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and justice… [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

i pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic for which it stands – one nation, under god, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. (pledge of allegiance)

…and justice for all…

uh-huh. yup. fer sure.

(snarky – though truthful – alert for what follows…and…if you are running low on snark tolerance, I understand. these times are difficult and it is overwhelming to be surrounded by so much hypocrisy, so much that is truly unthinkable. i am merely one more voice out here, expressing outrage, hoping against hope that the voterswhovotedforthis might be capable of hearing and – more importantly, though clearly belated – of listening. and that the voterswhovotedagainstthis might feel less alone in their own outrage.)

in case you hadn’t already read this – in numerous other posts i have written – i was raped. i am a survivor. i have been a survivor for over four decades. i have carried it with me throughout my adult life. though i spent most of that time in silence, it has affected me physically and emotionally, psychologically, professionally, and financially. it has touched every corner of my life. it is both profound and a profound change agent in one’s life.

my rapist was a predator who expertly groomed and preyed on young women, older women, underage women, virgins, innocent targets. my rapist also “successfully” raped other women. my rapist was not charged. my rapist walks in the world – free – even today.

and – clearly – my rapist could be president.

because – fact of the matter is – here we are…poised to have an adjudicated rapist as the president – a man also convicted of 34 felonies among numerous other indictments and allegations, but golly gee, why would we even mention or consider those petty little details?

and so, i have some questions for you, ye who have voted for this, er, person.

where is the justice?

did you know when you voted? did you not care when you voted?

did it feel ok to vote in a rapist, a convicted felon?

is this the person you wish your father, your husband, your son, your grandson, your brother look up to, emulate? is this the person you wish your mother, your wife, your daughter, your granddaughter, your sister look up to?

would you leave your daughter alone with him? your granddaughter? your mom? your sister? your auntie, your niece? would you leave your tiny child alone with him? would you trust him to keep his hands to himself and his pants zipped?

what is the deal?

or – and this possibility sickens me beyond the disgust i am already feeling – did you have some sort of sadistic vicarious fantasy voting him in – a man laden with cruelty, revenge, evil intentions – some arsonist lurking in you wishing to watch the fire?

i saw this meme:

“we could have shown our daughters that they could do anything.

instead, we showed our sons that they can rape, cheat, and lie and still become the most powerful man in the country.”

if you don’t find that inordinately disturbing as a parent (you know, the whole i want the best for my child; i want to protect my child thing), as a woman (you know, the women supporting women’s rights thing), as a human being (you know, the whole moral compass thing) – if that bit of injustice doesn’t get your goat – if the utter lack of and-justice-for-all doesn’t take your liberty-breath away – i don’t know what will.

just sayin’.

warned you it was snarky.

and truthful.

*****

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what is real. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

i told him the other day I wasn’t sure if i had anything left to say. in the lostness following this horrific election, i still feel all the things i have already written about – truly gutted.

i would imagine that there are many of ‘me’ out there. heart-broken, infuriated, exhausted, confused, feeling betrayed.

and in that wanderland of grief sit the questions of “what is real?” and “who is real?”. they nag at me – wherever i am. we escaped to the trail and they followed me – sitting heavy on my heart, ponderous.

real (adjective): 1. actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact: not imagined or supposed. 2. (of a substance or thing) not imitation or artificial; genuine.

and

real: behaving or presented in a way that feels true, honest, or familiar and without pretension or affectation.

and so i look at life now and think about what is real and who is real.

the “real” i knew would have stood by me, by my family, by values i assumed we shared, by the lifting up of humanity.

the “real” i knew would have been morally aghast by the cruel, devastating intentions of the new maga-regime.

the “real” i knew would have pushed back against all of it – leading with goodness and kindness.

but i guess the “real” you wanted me – and everyone else – to see wasn’t really real. and i will now admit, you fooled me.

i suppose – like many others will – that i could pretend it doesn’t matter. i could act like it doesn’t matter. i could interact like it doesn’t matter. i could just go on as if it doesn’t matter. but it does. it matters. it’s real.

mary oliver wrote, “you can fool a lot of yourself, but you can’t fool the soul.”

so even as i fight the internal fight – trying – irrationally – to hold onto what or who is really not real – my soul knows.

and, like many of you trying to process this soul-knowing, i am deeply sad.

