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more good. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

“the more we focus on the good, the more good will circulate.” (carl blanchet)

it would be easy – outside on an extension ladder at 2:00 am – in ten degrees – hauling plastic decanters of hot water up and down – pouring it on a frozen gutter that has been melting into the house – to get crabby, to focus on the negative.

it would be easy – with blow dryer in hand, plastic spatula, rubber mallet and many loads of towels in and out of the washer and dryer – de-icing interior windowsills and windows from the ice-damming above – preventing any further accumulation – to get crabby, to focus on the negative.

it would be easy – as we keep revisiting and dealing with the ice-damming – day after day – for the conditions continue to be ripe with icing – to get crabby, to focus on the negative.

it would be easy – sitting in the parking lot – our truck broken down – big red’s hood up for all to see (including our neighbor who happened to park next to us but pretended not to see us – yikes) – waiting for a tow truck for five hours in less-than-twenty-actual-degree weather – to get crabby, to focus on the negative.

it would be easy – getting summoned for jury duty – at a time when the courts are unconscionably questionable – when the supremes are throwing out constitutional law – when none of us are assured the rights and privileges of this democracy – to sit in the jury room surrounded by over a hundred others – that waiting place – waiting, waiting – to get crabby, to focus on the negative.

but then we wouldn’t have considered the good. for the good that has happened, the good we have witnessed, the good we personally have been privy to – even over the last couple weeks – that good has far outweighed anything that should make us crabby.

the good of strangers, friends, neighbors – trying to help or helping…the good of professionals generously doing their job…the good of circumstances for which we are grateful…the good of the simplest things…the good of waking up.

truly, as carl blanchet backpacks the pacific crest trail for the second time, his focus is on all the good he has encountered. his message is clear – he believes that focus will circulate more good. and i have to say i agree.

for even in these current times – in this current climate – in this country as it currently is – in divided families, divided neighbors, divided communities – we must do the best we can to recognize every morsel of good, to appreciate every bit of good extended to us, to bring good, to pass good on.

there is only one way to get through all the challenges we each face on a daily basis, not to mention the seemingly insurmountable challenges we are facing as the united states of america.

and that is for ruthless goodness to circulate, for each of us to be ruthlessly kind.

to – without hesitation – trump the bad with good.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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tiny gestures. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

“the smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.” (khalil gibran)

it had been a long day. a very long day that was preceded by other very long days. we were tired and road-weary. the last couple hours were brutal. at one point i just wanted to stop in the middle of a dark intersection and weep. we kept on.

when we finally got there – after driving through corn-edged roads with slices of moonlight shining on the asphalt – i pulled the truck onto the gravel drive and – without any finessing to my parking – just stopped, more than ready to get out.

we opened the tiny cottage door, taking a breath, knowing that – sometimes – a place to land is merely that and nothing more – just a place to land.

in the moment of stepping over the threshold, it was instantaneous. the little cottage reached out and held us as we entered, its every detail thoughtful and comforting.

we wandered room to room – the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom. everything was impeccable. we were struck by the abundance offered in this place, instead of the sometimes helter-skelter just-enough conglomeration of furnishings, decor, necessities.

we stood in the bathroom by the cabinet, literally stunned by the stacks of thick, fluffy towels on its shelves. we had just come from a rented place where the towels were thin, musty, ragtag – the sort of towels we have downstairs in our laundry room for cleanup duties not guests.

we had a small dinner – on plates and glasses that neatly filled the kitchen cupboards, at a table with flowers and napkins, adjacent to a counter with a basket full of snacks.

but it was when we got ready for bed that really got to me, that helped me exhale my held breath and granted me a new, big, deep breath.

there on a giant scrumptious bed – with a thick comforter and quilt and multiple pillows – were two andes candies.

the tiniest sweet gesture.

yes, we paid to stay at this beautiful cottage that perched on a hillside above the river boasting plentiful water fowl and eagles. but we’ve also paid to stay at many, many other places. truth be told, we usually like them all, finding charm in the location, the aged history, the quirk. even when there’s only one spoon or one glass, a hodgepodge of plastic plates, not enough lights.

but when you are as embraced by a place as we were that night, you are reminded that going the extra mile is worth it. that any hospitality we might offer others – whether as a generosity or paid – whether near or far – whether beloved or stranger – should be considered, heartfelt, gracious, unsparing.

even the tiniest of gestures. like a couple andes candies.

because many people these days – in places all over the world – feel like weeping in the middle of a dark intersection.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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pretty basic. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

the business was closed as we walked by on the sidewalk. the luminescent sunset over the harbor was beckoning. but i stopped when i saw the sign – facing out the window: “work hard and be kind“.

