reverse threading

the path back is the path forward


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seen. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

still life: leaf in snow.

chestnut against the white, you could see every nuance. every curve of the leaf, each vein, tiny sooty mold spots, drops of melted snow, it was still – landing from above and poised on its side. it was an oak leaf. no doubt about it. the starkness made the leaf’s characteristics clear, identification easier. the austerity made the image striking.

hiking in the snow is rewarding that way. all the background noise is gone. what is left are images of greater clarity, vulnerable honesty. i’m considering this as we continue down the trail – upon some of which we are lucky enough to be first to make tracks.

in a world of great complexity, it is much harder to see people with such certainty. peeling back the layers to such an overt degree meets resistance. people wish to reflect forward a certain image de soi. transparency fears enacted, one tries to create that which one wants others to see. it’s a natural phenomenon among thinkers – that which sets humankind aside from leaves.

when the leaf is viewed against the snow, we are able to see all of it. we cannot grasp all the intricacies of its actual living time on tree, but its remaining outerness is pure and we can – with some study – discern – from observation – what it is and much of what it has undergone.

in a world of opaque-ness – in these days of heightened division – i’m guessing it is important to study, to discern, to observe, to attempt to be cautious.

just as trees reflected in a puddle are not actually trees – they are merely a reflection – people are capable of the same puddling behavior. with caution we should give attention to the words others say or meme-post or quip in conversation. with caution we should discern the source from which they have carried these words. with caution we should give consideration to spreading these forward, always measuring against truth and intention that which we quote, post, argue, even pontificate. though i suspect leaves are pretty much pure as the driven snow into which they have fallen, people – unfortunately – aren’t. and there is much background noise from which others may cherry-pick the image de soi que les autres voient – self image others see – their perception.

each day now i am surprised by agenda-riddled life in so many arenas. i wonder if the leaf stops to consider all before falling into the snow. does it realize it will be easily seen? in the process of nature, it doesn’t have a choice.

it is an oak leaf in the snow.

how seen – truly seen – as who and what we are – are we?

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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asphalt illusions. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

i’ve looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose and still somehow
it’s life’s illusions I recall
i really don’t know life at all

i’ve looked at life from both sides now
from up and down and still somehow
it’s life’s illusions I recall
i really don’t know life at all”

(joni mitchell – both sides now)

puddletrees. they were right there, waiting. trees out a window. trees in a snowstorm. trees in front of us. illusion. reminding me – in the taking of the photograph – that things are not always what they seem.

it’s like story. things are not always what they seem.

“but in this song there are only two sides to things… there’s reality and i guess what you might call fantasy. there’s enchantment and dis-enchantment, what we’re taught to believe things are and what they really are.” (joni mitchell – at a performance 1967)

two sides. we’ve been taught to remember that there are two sides to every story. we learn though – somewhere along the way – that there are often many more sides than two. story is a multi-faceted creature, amorphous enough – and pliable enough – to take on the shape of whatever the storyteller – or the listener – wishes. this is not just dependent on details or fact; this is not simply dependent on reality. this is dependent on intention. even with the truth-telling of true story – with ample substantiation – there are others who will warp story into their agenda. reality and the flipside. brutal.

and so sometimes the don’t-know-clouds, don’t-know-love, don’t-know life takes on monumental proportion.

but there are puddletree moments. pared down. and these are not win or lose, up or down moments. they are simply suspensions of time – when we marvel at the reflection of trees in puddles or a single snowflake on a leaf or the survivors in scorched earth of a controlled burn, when we linger in the harmonic of a ninth or the color of the peony, when we pause in the middle of mayhem to look around us, when we know that just a little beyond reality is dream. and we can see it from here.

life’s illusions in an asphalt puddle. we really don’t know life. what it really is. at all.

“well, something’s lost, but something’s gained
in living every day.”

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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tiny snowflake. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

it was as we were hiking that the snow started again. it had already laid down a couple inches and the wind was a bit blustery. and then…

they drifted down around us – as if we were in the middle of a snowglobe and someone had given it a gentle shake. we watched them – individually falling – cold enough to see them land without melting.

most of the time, in landing, they are more en masse – like toddlers playing soccer – a beehive of tinies running after a ball – snowflakes swirling together landing, tumbling, piles of tiny colliding flakes sticking together.

but as i watched, cellphone in hand, this one snowflake – all by itself – landed on this leaf. and the leaf, cold enough to keep the flake intact, held the magic so that i could see it. exquisite doesn’t begin to capture it. sometimes adjectives are so incomplete – superlatives even anemic.

this time, the tiny snowflake held its ground, its unsung miracle-ness distinct against the leaf. i was startled to see it as we stood in the falling snow. i was – also – ridiculously thrilled.

