reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Tag Archives: aging dogga


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our lighthouse. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

it was nearly 8pm on july 30 when I photographed this sunset on the harbor channel.

we have noticed how dark it is at 8pm now. we have noticed how – in walks west on the channel – how much earlier the sun is setting, how much further to the south the sun rests.

time just marches on.

every friday we look at each other – in surprise – and say, “it’s friday again.” stunning how it all races by. all of it.

after our sweet dogga was seriously ill, we deep-dive researched and changed up his diet to bland homemade foods and monitored him closely. for eleven days he was better. he ate without getting sick, he began to run in the backyard, he looked at us with puppyface eyes. we were immensely grateful.

the day that he got sick – twelve days later – made us scared and destroyed any confidence we had in what had now become routine – making every meal and snicky-snack by hand – and watching to see how he handled it. he is our guiding light and we were taking our cues from him.

we still are. i am writing this post ahead – several days ahead, actually. so i am hoping that by the time it publishes, we are back in a steady zone, that our little lighthouse is guiding us and our care of him through these tougher senior-dog days.

i know that it is important to our dogga that we are centered in this time. i know that it is important to our dogga that we stay focused and balanced, that we don’t forget, that we don’t lose our footing – no matter what happens. i know that the gift of this aussie anam cara is the gift of a lighthouse for the entire time he has been with us, for the entire time he will – sometime – be with us from the plane of existence right next to this plane.

he is our soul dog.

time is speeding by in real life. but here – as we hold caregiving space for the australian shepherd who has taken care of us all these years – it is slower.

in slow motion, we bend to kiss the top of his head, ruffle those incredibly soft aussie ears, whisper how much he is loved.

and the sun rises and sets – and it’s all a mystery – for us and our lighthouse.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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everything. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

everything changed that day.

it was thirteen years ago today.

everything was already changing. we were on our way from seattle in a budget truck – david’s stuff loaded in the back – moving him to wisconsin. everything was in flux for both of us and we were riding on trusting the universe, a 20′ truck and love. it was no small deal.

as you have already read before, the sign “aussie pups” caught my attention and we turned around to drive up the hill at the farm. with only one puppy left – in sore need of adoption – we followed farmer don to see it.

d told me that australian shepherds are usually multicolored, merle, browns and whites and auburns with a bit of black, but never all black – which was good since we had decided that sooooomeday we would get a puppy – a black one so fur wouldn’t show up on our decidedly black wardrobe.

the only thing was – farmer don told us that the reason his only puppy was not being adopted was…wait for it…because he was all black.

cue life change.

we fell for his amber eyes the moment we saw him and he bounded over to us, curious about who he obviously knew was his new family.

even though we left a deposit and drove across the state, debating dog/no-dog/dog/no-dog for the next couple days, we figure dogga knew that whole time.

and then we drove back.

we picked him up. and our hearts and our family grew.

and now – as we watch him aging before our very eyes – as we pass through days when we are so, so worried about him – like this past weekend – we know our time is limited.

“this is nothing new,” you are thinking, “you’ve been writing about this.”

and yes…you are right…we have both been writing about this.

but today – today is that day – the day we met the aussie-angel who has walked with us. and that is a big deal.

he now has tiny grey hairs scattered across his face, not just around his muzzle. and every now and then he looks a little confused when he wakes up. there are other issues and concerns and we deal with each and have many workarounds. we stay home or close to home. there is nothing we can do to change it. we are in this with him just like he has been in life with us, through it all.

as 20 wrote the other day, “no matter how much love and sacrifice we give, we just can’t change the outcome.”

exactly.

what we can do is celebrate the moment that all that black fur came bounding at us – a full-throttled expression of exuberance, a full-throttled expression of i-am-who-you-need, a full-throttled expression of love that has carried us for thirteen glorious years of time spent together.

there are many things we are not doing these days, simply so that we are here for dogga. no matter.

we can hardly remember the before. we cannot think about the after. these days are the important ones.

in every way we are grateful that thirteen years ago our dogga – tripper – chose us and the universe gave us the wisdom to drive back.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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the inherent heart. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

i was glad to see it wasn’t just a tiny puddle. the next time we passed the rocks along the shoreline i looked for the heart again. and there it was. sans rain. which means it is an inherent part of that boulder and that it will be there each and every time we pass by. there is something reassuring about that.

we are living very much in the middle of the decisions you make when you love something unconditionally and you are loved back unconditionally: our dogga.

in these days our everyday decisions are based upon his needs. we have found that dividing up his meals into small meals every few hours has aided his belly, has made him less apt to feel yucky. and so, every few hours we need be here in order to give him breakfast, lunch, dinner or one of the snicky-snacks in-between.

now, being at home at those times cuts down on our ability to come and go, but this is for a beloved dog who dedicated his whole life to us. it is not too much of a commitment to – best as we can – make sure he is feeling well in these later-aging days. and so, we stick around home.

our walks these days are not on our river trail or out in the woods or in the meadows and trails of the state or county parks, nor are they in distant mountains or canyonlands or forests. instead, we stay in the ‘hood and walk our own streets and the sidewalks along the lake and the harbor. our standard walk is 3.5 miles, but we often add to that, walking further. there is a lot to see and no end to the kind of mileage we can add to our exercise regimen, all nearby. driving a half hour each way – or more – adds more time to our time away from dogga, so we choose right local most of the time and are grateful we have such amazing views steps away from our house.

now, every time we pass the heart i will think about our very-conscious decision to stay close to home…close to tripper.

every time i pass the heart i will nod and know that we have chosen love – and time together – for our old dogga.

every time i pass the heart i will remember that dogga – who is soaking up all the belly-bellies he can get – is right there with us, appreciating our staying close – just as he has all these years.

every time i pass the heart now, i know that it will be there the next time too. constant. unassuming. unconditional. inherent.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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