i’m not sure what kind of office it was – maybe a realtor, maybe insurance, i don’t know. it doesn’t matter, though. the message was clear and we so appreciated it. it was like a combo quote – of my sweet mom and poppo smushed together. there were other signs of my mom and dad here and there. simple gestures from another dimension.

when big red’s windshield started to high-pitch-whine, there was no way to ignore it. with no time for an official windshield rubber seal repair, we pulled off and found a home improvement store. i could hear my dad as we purchased and then tacked black gorilla tape all along the top windshield seal. his instructions were clear – trim the spots where there is a little gutter so that rain doesn’t accumulate there (good advice considering we were about to be driving in the torrential tropical-storm-turned-nor’easter), be sure to bring the tape all the way across and down into the well created by the driver and passenger doors, press it all down firmly and eliminate as many air pockets as possible.

i couldn’t help but remember the time – more than five decades ago – that my dad and my big brother and i had a breakdown upstate new york and they cut barbed wire from a fence for our pink-painted lilco-van-turned-camper to fashion some kind of engine fix that would get us home.

we laughed as we applied my dad’s version of a rube goldberg repair. and we laughed even more, clear that columbus and my dad were having a good chuckle together watching us from the other side. mostly, we worked hard together at trying to solve a problem, at staying calm and being kind to each other in the process. because a screaming (and later, leaking) windshield can most definitely cause stress and grumpiness.

only a little water managed to get past our super-duper-3-times-stronger-heavy-duty-all-weather homemade seal, which is pretty impressive considering the torrents of rain and wind it endured.

by the time we were walking on the sidewalk down toward the harbor and the sun, we had forgotten about the windshield challenge. we were immersing in a little harbor town i have always loved, intentionally appreciating people who were working hard and people who were kind to us.

but back in big red, on the way back – sans whistling windshield – we talked about our rube-goldberg-ing on the way out.

it all seems pretty basic to us.

gorilla tape won’t fix everything but working hard and being kind can.

*****

read DAVID’ s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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yup. definitely. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

the jeep’s tirecover in the meijer’s parking lot made me stop: “spread good vibes”

taking out my phone to take a picture, i said to d, “now there’s a good monday merely-a-thought! we could totally be friends with them!”

he laughed and agreed, “definitely!”

i love when people put positive messages out there.

so much better than the vehicles – with stickers of words or lewd cartoon images – messages that say f*** off.

like, ewww.

i don’t believe we would – or could – be friends with those people.

nope.

definitely not.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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do something. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

john pavlovitz wrote, “if tens of millions of people get up every day and do a small something, that’s a pretty damn powerful something.”

his wise words suggested to “leverage your life where you are” and that we are each gifted with “the proximity to need and the agency to alleviate it“.

his wise words helped the paralysis that we were feeling.

in these times of extreme chaos, it is easy to be overwhelmed and we have felt that just like many around us. it helped to be reminded about the power – the moving of mountains – of leading with the intention of good, of choosing even simple acts of kindness. doing something.

tens of millions of people could get up every day and do nothing. tens of millions of people could be complicit with the state of the country. tens of millions of people could be cold-hearted, could not care, could place their own needs first and foremost and singular. tens of millions of people could look away from the chaos and the cruelty, the lawlessness and the devastation upon others in their community. astonishingly, tens of millions of people are doing just that.

but there are other tens of millions of people who believe in something different, who are showing up, who are cutting through the noise, who are helping, who are trying to make a difference, who feel the imperative to do something.

and it all adds up.

to “damn powerful”.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

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no time for ugly. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

it made third and fourth grade recess tough. i would be outside on the playground with my little group of girlfriends and – all of a sudden – there would be this incoming-bully, chasing after me as i ran my heart out to get away. he was faster and dedicated to his mission of twisting my wrist, so he would always catch me. he never really got in trouble, though. i wonder how that has carried him through his life. i suspect he is still a bully, only now uses words or actions that don’t involve twisted wrists (at least not in the literal sense.)

we just got off a call with a dear friend out of state. we played ukuleles and sang together over a zoom call. we chatted. and it was a joy. the thing we most agreed on was the fact that there is not enough time as it is in life to be anything but joyous. we don’t have time for ugly.

truly, none of us has time for ugly. the bullying and name-calling and undermining and hurtful harm stuff is the stuff of third grade – a period when the whole world is stretching out in front of you and you have no true concept of time’s limitations. it is closer to adulthood – and, certainly most definitely in adulthood, i would think – that we become aware of our mortality, the fragility of this life, the gift of being present on this good earth. and – with that all in mind – who’s got time for ugly?

david asked me if tommy remained my friend. i answered honestly. he did not. i no longer trusted him – his bullying was tormenting and mean-spirited. and there is no reason why i would want to be friends with anyone who would treat me that way. there is no reason why i would want anyone to treat people that way. anyone at all.

bullies have no place in a reasonable, compassionate society. they have no place in the public eye. they have no place in leadership.