*****

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there is. i will. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

it was this morning – while i was nibbling on gluten-free cinnamon toast. it was while i was dishing out dogga’s dinner. it was while we sat at the kitchen table, darkness quickly falling outside. it was while i was sending a picture-of-the-day to my children, while i was texting with my dear friend. it was while i listened to george winston’s thanksgiving. it was on the trail. it was at the matinee of the movie here. it was leaving the theatre, tears in our eyes, grateful it was still a little light out.

it is right now. and this is where we are.

there are boundaries to be drawn, plans to be made, worries to be worried, griefs to be grieved.

there is shock and outrage. there is absolute horror.

there is no humor in what will come – and there is disgust at those who laugh with the sadistic glee of getting their way.

there is knowing and not-knowing. there is lostness.

there is uncertainty in the insanity of these moments.

but it is right now. and this is where we are. still.

so i will take stock wherever i find goodness, wherever i find community, wherever i find even a bit of joy, wherever i find love.

and i will dance in the kitchen, make homemade tomato soup, grow parsley in the winter. i will hold tighter to his hand and hug on our dogga. i will be frugal and i will be frivolous.

and i will sit on the wire with the other birds, watching the sky turn from night to day and night again. grateful for the tiniest things – that sky, the birds who love me and who i love, the wire and the still of still being here.

*****

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smarter than scunge. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

she said it and i immediately wrote it down. “american women are not stupid,” katty kay (bbc news correspondent) repeated elizabeth warren’s plainspoken words and then added that it should be the new slogan of the harris/walz presidential campaign. i wholeheartedly agree.

she’s absolutely right. american women AREN’T stupid. WOMEN aren’t stupid.

last wednesday the maga presidential candidate amplified a meme featuring two outstanding and accomplished women – hillary clinton and kamala harris. the comment about these two women – on this meme he deliberately shared – was the epitome of crass, vulgar beyond belief. i will not repeat it here. but something in me snapped.

even beyond the access-hollywood hot mic audio recording. even beyond his unending lewd, derogatory, demeaning comments about women. even beyond all the accusations of sexual abuse. even after a jury of his peers found him – this presidential candidate – guilty of sexual assault. even beyond every single other indictment, every single other conviction, every single other thing that disregards the rule of law. this scunge of a man is actually running for president – a position we wish our communities, our nation, our world, our children to hold in esteem – and it is unconscionable.

i have had zero respect for this maga candidate for some time now. his repugnant behavior has not resonated with me, amused me, entertained me or aligned with me one bit. his mean-spiritedness, his narcissistic self-devotion, his quest for autocratic power, his inability to play by the rules. this is a man who objectifies women, a man who sexualizes them, who aggressively degrades them, who sloughs them off, who takes advantage of them, who wants to control them, who sexually abuses them. and now i am sick to death of him. it is beyond the pale that he should even be able to run for the highest office of this land – he lacks any regard for anyone other than himself.

i am a woman. i am a daughter, a mother, a wife, a sister, a girlfriend. i am an aunt, a godmother, a female, a victim of sexual abuse. i am appalled.

women are not stupid. we will not vote for patriarchy, for the annihilation of the rights of women, for wearing skirts for men. it disgusts me to the point of nausea thinking of any woman – ANY woman – casting a precious vote for a man whose wishes are to put women back into their place and to control their bodies, to eliminate the rights of LGBTQ, to trash any racial, gender, religious, socioeconomic equalities we have achieved, to rule with an iron fist.

there is a woman around the block who has a sign that touts “women for [this candidate]“. i wonder every time i see it how it is possible that she supports this misogynistic bigot for president. what – on this good earth – is she thinking?

and so, though i am utterly distressed that any decent human being would support this maga candidacy, i want to specifically ask the women who are waiting to crown maga as leadership a few questions:

is there anyone in your family who is female, besides you? do you want them – as they live their life – to have freedom of opportunity, of decisions that will impact them, their bodies? do you care about their safety? do you care about their futures or do you wish to limit and imperil them?

is there anyone in your family who is LGBTQ? do you care about their rights, about their opportunity for the freedoms you have enjoyed, about their futures? do you care about their safety? do you care about them at all or do you wish to limit and imperil them?

is there anyone in your family who is not white? do you care about the equality that should be bestowed upon them, just like you? do you care about their safety, their futures or do you wish to limit and imperil them?

is there anyone in your family who is a child? do you care about their schooling, about their chance to learn the truth of history, about their free questions and research, about their safety, about their futures or do you wish to limit and imperil them?

