the sky set softly on the end of the day. it was chilly on the patio, though still. any wind off the lake had eased up. it had been a day.
we attended the hands-off protest here in our town. i had some trepidation before we left to go. still too close in memory are the riots from 2020. still too close are the screaming-loud trucks-with-flags driving around our neighborhood before the election. still too close is the distorted reality that we witness from people who voted for all this destruction, chasms of morality difference. still too obvious is the hyped-up aggression we are witnessing every day. too much to bear is the annihilation of civil rights, impartial justice, checks and balances based on the rule of law. trepidation seems appropriate.
but the protest was inspiring. heartening. people – regular folks – rising up for the rights and freedoms of our constitution, speaking up for our democracy.
the footage around the country – big cities and small towns all – of people – neighbors and friends and strangers – all standing together to clutch onto every filament of this republic.
and i wondered, “what now?”
for fighting fascism from this side of the election seems much more onerous than from the other side – before the election – when people needed to completely grok the far-reaching impact of their very important vote.
we have an arduous journey in front of us. and i know so many of us are already exhausted.
if you don’t feel overwhelmed right now – and you are in the united states – than you are – clearly – an anomaly.
we pulled up behind this car at a stoplight. the “#notnormal” bumpersticker got my attention.
nothing seems normal. nothing IS normal.
we – in this country – are facing down the collapse of everything we have known, understood, loved.
it is utter madness. crazy-deranged. grotesquely-mean. sociopathic.
i am resisting. i am trying to resist. and i am failing.
i am resisting fear. i am resisting depression. i am resisting confusion. i am resisting horror. i am resisting rage. i am resisting the madness.
i am trying to resist fear. i am trying to resist depression. i am trying to resist confusion. i am trying to resist horror. i am trying to resist rage. i am trying to resist the madness.
i am failing at resisting fear. i am failing to resist depression. i am failing to resist confusion. i am failing to resist horror. i am failing to resist rage. i am failing to resist the madness.
all of it. a melting pot of fear, depression, confusion, horror, rage, madness and – yes – resistance.
because this is all so exponentially not normal.
we – all the rest of us mortals – are all trying to breathe one breath at a time. in and out. inhale. exhale.
and we – each in our own way – resist the madness.
because every day brings another round of chaos, we will dedicate this week’s smack-dab to the insanity of tariffs. because our country definitely needs more corruption at this point. because our country needs to be isolationist, self-serving, narcissistic, powermongering. because our country needs the rich to be richer and the poor to be much, much poorer. because this administration is extorting the hell out of anyone and everyone – and getting away with it. because this is a time of gross incompetence and evil.
because we – personally – have so many things of value – big value, big-big-value-you’d-be-amazed-at-how-much-value – it occurs to me that if everything will cost significantly more, than – following the thread of insanity – everything we already have is worth significantly more. voila!
so let’s do a little inventory. because these tariffs “aren’t supposed to affect us” mere mortals. let’s twist that a bit (because twisting things seems to be in vogue). let’s apply these taaaariffs to the stuff we already have – so we can inflate our own [perceived] value in this time of warped economic instability. the ridiculous begets more ridiculous.
take our vehicles, starting with our brand-newest.
that makes littlebabyscion’s 2006-280,000 miles value rise a dramatic 25% based on the announced auto tariff. or – it makes littlebabyscion’s value rise 24% – if you base it on the fact that it is a japanese automobile, a toyota. either way, the real news is – drumroll – that any percentage of zero is zero.
well, that should be enough examples.
because it seems like this administration wishes to poor-us-down (in addition to dumb-us-down and bigot-us-up and extort-us-all) we will just sit here and hold onto LBS. a 25% tariff on new automobiles makes a new automobile for us – mere mortals – absolutely impossible. especially when we don’t know what we don’t know – about the coming days of healthcare and medicare and social security and student loans and interest rates and banking security and the price of a can of diced tomatoes or black beans. not to mention the fallout of ignoring climate change and spreading disease and decreasing water supply and the annihilation of civil rights.
it’s exhausting. i wonder if these people stay up at night trying to think up all the cruelest things they can do to us – the populace – the mere mortals – as well as everyone else – around the world – sans those in their chaos-club. but i know better. all this was pre-written in the project playbook and those in the bully–club are just gleefully following the plays.
