i suppose in-disbelief would also apply.
and horrified.
and sickened.
frustrated, repulsed, outraged, heartbroken, scared, exhausted, disoriented…
…
…overwhelmed.
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING
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by the time it was late enough to see both, we were tired. saturn and the moon were supposed to be sharing close space in the night sky, but it was cloudy and we seriously needed to sleep. the show went on without us, somewhere behind the clouds a glorious celestial ballet.
and the universe carries on with universe stuff. our planet earth still rotates on its axis and moves through its elliptical revolution around the sun with gravity keeping us in check in the solar system. through no effort on our part, it all just happens.
but when the universe picks up high-powered binoculars and zeroes in on planet earth, i wonder about how it views what’s really going on. when the universe dons readers and looks at the fine print of what humanity is really doing to its mother earth and its inhabitants, i wonder if there is a sinking feeling, a loss of hope, gossamer strands of what-is-goodness floating off and off, sans gravity.
lucky for us that – despite insane efforts at denying climate change, an abhorrent lack of environmental responsibility, vicious bigoted and hideous genocidal initiatives, flippant care of wildlife and natural resources, what seems a staunch dedication to a lack of peace-on-earth – we – on this floating globe – somehow are granted another day.
it’s no surprise we’re tired. it’s no surprise a lot of people are tired.
and the ballet goes on.
for now.
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY
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there were multiple times – when my sweet momma was here on this earth – that i brought her yellow roses. they were something special between us – an expression of love between mother and daughter.
yellow roses have a different significance than red. they are indicative of friendship, the deep bonds of love, warmth and joy, fresh starts, gratitude, hope. i read that in japan yellow roses symbolize courage and inner strength.
months ago, a dear friend gave me a small mini yellow rose plant, likely purchased at the floral section of a grocery store. it had several miniature yellow roses blooming and several buds in the waiting when i received it and i figured that it – like other more temperamental plants – would run its course.
it is months later. and the yellow rose is still in its original pot. it appears to love its residence next to the old garden table, on the deck, sharing a bit of space with the basil. it has flourished – bud after bud, bloom after bloom. it has embraced life beyond our expectation. even now, with its leaf-nod to the approaching fall, it has three buds – three bursts of beauty in the offing.
and, every day i look at it i think of my sweet momma. and i wonder about how this particular plant has been so resilient. i wonder if it had a littlebitta help from her.
i wonder if this plenty – this profusion of buds and blooms are tiny messages from her – sent in love, delivering bravery and perseverance. they are certainly well-timed.
and – if my sweet momma is the one whose green thumb from some other plane of existence has helped along this little plant aspiring to burst past what’s expected, to burst past little-life – i remember she is the same woman who wrote: don’t underestimate me…
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY
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the headline on the catalog page read: don’t just go somewhere. be somewhere.
i lounged in the gravity chair on our deck and looked up. just beyond the peaked roof of our house, inbetween the pine tree and our westneighbor’s tv antenna, with the wire that stretches across our driveway stretched right through it, there it was:
the clouds had drawn the sun. exactly like i would have done it had i had big fat sidewalk chalk in my hand and i was drawing on the breezy jet-streamed canvas of the sky: an arc for the sun, rays coming from the hot center. it was obvious, clear, pretty doggone cool.
i grabbed the phone to take a picture and, before it disappeared as if someone had lifted the cellophane on a magic slate, drew it to d’s attention. we were both a tiny bit giddy at this small gift in the sky.
and that’s how i want to live. being somewhere. in each moment.
with all the horrific going on, it is not hard to wonder about time limits on presence.
so – in addition to paying attention, to drawing attention, to downright attentiveness attention to all of that horrific – i’m going to pay attention, draw attention, be downright attentively attentive to being here.
wherever here is at the moment.
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY
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and down the road, around the corner, in the littlefreelibrary just off the sidewalk, the sesame street gang spoke to the wild range of emotions i was feeling.
