the grocery store receipt reads $157. there is no meat on this bill. there is not much on this bill. we made a menu, made a list from the menu and shopped to the list. there may have been an exception or two: a 99 cent box of tissues and a loaf of bread that somehow didn’t make it onto the list. $157.
we are frugal. and we know that – when the ridiculous tariffs take effect – this $157 will be lots more.
on the way home we talked about how families are doing it. sans high wages and benefits covering health insurance, it seems like it would be impossible to exist. it is a world – this country – that is leaving the middle class behind, burying us all in costs, living expenses, debt. all imposed with a side of apathy and cruelty. my heart hurt for the man standing on the other side of the road with a sign asking for help.
it takes an instant to go from feeling shaky to feeling fortunate.
and being washed in gratitude is empowering.
we can make more with less, we agree. we can make meals that extend leftovers for days. we can ignore the frivolous and buy only the practical. and we can help.
the local food pantry/shelter has an easy-to-access list of needs on their website. it is clear. i called to make sure that something that was labeled as “urgent” was still considered urgent; we wanted to address that need the best we could.
driving away from the center after dropping multiples of their “urgent need” was a gift. it was a reminder of all the times someone has sensed an “urgent need” in us.
and sometimes, in those moments, somehow the white light of the universe enveloped us and someone stepped up to help.
we are all capable of being that white light. and – in these times of need, these times of people’s lives being beaten down and minimalized, these times dismissive of compassion and care – it would seem urgent – and incumbent upon us – to gather that light and pass it on.
growing up, we each had family doctors. general practitioners who saw us regularly for physicals as well as being available when there was a crisis point, a concern, an illness, an injury. when presented with such a thing (a physical crisis, a concern, an illness, an injury) one would call the doctor and they would “fit you in”, addressing your crisis/concern/illness/injury and sending you on your way. they were well-versed with you, your history, even your family history; distilling information to get to a diagnosis and treatment were aided by this consistent relationship.
not so much anymore.
david has a new pcp. his pcp moved and a new guy replaced him. we have no doubt that this new pcp has every good intention for his work in medicine.
david’s annual physical was booked with this new guy, who did all (and only – per insurance guidelines) the annual physical stuff (eyes, nose, throat, blood pressure, weight) and ordered the typical annual physical fasting lab work for the next day.
d fasted, had his bloodwork done, and checked on his livewell portal for the results.
and then the bill arrived.
suffice it to say i have made ten communications (phone, email, portal) to the dr’s office, the billing department, the insurance company to correct the bill we received which charged us for the labwork – preventative bloodwork – a standard in healthcare insurance 100% coverage (including d’s healthcare insurance).
alas…the healthcare provider coded his visit a “welcome visit”.
“ahhh,” i said to d. “so you dudes just sat around visiting, sipping a whiskey and shooting the breeze???”
he stared at me.
“your doctor’s office and billing department have coded your annual physical as a welcome visit. that sounds like visiting, a few appetizers, a whiskey, cutesy conversation….”
he shook his head.
after ten phone calls, emails, contacts through the portal – with the nurse at the doctor’s office calling billing to say (words to the effect) “oh no…this was david’s annual physical” – we have since received an insurance denial for the preventative lab tests and services and an updated bill from the healthcare provider that states we are overdue. so. cue up either the eleventh phone call or relinquish to the checkbook.
and now, as d has been bitten by some toxic something-or-other which has spread and swollen and looks mighty angry, this same healthcare service – his very own primary care physician’s office – has offered a possible appointment two weeks out.
two weeks.
i cannot help but wonder what toxins are in his system that are making his body react this way and what waiting two weeks might mean.
this, of course, pushes us to visit an urgent care or the emergency room, both already overburdened.
i’m not really sure how that helps the healthcare provider, but I’m guessing there is some way that a trip to urgent care/emergency room will net that umbrella healthcare provider a bit more billing, a tad more profit.
generations before us expected some kind of relationship with their doctor, their doctor’s office. the next generation after us is accustomed to using urgent care, telehealth, the emergency room. they don’t expect a relationship.
while we appreciate the presence of urgent care, the ER and telehealth, we are stuck in the middle generation – where we still think that relationship is part of healthcare, where we think consistency and the sharing of medical history over time are imperatives, where paying such exorbitant prices for insurance is supposed to ensure being insured.
but american healthcare is doing a good job of making us non-believers. it is truly a broken system – in a billion ways.
unconscionable that this country does such a poor job of taking care of its populace.
and – now – as we all know – at a time when health and care are going by the they-don’t-give-a-damn-about-health-or-care-of-the-people wayside – it will only get worse.
it was a spontaneous excursion – an unexpected morning a bit ago with no obligation. we got in the car early and drove down to the botanic garden.
as we came around the corner, d stopped and asked me to take a picture. the tree – shaped like a square – was something out of cartoonland. a filled-with-wonder dr. seuss and winnie the pooh mashup. this morning at the garden was definitely what we needed.
every step got slower. we paused and lingered over blooms; we drank in the quiet. this time of day in the garden was divine. we vowed to go more often, to soak up this place – so much beauty, such intention to sustaining it.
it’s really what i cannot fathom: the idea of not working to sustain the beauty of this country, instead, working to destroy it.
the list of places we’d love to go is lengthy. they are not shopping malls or shipping warehouses or land massacred for its resources. the list is the quiet places. the places of grandeur. the places that are understatedly glorious. the places that are wild, that are wide-open, that embrace all who step there.
sustaining the beauty of this country is not just about the environmental legacy of its sea-to-shining-sea. it is about its history – the good, the bad, the ugly. it is about the learnings, the coming-of-age into democracy – rights and privileges deemed law for the populace. it is about the diversity of its people, the gifts that we each bring – spokes in the wheel. it is about the sustaining of care and concern for each other, empathy as a moral code, compassion as a north star. the list of places of integrity within the hearts and minds of those in positions of leadership.
for those who do not wish to perpetuate goodness, who wish to forward messages of hatred and cruelty, who have no intention of sustaining beauty of any sort – these are people i cannot grok. it is impossible to wrap my head around the embrace of such immorality. it is impossible for me to understand such a disregard for decorum, for human dignity, for the wonder of living in the universe, for peaceful coexistence.
“unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. it’s not.” (dr. seuss)
reverse threading 