its oneness – this singular the-only-one-there-is snowflake – quiet individuality. its presence – without trumpets blaring or the dinging of any notification – silently suddenly here. its tiny-ness – in this vast world – the same as us. a gift.

we are snowflakes falling. it is up to us to choose how. with or without fanfare, conforming or not, with or without humility, a gift or not.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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taproots and light. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

the des plaines river trail is in several sections. there’s a section that circles round a lake. there’s a section that loops through the forest. and there are sections that run next to the river. in order to control invasive species and to maintain resources, the state of illinois has controlled burns each spring and fall. oaks and hickories have thick bark to shield them and native plant species have deep taproot systems to survive the intense heat. in fact, this carefully maintained ecosystem often contributes to more robust plants after the burn.

we came upon the remains. we hadn’t been on the loop in days and were surprised to see the blackened earth, stalks of char. when the snow fell, it became a landscape – seemingly – of black and white. yet the squirrels ran rampant and we couldn’t feel any stress from the underbrush – like when there is an unexpected fire and the land is scorched.

i knelt down in front of the charred cattails and started to photograph them.

and suddenly there were tears in my eyes. i could feel the fire and the scorched-ness, the cooling snow blanketing it all, the energy still there – underground. i could feel the tenacity of these stalks and twigs, having survived the storm of the planned fire, ready for rejuvenation, resurgence. scrappy and resilient, potent, sturdy – the light past the dark. the recovery post-fire, post-exploration, a renewal. i could feel their passage through it.

i held hands with the cattails as i knelt on the snowy ground. braced, the taproot within – infinite – held fast, reassured me.

and with them i peered into the dark and saw that the light was right there, just beyond the charred edges.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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and the trees whisper. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

it is reassuring to believe that they whisper. i think they have begun to know us well. our passings-by have informed them – the times in our life together when we are laughing, the times we are upset, the times we are angsting, the times we are tired, the times we are quiet. i’m pretty sure they notice, despite all that is going on in their own world.

it’s been years now that we have a relationship with these trees. just as we watch for them – around the bend in the trail – across the pond – on the other side of the meadow – on the riverbed….they watch for us. they know our stride, our arm-in-arm, the sound of our footfall. they wonder before we arrive and they ponder after we depart.

we photograph them, voice concern about their fallen boughs, marvel at the kaleidoscope of their leaf color, view the sky through their canopy. we are grateful for the way they block the wind and the way they allow sun to filter through to our faces. they watch as we move snakes and caterpillars and turtles off the trail. they stare as we stop and gaze, still with momentary awe that strikes without warning. we see them stalwart. they see us fragile.

and so as we come around another bend – another day – another hike – they shush each other, to hear our voices, our booted feet on the dirt. to watch.

they whisper.

i wonder if they know how much we love when we are there.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2023 kerrianddavid.com

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the water. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

lake michigan – and its looming presence – it’s always there, though sometimes we don’t notice.

i’ve been around water my whole life: long island and florida and here. i’m not sure if i have thought about what that means to me. i’ve lived most of life at or around sea level. i have always been able to – via a short walk, short bike hike, short drive – get to a large body of water. and, regardless of whether or not i am on the shore of that immensity, i can feel it.

the last few days have pulled me out of center – whatever center i have mustered in recent times. in the middle of the middle i can’t feel the grounding gravity that usually helps – perspective that keeps the rest at bay. i know the flailing time is limited and that we are not trapped there. adrift in the onslaught of emotion, i tune in to the things that balance me. i listen for the windchimes outside, i stand in the living room and look at the lit trees, i sit at the kitchen table opposite d, we take hikes in cold air, we light a candle.

i fend off the pining for the high mountains, knowing i can’t get there right now. in guided imagery i sit at the side of the brook – on a log – in the lodgepole pine forest – high on the mountain. i – curiously – am never on the shore – of rock or of sand.

have i always taken the water for granted? do i take this presence – merely a block away – for granted? is it human to pine for the things we don’t have, things that are harder to access?

yet, if i imagine being away from the water – any water – i have a visceral reaction. for it’s always been there and i hardly know what it would feel like without it.

the days i have sat on the coast – sandy beach beneath me – i can feel the deep breath that powerful surf affords.

the days we have hiked streamside up the mountain, the days we have sat on its bank or on rocks in the middle of rushing water – i can feel the the deep breath that the flow affords.

the days we hike along our favorite local trail – river at our side – i can feel the deep breath that its familiarity in all seasons affords.

the days we choose to walk by the lake – on its bouldered shoreline or on its beaches – i can feel the deep breath that an unbroken horizon affords.

and the water – the innate healer – is always there. grounding.

“take a course in good water and air; and in the eternal youth of nature you may renew your own. go quietly, alone; no harm will befall you.” (john muir)

*****

ADRIFT from BLUEPRINT FOR MY SOUL ©️ 1996 kerri sherwood

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