reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Tag Archives: this country


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the doormat. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

it’s pretty much a ritual – at the end of fall – to store the front and back rubber doormats away into the garage. both make it more difficult to shovel snow, so, rather than ramming the shovel into the mat while moving snow on the deck – having forgotten it was there – which hurts one’s shoulder – it’s best to put it away. it can also cause problems when there is ice – making it nearly impossible to open the back screen door, which is level with the deck with only a thin rubber mat’s thickness to spare. so, we are usually pretty diligent. there are several things, i’m sure, we all agree on – in preparing for winter. the yard furniture, the clay and ceramic pots, deck decor – it all needs to be stored.

i’m not sure, then, why the back doormat didn’t end up in the garage. somehow in the midst of this fall – miserable in all that fun lighthearted time after the election and such – we forgot. or maybe we just didn’t have the energy to pick up the mats and bring them to the garage. later in november – we were holding out hope for one more beautiful day – we put away the deck rugs, the table and chairs, the decor, the adirondack chairs. but we forgot the mats – at both doors.

so when i opened the back door the other day and stepped out to admire the snow i was surprised to look back at the mat. the snow peeeeeeeled back. it didn’t smush back or get lodged under the screen door – which ceases all door movement and is just slightly annoying when it happens – but it peeled back over itself. in one piece. pretty much unbroken. like peeling back the chocolate icing layer on a hostess cupcake.

we were lucky. there have been times that the snow and ice – because ice damming is a thing – have accumulated over the mat to such a point where the door will not open and you have to exit out the front door. that doesn’t sound like much of a problem until you hear that – for years – there was no way to unlock the front door from the outside as something had gone wrong with the barrel of the old door handle and lock. now that that has been repaired, we are not faced with the can’t-get-in-the-house crisis we had before if the back door is blocked and unable to open.

nevertheless, it was somewhat astounding (remember we are easily amused) to see the snow folded back on itself. and i gave myself a little talking-to about preparation and the perils of the winter.

a few days ago i spent several hours taking screenshots of every single thing on our student loan accounts. because – well – preparation and all. i had come across a recommendation to read a forbes business article about how prudent it would be to capture all this information just in case the department of education was dissolved or imploded or blown up or whatever, which would take out all its websites. it was the practical thing to do – even in the midst of my growling about the predatory nature of d’s student loans which have been nothing shy of criminal. i just couldn’t believe what i was doing and the reason i was doing it. preparation not for winter, not for snow or ice, but for the destruction of the department of education along with every other thing in the constitution.

i don’t honestly know what else we should do to prepare against what’s coming. i am horrified by every single thing we are seeing from this administration. i read a few comments on a meme that was posted by someone in alliance with this destruction of our country. it was – frankly – shocking. the stuff that people have been fed to believe goes beyond any adjective i can think of. it makes me wonder if they have prepared, for the malfeasance of overtaking our government – the one supposed to be of-the-people-by-the-people-for-the-people – and the shattering of our constitution will affect them as well. they too will be caught in the icy snowstorm with their mat out.

the back doormat was a good reminder. in two ways – one, that we might vigilantly stay in one piece – unbroken – and bend with the time (or the back door, whatever, just go with the metaphor) and two, that there are things we might need do in order to avoid being locked out of our own home – this country and its freedoms and rights.

this will be a long winter.

*****

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no j. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

the j had fallen down – behind the o and the y.

suddenly, it seemed right to leave it that way.

and just last week or the week before, i put the j away.

when you are from long island “oy” is not an uncommon response – to many things. it can span the spectrum from light-hearted to the intense, though, in reaction to the intense, you would be less likely to use the derivative and more likely to use the whole saying – oy vey!

surprise, dismay, grief, frustration, distress. all of it.

it seems like it was a particularly prescient moment for the j to fall and the oy to stand firm.

who am i to question gravity and the wisdom of corrugated galvanized metal?

*****

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just a tiny bit. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

we thought we were tired before. we thought we were exhausted. what an absolute understatement now.

and isn’t that the point. to exhaust us, overwhelm us, inundate us, gish gallop-muzzle-velocity us, to put us all in such a state that we are paralyzed with fear under our woke quilts, unable to rise up.

and – to top it all off – to be intensely aware of all the people we know and love who are supporting this hideousness. to have our hearts broken by people breaking our family values, undermining the freedoms of the very people in our very family.

exhausting indeed. IS there a bigger word for that? bone-weary. shattered. fried.

we each need to rest here. to take a few moments and just not talk about IT. to zero into the very center of our own lives. to find things that sustain us, people who sustain us.

because – even in the midst of all the unconscionable – we are still alive. and we need even just the tiniest bit of joy in our breathing – so that we might rise up, stretch our limbs, clear our throats and speak up.

