – like this past weekend – we know our time is limited.

“this is nothing new,” you are thinking, “you’ve been writing about this.”

and yes…you are right…we have both been writing about this.

but today – today is that day – the day we met the aussie-angel who has walked with us. and that is a big deal.

he now has tiny grey hairs scattered across his face, not just around his muzzle. and every now and then he looks a little confused when he wakes up. there are other issues and concerns and we deal with each and have many workarounds. we stay home or close to home. there is nothing we can do to change it. we are in this with him just like he has been in life with us, through it all.

as 20 wrote the other day, “no matter how much love and sacrifice we give, we just can’t change the outcome.”

exactly.

what we can do is celebrate the moment that all that black fur came bounding at us – a full-throttled expression of exuberance, a full-throttled expression of i-am-who-you-need, a full-throttled expression of love that has carried us for thirteen glorious years of time spent together.

there are many things we are not doing these days, simply so that we are here for dogga. no matter.

we can hardly remember the before. we cannot think about the after. these days are the important ones.

in every way we are grateful that thirteen years ago our dogga – tripper – chose us and the universe gave us the wisdom to drive back.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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things enchanting. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

such beauty.

i don’t know who – in our town’s parks department – is responsible for plotting what will be planted in the big urn planters around the city or in the hanging pots or in the gardens…but my hat is off to that person. their grasp of color and texture and how they all juxtapose with each other is exquisite. and it shows in each and every planter and garden.

regardless of who it is – precisely, who is the designer – there are many, many others on crews who spend all their working hours tending these gardens, watering and weeding and deadheading – the zillion little tasks that make a garden look effortlessly stunning.

our city has taken inordinate care of these gardens and planting vessels all through the years, preserving the zen people feel while walking in and amongst the yield of this hard work. we are both proud of these gardens and grateful for them, walking through practically every day, noticing the tiny nuances of change as the seasons move – the late spring planting into summer into fall. the smell of cocoa mulch permeates the garden down by the lake and – between the scent of flowers and cocoa – it is enchanting and heavenly.

eric hanson’s video speaks to the current administration’s shrinking of national monuments bears’ ears and grand staircase-escalante national monuments. no small reduction, these federally protected lands lost 90% of their acreage. this reduction opens these lands up to private exploitation, ignoring the native spiritual and conservation environmental regulations that kept them safe and not accessible to road-building or the deployment of heavy machinery for resource mining. these vulnerable lands are gorgeous, part of the history of these United States, enchanting and inviting, a piece of heaven not only for native peoples but for the entire populace of this nation – which – as the video pointed out – are literally owned by we-the-people.

why it is that the administration would work to eliminate protecting the natural beauty of our country is truly beyond the scope of my imagination. so is the rest of what this administration is doing – i simply cannot comprehend the vile, heinous stuff they are – ruthlessly – enacting.

each day our at-least-3.5-mile walk takes us past our city’s gardens and planters along the harbor channel and inland around the marina. each day we are grateful for the careful attention paid to these places of beauty.

the times i have been in utah’s canyonlands or near any of its wild have spoken to my soul. there is a deep root connection to the earth there, a glorious sense of the freedom that is supposedly the law of this land, and sheer enchantment and wonder at how anything could possibly be so stunning.

again, i say, they-in-this-administration have no reverence. for anything.

and as a person with a finite life – just like all of them – i cannot begin to grok the shortsightedness of that.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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😮 [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

two saturdays ago – on the 26th – we noticed on our weather app that the total daylight – for that very day – was 11 hours 59 minutes. the sun rose at 6:43 am and set at 6:42 pm. almost exactly half and half. we missed the actual half and half day, but we were still astounded by these numbers and nodded our heads, honoring the equinox.

i’m not sure we are really ready for the aftermath of the equinox. not yet. as these days get shorter – and the nights get longer – my wistful grows. so we change the timers on the garden lights, the living room lights, lamps in the bedrooms upstairs. we turn on the happy lights sooner and light candles. we mitigate the darker season that will arrive, anticipating and alleviating the impact earlier darkness has on us.