we all don’t have enough time for them or their ugly.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

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illumination. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

it was one of those and-the-light-goes-on moments.

i was just scrollin’ along on social media and came across a meme that said this:

“if someone treats you badly, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. normal people don’t go around destroying other human beings.”

amazing where you find illumination.

and, battling back my own fuzzy remnants of hurt, i could see it. through the cluster of experiences, the middle of confusion, the unanswered questions, the mind-boggling chaos, i could see it.

and – like you – in any circumstance wherein you found yourself equally as astounded at the behavior of another person or other persons – i could see the rational logic in this simple statement.

we are all capable – and guilty – of hurting others at some point. we would not be human were we to be above this.

but the other-level-ness, unequivocally deliberate poor treatment – is another story. and those among us who have been privy to this sort of thing need remember this meme.

because – in plain language – normal people are not super mean like that. normal people are not agenda-driven like that. normal people are not pushing others under water. normal people don’t lie to substantiate their actions.

normal people choose kindness. normal people appreciate each other. normal people consider what is best for all, recognizing our interdependency. normal people lift each other up. normal people hold each other up. normal people are honest and transparent.

normal people are normal.

and wretched nastiness is not normal.

illumination indeed.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

HELPING HANDS acrylic 53.5″ x 15.25″

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whoop it up. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

“do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” (my sweet momma, but originally, john wesley)

my sweet momma would have loved his friends. like i mentioned in blogs last week, they – and strangers – surrounded us at PRIDE with hugs and conversation, bottles of water and gatorade. they laughed and danced and applauded and volleyed the beach ball. solicitous, they paid attention to those around them, even us. they made us feel like it mattered to them that we were there. it was fitting that one of our son’s friends wore this hat. doing good – being kind – choosing kindness without hesitation – seemed the theme.

it is surprising – with all the touting of goodness that is preached in various places on our globe, the pontificating about generosity that permeates, the statements of mission written and proclaimed in mighty boardrooms – that it is in the simplest of places that you find goodness. it is in the humblest of people you find generosity. it is in the groups – marginalized and demeaned – you find mission. it is sometimes just absolutely missing in those other places – the places where you would expect all of that. irony is alive and well. or would that be hypocrisy?

they weren’t tryyying to do good. they just were.

it takes just seconds to decide how to respond to someone else’s question, comment, action, behavior. in that moment – just before responding – i would hope – if at all possible – to choose to be kind, to do good.

my sweet momma loved to whoop it up at parades and concerts and sporting games. any chance to be boisterous and she’d take it. i can just imagine her at PRIDE – putting on a rainbow lei and a “do good” hat, waving her arms in the air yelling, “wowee!! wowee!!”

do good. easy peasy.

so much easier than being downright mean.

at least one would hope so.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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PRIDE. what’s not to love? [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

PRIDE. what’s not to love?

we went to chicago PRIDEFEST on saturday. it was in the 90s and a sweltering day. though we have taken the train countless times to chicago – and to the festival last year – we decided to drive down this time. we did not check the chicago cubs calendar first. yikes. the north halsted boystown area was a hot mess with the concurrence of cubs fans and PRIDE. so.many.cars. it literally took us an hour and a half to go just merely two miles to get to our son’s condo where he had saved us a parking spot.

we breathed a sigh of relief as we pulled into his alley, driving toward our parking spot…until…we saw that someone else had taken it. uh-oh. though we had planned lots of extra time, we now had 23 minutes until his performance on the waveland stage. i considered double-parking and rejected it, thinking littlebabyscion would be towed. clearly, we needed to go back out into the fray and find a spot. with our senses of humor still intact, we drove down the alley and exited back onto his road. somehow there was the miraculous appearance of a spot on his street…miraculous except for the signs everywhere that say “tow zone: no parking on cubs game days except with a parking permit”.

the four guys on the sidewalk in this boystown ‘hood were walking somewhere briskly when i jumped out of the car to ask them about the seriousness of the signage and parking, explaining the whole story and apologizing for telling the whole story (to which jordan kindly said, “it’s ok!!”). bryson – understanding the imperative of a mom getting to see her EDM artist son perform and notmissabeat – immediately told me he’d run back to his place and get me a temporary parking pass he had and no, i didn’t need to pay him anything at all. the generosity of these guys!! what’s not to love?

we parked and walked as fast as possible to the entrance our son suggested. the lines were astonishingly long but the security guard got us in quick as a flash when he heard our son was performing in four minutes. what’s not to love?

we found our way to the camera by the middle of the intersection – where our son had directed us. and we found ourselves surrounded by his friends, every one of them hugging us hello, an unparalleled warm community. his dear friend brought us a gatorade, another brought us a water, another – at the end of his performance – a canned adult beverage. what’s not to love?