*****

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mostly sansevieria. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

our sansevieria is called “a perfect houseplant“. it doesn’t require much tending, much light, much water. it is hardy and healthy and has grown immensely since we brought it home, filling the window nook.

it makes me think of my sweet momma, since she is the one who first introduced me to sansevieria – the snake plant. she had several and called them by their scientific name.

our sansevieria seems unconcerned that it is referred to as an “old school succulent“. and, according to the miraclegro website, they are “almost comically easy to grow, so chances are you’ll encounter few problems with them.”

the other day d and i were talking about trends. neither of us is particularly trendy nor aware of the trending trends. we reminisced about growing up with parents who also weren’t trendy and didn’t try to keep up with pop culture. we wondered about whether that was a detriment but decided that it was likely helpful since staying on trend requires a financial investment and real-life artists are generally not in that sort of position.

i’m thinking that we are both sansevieria.

perhaps we all need to be succulent sansevieria. easy to care for, ruthlessly growing despite all odds. we need to be hardy and healthy, comically easy. maybe that will give us the strength we need to prevail through all the chaos and uncertainty we are experiencing.

the one thing that we don’t have in common with our snake plant? the part that reads “chances are you’ll encounter few problems with them.”

it’s our job as artists – and, let’s face it, as humans – to push back on cruelty, on injustice, on betrayal, on marginalization, on stupidity. so…you may encounter a few problems.

yeah, we’re mostly sansevieria. but definitely watch for a few prickly cactus spines thrown in for self-preservation and for the protection of others.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts D.R. THURSDAY

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eyes open. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

these days – even if you shut your eyes really tight – squeezing your eyelids so that you can see nothing – you cannot block it all out. i’ve tried. it doesn’t work.

like you, well – some of you – i am horrified by the fast and furious devastation – the epitome of meanness and ugliness cast upon us, upon this nation. there are no words to describe it all.

so i open my eyes instead.

and i look for things of beauty. anywhere. everywhere.

the sage green was a balm to the eyes in a landscape mostly brown. the folds of veiny leaves drew me to it – tiny crystals of dew glinting what little light there was on a drearily grey day.

the photo shoot wasn’t prolonged – only six photographs – but each one is somewhat dreamy – this fuzzy plant off-trail in the underbrush was stunning. i was glad to have noticed it. its presence gave me pause – to breathe.

this is the only way i’ll get through all this.

by keeping my eyes open to anything of beauty on or off trail. anything at all. anywhere. everywhere.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

 

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it should be banned. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

i hadn’t ever before cooked with bok choy.

but the miso potsticker soup called for it, so game on. we purchased baby bok choy and set about making a big stock pot.

it is a beautiful leafy vegetable, photogenic. and much simpler to use in a recipe than i thought. the new recipe opened up ideas – as we cooked together – for other ingredients we might add, to other recipes we might try. that is the beauty of trying new things. new begets new.

the fewest short months ago, we co-opted the phrase “we’re not going back” made popular by kamala and tim. we both felt passionately about not going back, but instead moving forward, our land and its people becoming a more perfect union, learning more, experiencing more. we were excited about the possibilities that lay in front of us – all of us – excited to think about the potential of a country that had so much potential. like our bok choy joy, we were eager to try new things.

instead, the pall that is settling over this country is everything BUT that. suddenly, we are being thrust backwards, hurled around into the ugliest times that are arriving with each sign of the sharpie. it is beyond incomprehensible to grok why anyone would want this.

as we trimmed the bok choy stem and divided the bundle i thought about all the canned vegetables i had eaten back-in-the-day before frozen vegetables in the days before buying fresh. i don’t think i had ever had fresh asparagus before the early eighties. i had no idea what i had been missing, no idea whatsoever.

cooking with canned asparagus – as I would expect it would be with canned bok choy – is narrow and colorless and bleak. quoting from reddit – “asparagus from a can should be banned as a crime against humanity.” (bellasantiago1975)

co-opting THAT expression now, i’d adapt it to a far greater-reaching, far more ominously perilous outcome than we might imagine: “going back should be banned as a crime against humanity.”

because it IS a crime against humanity.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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how? [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

sometimes the before and after blur into each other – there is no real line of demarcation, no stop-this-start-that.

and sometimes it is very clear and there is no room for doubt. there is a most-definite before and a most-definite after.

we are in the after. after the before. after the then. it is now the now. we are here.

and it is nothing less than stomach-churning-head-pounding-heart-breaking.

and each day I wonder how on earth we got here.

and how on earth is it that so many people wanted us to be here?