if thinking this is all ok is what it takes to be in that club – or on the red bandwagon – or in the unforgivable cheering squad on the sidelines – then i’m glad i’m not in the club.
it’s empty of heart, void of soul and full of sadistic insanity.
tomorrow we will go to the voting booth again. we take this seriously each and every time.
for weeks now we have been inundated with postcards, signs, doorstep visits, calls, texts, emails – because – tomorrow – our state has a state supreme court justice vote.
because people – so, so many people – are one-issue voters and seemingly easily swayed – there is much fervor over this election. it’s important in many ways – gerrymandering the state and abortion rights at the forefront.
one candidate would like to keep wisconsin both gerrymandered and rolled back to 1849 – when there were few rights for women – including the right to determine their own healthcare, when, even in the case of rape or incest, abortion was outlawed. now, it goes to figure that this candidate is a man – because, well, of course. sexist misogyny in the usa.
the other candidate – a woman – wishes to keep wisconsin out of the 19th century because, well, we’re a quarter of the way into the 21st century now. she would like women’s rights to be equitable to men’s, because, well, that equality thing and all. she would like people to have equal voting rights. again, that equality thing. enlightened in the usa.
because reading, researching, asking questions, seeking truth seem to have gone by the wayside, the candidate-supported-by-the-oligarch-buying-votes who believes in suppressing workers’ voices, stripping healthcare and fair pay, supporting giant corporations and the extraordinarily wealthy can just as easily win as the woman-earning-the-votes can – this woman who has fought to protect workers’ fair pay and benefits, secure affordable healthcare.
because, well, people zero in on one – and only one – issue and vote on that with no consideration of the overview, the other issues, the fact that they are being hoodwinked into thinking that this candidate – who has opined on the one issue – has any policy whatsoever that aligns with the values of democracy.
to vote on one issue is to lose perspective of the whole. and the candidates – the ones on the red wagon screaming about trans people and dei and fraud and waste and conception and various other distractions that are entertaining wagonriders – are throwing the tenets of democracy into the gutter and are counting on wagonriding mob-mentality stupidity.
tomorrow we will go to the voting booth again. we desperately hope that we will be able to say this again in two years, in four years, from now on. we take it seriously each and every time.
we hope every single person with the privilege of voting – in any state of this country – takes it seriously as well. these are the moments that will make or break democracy. take – at least – a minute and inform yourself. don’t get lost in the weeds of propaganda or gross misinformation.
“sometimes hope is a radical act, sometimes a quietly merciful response, sometimes a second wind, or just an increased awareness of goodness and beauty.”(anne lamott)
he burst back in the front door exclaiming, “you have to go see!!”
for good reason.
the day lilies had poked through the leaves and dried stalks and, in the middle of all that brown – tucked up against the old brick wall – there was green.
the brick wall holds the warmth of the southern sun. nestled in that garden, the day lilies – an ordinary plant with nothing froufrou about it – were encouraged and nurtured. and so, even in the cold temperatures and the occasional snow flurry, the day lilies responded. gleefully. and their rising out of the dirt, their bright green of newness, gave me – us – hope. spring is here.
it would seem that people are not much different. there is a spring for ordinary people – with nothing froufrou about them – who are encouraged and nurtured. there is hope.
this country – filled with ordinary folks – has generally prided itself – congratulated itself – on its stance on human rights, on altruism, on its generosity of safety net programs. the melting pot that is the populace has been supported by a democracy that upholds humane values of fairness, equity, legality, goodness, kindness.
but it appears now we have been congratulating ourselves on something that was ticking its way out of existence, being usurped by intense greed and corruption, shallow conscience and deep-seated hatred. this source of our national pride is disintegrating right in front of us – being poisoned and stifled and ripped to shreds – and now it seems demolition is seconds away.
and there is nothing that the sun, the warm bricks, the insulating dry leaves and brush can do.
what will happen to the day lilies?
“hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. you wait and watch and work. you don’t give up.” (anne lamott)
i imagine that there are many people out-there who are also grieving. grieving the loss of any level of a sane government, grieving the loss of democracy and all its fittings, grieving the loss of freedoms or rights or jobs or benefits or support or opportunity or various other basic human needs. grieving the loss of family and friends who decided this vile cruelty was what they wanted. grieving the disappearance of others’ bottom line of protecting those they supposedly love. grieving relationships and honest conversation. grieving compassion and kindness as the lead intentions of a free world. grieving the structure of the rule of laws. grieving a place that is not fraught with corruption, greed and violent aggression. grieving.
i would be lying if i said i think it will all go back to normal some day – these relationships, this country. i don’t believe anything will be normal again.
the betrayal against basic humanity and basic tenets of goodness is not something easily overlooked, tossed aside or forgiven.
we do sometimes feel like an island. but we aren’t, really. we have a connectedness with a chosen family of generously big-hearted people for which we are grateful.
it was a stunner of a day. brilliant sun, azure blue sky, wisps of clouds, hardly anyone else on the trail. we were in heaven. we needed to be outside, to go move, to see the beautiful river trail coming to life. they were easy miles to hike – we had to stop ourselves and turn around or we would have gone way too far.
the wind just arrived. just now. like a switch, it went from stillness outside to the swirling of wind, the noise of wind, the worry of wind. writing this ahead, it is saturday and extreme weather has and is taking its toll on the country. we have had a wind advisory and wind warnings now for days. we have been alerted.
i laid awake last night for hours. the rain and wind woke me up, but the state of things kept me up. the trees falling are only one of many things on the current angst-list.
i know that it is important to keep things in somewhat of a balance – to shimmy over to the side of seeing beauty, feeling peace, being present, particularly during these obscenely chaotic times here. but the things that are happening to this country are real – they are actually happening, and, as a citizen of this country, i wonder where it is that there may be an outer limit. my fear – one of the nightmonsters – is that there is no outer limit. cruelty knows no bounds and as noam chomsky is quoted, “…evil doesn’t even begin to approach it.”
if it gets too windy as we write we will move into another room, for right behind our pillows is a very tall pine and my imagination is working overtime. i can feel the vibration in my chest vibrating, so i know that i am on alert. this is an all-too-familiar feeling these days. we are all often in fight or flight mode now, it seems. acute stress.
the day after this day of brilliantness we had another hike, though shorter. we sat on the deck and soaked up the warmth, sipped wine, talked about inane topics that kept us strayed away from current events. we had a couple other days of early spring weather before the in-like-a-lion kicked in. i’ve always been heartened by the out-like-a-lamb and, each year, pretty much depend on it…full-fledged counting on this idiom.
i wish the same were true for the state of our nation. that even though march – less than two months into this corruption – came in like a lion – it would go out like a lamb.
but you can’t count on folklore for the weather or politics. both are chaotic and neither is haphazard. one is natural, and is a result of the interactions of scientific systems; the other is deliberately machinated, a result of amoral strategy and self-serving intention.
one has the potential to be a lamb. the other is just aggressive, with high kill rates.
in researching it is curious to me to read – now that we are talking about aggressive creatures – that the deadliest creature on earth is the mosquito. i’m guessing that many people are not aware of this and, to them, sans any research or factoids, the mosquito is merely a noisy nuisance. in reality, the mosquito – as a creature – poses the most mortal threat to humans.
sounds like this new administration. and i’d venture the same guess – that many people – particularly those who – with fox-jacked-up anger – threw their votes onto the dysfunctional red bandwagon – sans any research or factoids – are not aware and, to them, the noise is just that – noise.
the tree lit up as the sun began to sink. oranges, reds, it was golden, the moon next to it, hanging out in the late just-sprang-forward afternoon sky.
we were sitting on the deck in our adirondack chairs – on an unexpected beautiful, warm day. it was the first time we sat outside in the sun since november.
on the same day, we took a hike in the woods, our spirits lifting with each step taken without cold wind in our faces. though we hike on very cold days with very cold winds, this was a glorious day. golden, for sure.
and nature is the only essence with which to credit this golden day. nothing else. no one else.
though the White House et al credit themselves with “the golden age of america [is here]” it is beyond delusional and a disgusting display of fealty from the capitulating folks this prez placed into powerful positions. stripping rights, freedoms, safety from the populace, putting the economy into chaos, hunting down immigrants to whisk away into oblivion, cutting helping programs that aid people so that 1% might get richer, turning our nation into a pariah no longer trusted by the world…newsflash…this is not the golden age.