is there anyone in your family who does not deserve proper healthcare – whether it is while they are younger or during their senior years? do you care about the social programs of social security and medicare continuing – with the freedom of choice – supporting them in their aging? do you care about their futures or do you wish to limit and imperil them?

is there anyone in your family who you would prevent from seeing the things that this maga candidate is saying, the things this maga candidate has said, the things this maga candidate has done, the crimes this maga candidate has committed, the extreme prejudices and contempt this maga candidate has for others? or are you hoping to emulate these behaviors, hoping that your dear ones emulate this, grow up to be this?

do you actually find this maga choice – unbelievably the person in all the country – this entire nation – that has been lifted up by the maga party as the best of the best – to be acceptable? how is that possible? what is inside your heart that makes this your ideal choice for leadership?

isn’t there reason to believe – a constitutional expectation – that the position of president of the united states of america should be held in the highest esteem, should answer to the highest of powers, should be a person of unparalleled virtue, should not limit or imperil the populace?

we american women are smart.

unacceptable is simply that – unacceptable.

scunge is not worthy. scunge is unacceptable.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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what we plant. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

we planted in the spirit of ‘you will always harvest what you plant’. we trusted that – with water, weeding, solicitous care – we might harvest peppers. even without ever growing peppers before. even in our ignorance of the task at hand. the thing we leaned into was just that – that we would harvest what we planted.

if you plant joy, you will harvest joyful. if you plant despair, you will harvest the despairing. if you plant aid, you will harvest the empowered. if you plant lack, you will harvest the suffering. if you plant the embrace of the ideals of goodness and kindness, humankind will join hands. if you plant retribution and rage-filled revenge, you will stoke the fear and anger of vengeful enemies. it seems an easy equation, an easy conditional statement.

we are in a time of planting. what we plant now will have ramifications for all time to come. regardless of whether we will be here or not to witness the-time-to-come, it would seem our responsibility to plant virtue. for out of virtue, a future will flourish. out of virtue, a future will provide the opportunity of growth for all who follow. out of virtue, integrity will be cherished, valued, expected.

we have had three jalapeño peppers so far. i’ve saved two to make ann’s popper recipe. we have had a dozen red snack peppers. we’ve munched on them and included them in our salad. we have about two dozen red chili peppers on that plant so far. i’m not sure what we’ll do with those yet, though making red chili pepper flakes seems obvious. we’ve noted that we need take care and wear protective gloves when working with these peppers.

it’s interesting that we didn’t think about these red chilis ahead of time. we merely liked the look of the plant and bought it, bringing it home to transplant into a clay pot and place on our potting stand. but you harvest what you plant and they are wildly successful, these tiny hot peppers.

next year we will plant peppers again. but we will choose differently and with more forethought. we will plant more jalapeños, more snack peppers, maybe some bells, maybe some banana peppers. we likely won’t plant more red chilis – this harvest will be the last of that.

i would think that, for each of the things we plant, we have some due consideration, that we think of the application or wastefulness of the harvest, that we seriously mull over the heat of the fruit.

we have another chance at our pepper farming.

we have only this chance at our voting.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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DeeNCee Lullabaloo. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

it would be an understatement to say we were excited to see a frog in our pond again. we’d been waiting and then gave up. it’s a tiny pond – and it has attracted a frog for many years save a couple – but it has been an extraordinarily hot summer and we thought it possible that we would never see one in our backyard watering hole this year.

and yet, there it was. we cheered and, later, before we turned on the last night of the democratic national convention, toasted his existence.

we named him DeeNCee Lullabaloo – after both the DNC and the lull in which we have dedicated ourselves. DeeNCee, for short, though his whole name is ridiculously fun to say aloud.

way back when, it was helen who told us what it meant to have a frog – “fully rely on God,” she said, encouraging us to trust in hope and what was to come. since that first frog, life has been a real mash-up of stuff that has happened. but every frog that has turned up – each spring or summer or early fall – has been another sign of hope, another small miracle. for each one we have been grateful and a little bit astounded.