*****

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anti-anti-woke. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

three sources. the bible, the statue of liberty on ellis island, the declaration of independence. all pointing – pointedly – to the same thing: no one is lesser or unworthy of respect.

in the current climate of these most-obviously un-united united states, it might do one good to remember any one of these powerful quotes. because the disrespect, minimalizing, oppression, degradation of people, the disenfranchising, the marginalization, the injustice, the out-and-out cruelty is mind-bogglingly unconscionable.

this administration’s pathetic excuses for validation are rampant gish gallop. and you – the anti-woke out there are being taken for a dangerous ride. at any moment, the gish-whip can be turned on you. but remember – you wanted this. you voted for it.

we are not forming “a more perfect union“. we – instead – are heading for dystopia.

a more perfect union loves one another. a more perfect union celebrates the richness of all diversity. a more perfect union learns from each other. a more perfect union is a place where “e pluribus unum (out of many, one) ” counts, where equality is a thriving verb, where each person’s life – regardless of any differences – is valued and cherished.

please wake up, you anti-wokers. your complicit sleep – on the galloping bandwagon over hill and dale all across this country – is killing our democracy.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

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that’s on you. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

we were not the only ones to end the week with an entire bag of cape cod chips and a bottle of wine. it’s somehow reassuring to know we were not alone.

i know exhaustion is dangerous. it’s also the truth. one cannot help but be bone-and-heart-weary in the wake of the scripted chaos that has been this very week in american history.

and then i wonder what THEY see happening….those who intentionally voted for this wreaking-of-havoc.

yesterday we watched a jordan klepper video where he interviewed the new administration’s supporters outside at the national mall in dc, people who had expected to actually view the inauguration in real life. he showed photographs of the insurrection to these diehards and asked if they agreed with the pardons that these insurrectionists had just received. they did – they agreed – these same people who were thrilled – giddy, even – to hear that the garbage truck their redeemer sat in was literally in town. priorities and perspective – and the rule of law – are – apparently – not a real thing here.

but there was one man who jordan interviewed who stated that he had not seen the images he was being shown – images of cruel and absolute violence at the capitol. when pressed about that, he responded that he guessed that the media he watched had not shown those images. when asked if he watched the January 6 hearings, he replied no and then – drumroll, please – he said these words, “that’s on me.”

and so – for those people who are merely foxing it through life – with side jaunts to their facebook flat-friends – i wonder what you are seeing. because it sure doesn’t seem like you are seeing the sh*t that is really happening.

and – because you didn’t take the time to read anything about the agenda of project 2025 or fact-check the clearly-twisted “clean-slate” of your new president or even bother to check in with any sense of moral compass in your own heart (or do you really feel this much hatred??!!!) – you have contributed to the demolition of decency that has already taken place, you are complicit in all that is to come, you have installed a cadre of authoritarianism that the generation before us fought valiantly against.

and that’s on you.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

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our tracks. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

like you, maybe, i woke up on tuesday, sickened. the scourge has impaled the nation and i am stunned beyond belief. though i know we – personally – will be working at keeping on keeping on, the fallout of less than 24 hours was mind-blowing. which i know was the point. shock and awe, as they say.

in the tracks of our future we need to decide just exactly what we wish there. the present tense cannot be that which we leave in our wake, for this twisted leadership’s twisted governing will – most definitely – be the end of humanity as we know it. it is hard to grok this kind of cruelty.

in this time of grieving for our country, our democratic ideals, rights and freedoms on the chopping block to be desecrated, a moral center devoid of morality, the heaviness of depression and dread move in like a thick fog – difficult to see through to the other side. this is stifling, intense, horrible.

and so, maybe, i know how you feel. and sitting in this “collective depression” (john pavlovitz) is necessary – for the moment. we need spend time looking back, looking at now, looking down the road. we need spend time in the middle of it all. there are no easy solutions, i suspect. but each inch of the road forward counts and the tracks we leave will tell the story of our attempt to find balance and peace and goodness. it is the fundamental one-foot-after-another.

even as i write this i know that i don’t know what i’m talking about. not really. i have not lived through such a time. i am – like you – newly embarking on a trek heavy with the baggage of an administration steeped in hatred, retaliation, corruption. to think i know anything about such things is overstating, hyperbole. i – like you – have been mostly fortunate to live – most of my life – in a country with laws, checks and balances, at least a few grains of fairness mixed in. but here we are. and, though 77 million people voted for this maniacal cadre, more did not – through their vote or their silence.

anne frank embraced hope, “i don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”

ralph waldo emerson’s words remind, “life is a journey, not a destination.”

when i come out from under the quilt, reopen the blinds and step out, i know that we will consider carefully our path as we go. we will step lightly and intentionally. we’ll not carry the fancy luggage with leather-edged nasty executive orders and gleeful manifestations of greed and malfeasance with us.

we will carry the scroll of our constitution and its good will from here and now to next days and the days after – our tracks will not be shameful indicators of the worst of us nor will they embarrass us. instead, they will be steady and strong and will tell the story of this journey for “whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly” (martin luther king, jr.) and we have a legacy to choose.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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