we are not the elite. we are those people who wish to collect social security, who wish to have healthcare through medicare or the affordable care act, who wish to afford groceries and housing, utilities and upkeep, who wish to have income-based repayment plans for the criminally predatory decades-long student loans that have been reigning our finances, who wish to have economic stability, who wish to travel without fear of stigma, who wish to live in a country with principles based on equality and compassion, who wish our gay adult son and our childbearingyears daughter to have rights and freedoms for their own decision-making about their relationships, their health, their bodies, any children they may or may not choose to have. i’ve said it before – we are the masses. we feel this.
but, just as the moment when an olympic athlete climbs atop a podium to collect a gold medal for this country and you can feel it down to your toes, we can also feel all the vile program cuts that hurt others, the deliberate and aggressive bigotry directed at others, the loss of trust, security, and safety, the absolute betrayal of members of the populace by this cruel administration. it is the darkest of times – for each of us, for this country. light is sinking lower, deep into the horizon. we are heading into the sunless rule of authoritarianism.
it is not just what affects us that affects us.
so how do we collectively influence the actual color of these days? how do we actually golden up these times – this “age” – for real? what magic wand do we wield as a people, together? what steps – pushing back – do we take – for those we love and – in the biggest and most inclusive picture of this nation and this world – for people who will never know who we are?
maybe our collective empathy and our raised voices will help. every step we take forward – speaking up, speaking out – even against the coldest of winds – is a step – a goldening step – taken for democracy.
for a potato pretending to be a pear, this potato is not doing a great job. “poser!” 20 said, looking at the potato on the counter. we all laughed. and then i took out the peeler and cut it up to boil in the pot and make mashed potatoes. some posers are harmless.
i read the comments on facebook, grimacing. i get a certain pain in my heart when i see this sort of thing. here was a person hoo-rah-ing someone else’s achievement. now, that sounds like a good thing, yes? only in this case, this person – the one doing the hoo-rah-ing – had voted against the rights and freedoms and safety of the person whose achievement they were hoo-rah-ing. a transaction. this kind of poser is a hypocrite. this kind of poser is harmful, for this kind of poser can not be trusted.
i had a lengthy call with old friends on the phone this week. they told of a relative with whom they had conversation. the relative is dedicated to the new administration and its agenda, touting the good hard work the oligarch and his cohort-the-prez are doing for this country. my friends asked how she felt about USAID and this country’s new administration’s position lacking responsible compassion. she had no idea what USAID was. this person is a poser citizen, a poser voter. and this kind of poser is dangerous.
if you are planning on wholeheartedly sticking with the direction this administration is heading – where they have already taken us – then i would merely suggest you get yourself informed. read. research. ask questions. watch news that is factual – something that is not fox news, one america network or any “state tv” that conveniently forwards only things that make this evil self-serving administration look like brilliant people who care about the populace. find out what the ramifications of project 2025 might be to people you purport to care about, to issues you feel are important, to any sense of compassion you think you have.
be careful not to speak out of both sides of your mouth at the same time. you simply can’t have it both ways. be consistent. be honest. be transparent. don’t pretend to care about things or people you vehemently voted against.
you either are – in favor of all this evil – or you aren’t. own it. anything else is posing.
i remember 9/11 as i would imagine you do as well. everyone – every one – was talking about what had happened, what was happening to our beloved country. there wasn’t anyone who wouldn’t stop and talk about it with you – from strangers in the elevator you were sharing to associates in department stores to friends and colleagues to family and relatives.
i imagine it was the same on pearl harbor day, all during the vietnam war, during the nixon impeachment, when martin luther king, jr was assassinated, during hurricane katrina, hurricane sandy, hurricane maria, every school shooting, fires that couldn’t be controlled in the west, tornados in the south and the midwest, when jfk was assassinated, during the covid pandemic. there are too many disasters to even begin to list. i cannot imagine that there have been days when americans did not talk about what was happening. because conversation is important. and – most of the time – the only way through any trauma is to share how you are feeling with others.
except now.
suddenly, there is a silent crowd. a faction – the they -“don’t-talk-about-it” faction. this democratic country is disintegrating into authoritarianism – literally with the potential of turning into one of those “shithole countries” this base administration has grossly referred to – and they – suddenly – don’t wanna talk about it.
this only leads me to believe one thing.
which is –
drumroll, please –
that they wanted all these terrible, horrible, unconscionable things to happen.
reverse threading 