DeeNCee showed up on thursday, the same day that kamala harris accepted the democratic nomination to run for president.

the convention had been unbelievably exciting to that point…speakers and performers and politicians all stoking the flame of hope, the sprinkles of joy everywhere, light – a part of our future.

until a mere few weeks ago, it all looked rather bleak, a country destined to fall under the leadership of those who aren’t truly concerned about e pluribus unum, those who want complete and utter power and control, those who do not deserve such a honorable task as to lead this nation.

and then…then…hope, light and joy burst forward and suddenly there is a chance for our gay son to marry, our daughter to continue to be in charge of her own body, our great-nieces and great-nephews to enjoy racial equality, our younger neighbors to benefit from affordable, sustaining healthcare, our older neighbors to enjoy retirement and healthcare through social security, medicare and their choice of medicare supplemental plans. the list of possibilities is lengthy and the GOP – which is self-destructing – tries to misrepresent what is possible, tries to evade real questions about project 2025 and agenda 47 intentions, tries to bully their way in their desire to push the populace into a dark cave.

but we are alive and we are voiced and we have energy and stamina and longevity.

DeeNCee Lullabaloo showed up at the right time – to help celebrate the convention and its promise and to remind us to be in the lull, a place of peace and hope, a place of light and joy, a place where we might soak in the wisdom of a higher power – whatever we choose to call that deity.

in our tiny pond DeeNCee will sunbathe and eat bugs, swim and hop – thrive – in freedom.

and in our country, we humans will also thrive – all of us in freedom.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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light or apathy. [merely-a-thought monday]

normally i would shudder at this sort of sentiment. the “above ground” part is so … grim. yet, as we were walking down by the marina, on the 20th anniversary of the horror of september 11, it got my attention and i went back to photograph the back of the pickup truck.

like many of you, we immersed in shows and conversation about 9/11 this weekend. interviews and video and photographs, all visceral remembrances of a day when everything stopped.

so walking along the lake on saturday we were well aware of the anniversary, revisiting where we were at each moment of impact that day, each moment of devastation. we felt inordinately fortunate to be taking a leisurely walk on a warm and sunny afternoon, twenty years older than we had been.

cnn offered a special on saturday evening and spoke to “tuesday children” – adults who, as children, had lost family members that day twenty years ago. “shine a light” also featured two men – david paine and jay winuk who began 911day.org, a non-profit whose “ongoing mission is to transform the annual remembrance of 9/11 into a worldwide day of unity and doing good, and to encourage millions of people to remember and pay tribute each 9/11 through good deeds that help others and rekindle the extraordinary spirit of togetherness and compassion that arose in the immediate aftermath of the 9/11 tragedy.”

goodness in real life. instead of that day continuing to be about evil, they set out to redefine the day into acts of doing good deeds in the entire spectrum of good-deed-doing. it has since become the largest day of service in the united states with over thirty million people participating annually.

i couldn’t sleep last night. something woke me up and then my brain does that thing it does in the middle of the night, jumping around, topic to topic, no apparent thread of connection, just one concern after another. my restlessness woke david and we sat talking in the middle of night.

we had both been moved -yet again – by the footage of this tragic day in the history of our country and we had both been moved – yet again – by being reminded of the acts of kindness and heroism that were so much a part of this day and the days after.

yet last night, as i lay there, the breeze coming in the window, we spoke about how our country – so united in those days – has regressed, no – has twisted – in more recent days. why have we not all come together in the same heroic spirit of 2001? why have we not all embraced whatever it takes to save each other’s lives? why, when 2,996 people were too many people, aren’t over 660,000 too many?

we are lucky to be above ground. yes. everyday above ground is a blessing. yes.

do we need – in our above-ground-state- to be reminded to push back against evil – global terrorism, global tyrannical leadership, a deadly raging global pandemic – to practice goodness?

“he who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. he who accepts evil without protecting against it is really cooperating with it.” (martin luther king, jr.)

“apathy and evil. the two work hand in hand. they are the same, really…. evil wills it. apathy allows it. evil hates the innocent and the defenseless most of all. apathy doesn’t care as long as it’s not personally inconvenienced.” (jake thoene)

hannah arendt’s words, “evil thrives on apathy and cannot survive without it.”

apathy (noun): lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

“the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.” (elie wiesel)

and what is beyond indifference, what are the intentional misdeeds committed by people who are living in community with each other?

how much light might be shined by simply wearing a mask or being vaccinated?

might it be possible to “rekindle the extraordinary spirit of togetherness and compassion that arose in the immediate aftermath of the 9/11 tragedy”? to love one another?

what a blessing that would be.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY