it broke more than both my wrists, that snowboarding fall last monday.
it broke my ability to do many things for myself. it fractured my independence.
it exploded my previous gratitude of those around me, loving and caring for me. it expanded a dependence on others, particularly david.
it broke through my vulnerability threshold. it made me acknowledge my modesty and encouraged me to try to stand tall in my new temporary disability.
it broke what i knew about others around me. it both surprised me in all the best ways and surprised me in all the worst.
it broke my assumption that all things – all my relationships – all my work – would stay the same. it shattered any sense of security.
it further broke my trust in our country’s healthcare coverage. it pointedly drove home that point.
it broke through any calm-in-the-storm-around-us i had found. it exacerbated a profound sense of worry.
it broke my muse. it scared me, really scared me, and it made me wonder if i would play again, write again, perform again.
day 5. my quiet piano welcomed me into the studio. i stood in front of it. determined. and i played. nine fingers, not ten. not the hand-span of all other days, but never mind.
day 12. eleven days after breaking them i still wake up, after night’s elusive sleep, surprised to see my wrists, well, more accurately, my cast and hard splint.
i think, “here we go,” and i set out to see what’s beyond two broken wrists.
read DAVID’S thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY
February 7, 2020 at 9:29 am
I have absolute and profound compassion and empathy for your plight. My feelings and inner turmoil mirrored yours when I faced a fractured ankle leading to bedrest and no weight bearing for many weeks. Looking retrospectively, it happened to crack me open and cause dependence in a way that was foreign and unnerving. I had to rest into kindness from others that I had always given freely, but never received. I was forced into a new and different version of myself. I attempted not to judge, but to view the circumstances through neutral prisms. It was daunting for a person who was accustomed to being in control. I was on “pause” on a physical, but more importantly at deeper levels. Reflection of strongly held beliefs and values about myself shouted some unexpected notions. Making peace with the conundrum was a life altering challenge. Fear was the enemy. I hope that you find meaning in your untoward mishap and subsequent journey toward healing. Namaste and healing energy being sent to you.
February 10, 2020 at 2:25 pm
Thank you so much, Jeanine. Such words of wisdom and hope. Just exactly what I needed. Hidden lessons. I’m curious to see where it all leads. Namaste. xo
February 7, 2020 at 11:39 am
A few years ago, I fractured my right wrist. I was in a cast from over my elbow to over my fingers and could not straighten my arm. I was forbidden to do anything with my right hand
I had to buy pants with elastic waist because I could not unzip my jeans to use the bathroom. Try brushing your teeth with your left hand. It was a miserable six weeks, but important to not push things and give yourself the time to heal. My prayers AND sympathy are with you as you heal.
February 10, 2020 at 2:22 pm
Linda, thank you so very much. I appreciate your having-been-there. Yes, I agree. Teeth-brushing is very difficult with the left hand (which has more movement right now than my right hand.) There are some profound lessons. xo
Pingback: treading water. watershed. [k.s. friday] | reverse threading
Pingback: quarter rest. and the beat goes on. [k.s. friday] | reverse threading
Pingback: two broken wrists. starting month 2. | reverse threading