we are getting closer and closer to the midterms. the halfway point between big presidential election cycles. where time that came before is what is to come. so much in the before. what will be the after? it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

so much is riding on this election. our country is being destroyed, brick by brick by brick. it is blatant. it is mindbogglingly breathtaking. thinking about what could come is both paralyzing and numbing. it is not as simple as the amount of daylight decreasing. it is the amount of LIGHT decreasing.

at this point – on this day – there are precisely 29 days left.

my sweet poppo – a man who dedicated part of his life to the united states army air force, who was missing in action and then taken prisoner of war in world war II, who earned a purple heart and has his story told in the records of the smithsonian – this man is freaking the hell out as our democracy teeters…even from the other plane in which he exists. and with him are all the others who have fought for this country’s freedoms, rights, constitution. all the others who have resisted, protested, died for this country and its republic. all the others who have pushed back against all manner of authoritarianism.

and i am with him. my pompoms are solidly in the stop-this-takeover camp. i no longer have any tolerance for anyone who is cheering on the madness of the current administration. they have clearly not anticipated the impact that kind of darkness will have on us.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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notice-wonder-mode. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

sometime in the two-thousand-aughts my girl and my boy gifted me with a tall bamboo vessel filled with feathery ochre and barn red reeds. it immediately found its way into a special spot – any gifts they give me are so very cherished – and it has moved around from time to time.

its last long-term place of residence was in our sitting room, but we did some rearranging a couple years back and it found its way into our bedroom, right between the gingham wingback recliner and the windows. the east windows. and there it has stayed – this place where it welcomes the sun each day and holds steady as light streams over it. from our perch on the pillows, it is a beautiful fluff of color and light and shadow. i can’t imagine it in a better place.

on a morning recently, the sun was coming up at just the right angle to tiger-ize these dried plumes. stunning. the things you notice when you are in notice-wonder-mode.

on a walk recently we talked about our life together. things are pretty simple these days – as we hold vigil for our dogga – not venturing out too far for too long. some days are better than others for him. some days he has puppy-face on and he is strong and vibrant and enthusiastic. some days he has old-man-face on and he is slow and tired and his stomach is upset and it is clear that he is uncomfortable. the difference in these days is striking and there is no way to predict which day it will be when the sun is rising.

dogga wakes us around 4:30. he is hungry from the overnight fast and so he recognizes that his sensitive belly needs breakfast. after he eats, we sleep for maybe another hour – maybe – but then he wakes us because, well, we think he wants us up, he wants our company, he wants to start what he knows is the morning ritual – “put the coffee on,” he urges.

like people with sensitive bellies or dietary concerns or various other health reasons, he eats little bits every few hours. it seems to really help him. we make special meals for him and try to read him best as we can.

we were invited to go away with friends recently. not only was the weather going to be perfect but we love our adventures with these friends and so getting away with them would have been perfect as well.

we struggled with leaving dogga.

and ultimately decided we couldn’t go.

we don’t know what will happen to our old dogga as these days go by. we know we are very lucky to still have him with us. no matter what, our commitment to him has to outweigh anything we are doing just for ourselves, outweigh any fomo, outweigh any uncertainty. this sweet aussie has given his whole life to us – he has ridden the roller coaster of the last thirteen plus years with us – he has been steadfast and sensitive and intuitive and our rock. we stand in all these moments now with him, without knowing the course that things will take.

and so, we will be in notice-wonder-mode. the moon rising over the lake, the last cherry tomatoes and a bit of remaining basil, the edges of the aspen leaves changing, an exchanged glance yoga-mat-to-yoga-mat as we exercise in the living room, the bazillion blooms on the black cherry mum, the taste of an oven-baked baked potato with just salt and pepper, the crunch of homemade salsa on a chip, first morning coffee, the coze of our new sweatshirts, dogga grinning at us during a belly-belly, an unsolicited text from the kids, the first jeans day of fall, and, yes, the golden light on the plumes by the window.

*****

as it is © 2004 kerri sherwood

read DAVID’s thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

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