we danced and visited and celebrated with thousands of others all smushed in to watch. our son’s friends – all so kind – wandered over again and again, checking in on us and hanging out. i gave out “be kind” buttons to anyone and everyone around. beachballs volleyed across the audience and PRIDE flags waved in the air. their set was amazing – the music kept everyone upbeat and happy. it was thrilling to watch – just like at milwaukee’s PRIDEFEST a couple weekends ago – where i took this photo from the VIP section where our son – since he was performing on the giant dance pavilion stage – made sure we were given access. i just don’t know what’s not to love about this.

although it is verrrrry unusual these days for me to wear a pair of shorts out and about if we aren’t hiking on some trail, i did anyway. because pride encourages people to be simply who they are. and every body shape and size and color is accepted and celebrated. i never had even one of those self-conscious “why did i wear this?” moments. even as likely one of the oldest people in the crowd, i felt completely included. what’s not to love?

i believe that even if i were not the mom of a gay son, i would still feel the same way. i believe that i would still completely support the LGBTQIA community. i believe i would still wonder – when i see others pushing back or curling their lips in disdain and exclusion – what’s not to love?

because i believe in love. i believe in loving one another. i believe in the most basic tenets – of kindness and generosity, peace and fairness and equality, respect and truth and – the big one – love.

and, though it shows a (disgusted) glitch in my own acceptance-of-others-meter, i have a really hard time understanding why anyone – on this good earth – would have the effrontery to not find acceptance-of-others part of life itself. who among us has that right? to eliminate others? to treat others less-than? to exclude because of a person’s gender identification or sexual orientation? “how does that even affect you?”, i wonder of those who marginalize LGBTQIA, who promote ‘anti’ ideology, who bully-pulpit, who hypocritically pontificate, who write or encourage or vote for laws or politicians that minimalize and restrict. without thinking. or sorting. or discerning. or checking in with their heart. i just don’t get it.

i was proud to go to PRIDE. i always will be. what’s not to love?

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

SURRENDER NOW mixed media 24″ x 24″

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seeing. not seeing. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

i wear one contact lens. it’s in my left eye and it is to correct minor nearsightedness. wearing only one contact allows me to use my other eye to see close-up – to mostly be able to read without the aid of readers. somehow my brain figures this all out and i don’t have to close my right eye while driving or my left eye while reading – because all that would be awkward and weird.

clear vision – particularly at night in the rain with orange construction barrels and no streetlights and lane lines worn to little or no paint – is essential. it’s my least favorite set of circumstances to drive in, discounting white-out snowstorms and ice. it’s nice to be able to see.

and for those days when contacts are not working – the days of allergies or tired eyes – i have a pair of backup john-denver-glasses to don while driving. because it’s essential to see.

we just read the little prince aloud together. i don’t remember crying at the end any other time i have read this book. but this time i did.

as the prince’s soul was whisked away – his body dying on the earth by snakebite – back to his tiny planet where his tiny beloved rose waited – i wiped tears from my eyes.

this simple book – supposedly a children’s book but so much a necessary read-every-once-in-a-while adult’s book – was just the thing. the nature of love. of relationship. of responsibility toward each other.

the louisiana governor just declared that the ten commandments shall be displayed in every school in his governance. for heaven’s sake. how is it that we have become this narrow? for starters, how audacious he ignore every other religion’s tenets. this is not visionary. this is not seeing.

perhaps he would be better served to declare the little prince essential reading. he would be better served to encourage his populace to look with their hearts, to value the basics of goodness and fairness and loving one another. but in these days of politicizing every single thing, i guess he just decided to go with narrow bigotry to see where it might get him. narcissistic power is on the rise. as is the popularity of meanness and aggression. and the little prince shudders.

i’m pretty sure the little prince made me cry because of just that. there is so much – out there. we are hearing every single horrid thing. media is having a field day and it’s horrifying just to phone-scroll the “news”. what we see…what we find there…unconscionable.

instead, we will find the richness in the elderly woman pushing her walker on the trail, her son by her side, chatting. we will find the generosity in the gift of a garden flower. we will find kindness in the invitation of inclusion. we will find concern in the check-in text of an old friend. we will find hope in the little-less-lonely uplift of voice on the phone. we will find resilience in the planting of trees, the naming of stars, the grieving expression of loss. we will find forgiveness in time spent together. we will find healing in turning toward and not away. we will find love in another’s eyes.

the little prince – tiny, tiny. but with a giant and sighted heart.

we need to really look and see – what is transparent, what is truth, what is life-giving, what is equitable and not limiting, what is sustaining, what is fair, what is kind, what is loving – with clear eyes and whatever wisdom of the ages we might summon. we need to ponder and sort and be honest. what we may lose otherwise are the essentials. the basics. the geared-down actual heart of humanity.

read the little prince. you’ll likely weep a little.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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