“happy and sad, grouchy and glad” was facing the glass door of the wooden library box, just waiting to be taken home.
thinking of how many lessons i learned from sesame street and its – clearly woke – characters – even as a parent of young children back in the day – i was tempted. sesame street’s diversity, embrace of differences and handling of difficult topics of injustice was a breath of fresh air….clearly too loving and kind for today’s anti-empathy-anti-free-speech-anti-inclusivity-anti-equality-anti-compassion-anti, well, anti-democracy crowd. it’s exhausting. sad and grouchy don’t even touch it.
i pointed out the book to d as we walked by and we both laughed when i said that it was the perfect book – the understatement of the wild ride of emotions that we have living in this country at this time. i would extract happy and glad to relate only to our personal lives and not the state of the unconscionable insanity of this country.
i didn’t read the book – we didn’t even stop and take it out of the littlefreelibrary. though if we walk past it again today, i might just do that. it might help.
i want to see how elmo and grover and cookie monster deal with the roller coaster of feelings. goodness knows i have some trouble with that these days.
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY
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i don’t honestly think that john lennon’s song needs much explanation or needs me to go on and on about my own yearning for a peaceful, compassionate world.
so i think i will just leave it as it is.
*****
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this tiniest flower of spanish needles reminds me of tenacity…as every plant produces about 1200 seeds to ensure its continued propagation – its desire to be in this world.
to be in this world…to be a part of this universe…to be valued.
we walk – when we walk in the ‘hood – past this plant every day. and every day i am enchanted by these tiny blossoms, in each phase of their living, each season they exist.
and i wonder how so many people – so cavalier – so uncaring – right-here-right-now – in this country – find it so hard to care about the very existence of other people when it is really so very easy to be grateful for the even the tiniest flower.
*****
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supine (adjective) 2. failing to act or protest as a result of moral weakness…
the example given – of this word used in a sentence – was this: “they remained supine in the face of terrible wrongdoing.”
though there are many other adjectives (and nouns) i can think of to describe what is currently happening while this administration attempts to destroy this democracy – the complicity, the evil, the negligence, the capitulating, the out-and-out lawlessness – the word “supine” seems mighty relevant.
relevant and shameful.
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING SMACK-DAB
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“who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? the shadow knows.“
in early october 2020 i wrote a blogpost and quoted this same line from this vintage radio show – the shadow. that show – from way back – the late 30s through the early 50s – stated “as you sow evil, so shall you reap evil“. watching our country reeling – in a voting cycle after four years spent in political hell – in the relatively early stages of the covid pandemic, i asked, “what now?“
it’s five years later and the (repeat) administration of this country has traveled further down the road of evil than i ever thought possible back then. and i ask, “what now?“
carlos ruiz zafon said, “some things can only be seen in the shadows.“
the shadow soul of our country – and its inhabitants – is on display.
what now?
*****
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sometime last week we noticed it. tucked into one of the trees along the lakefront park was this tiny “wishing palace”. i took a photo but didn’t make a wish. i’m thinking i should have made a wish. and now i’m thinking that every time we walk past this tree, we should stop and make a wish.
it’s the what-would-i-wish-for that’s tough, though.
because right now? there are too many things to wish. where does one start? what one thing might be the umbrella over all i would hope for?
how do i wrap up all the goodness i would wish for this country, this world? how do i wish for kindness to lead the way? how do i wish for equality and fairness, decency and compassion? how do i wish for all to live in peace? what is the wish when one desires everyone – every. one. – to have a fair shake at living well, at healthcare, at having food and shelter and necessities, at feeling valued? how do i wish for people to have opportunities for good work, for making a difference for others, for respect? how do i express a wish to dispel bigotry and racism, xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, caste ladders of supposed entitlement? how do i wish for a stop to fealty to those who promote utter brutality and unconscionable treatment of others?
i’m gonna wish for everyone to awaken to the basics of humanity, to the golden rule (paraphrasing: do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you), to the elimination of cruelty and ruthless sadism, for evil intentions to be overcome by noble benevolence, for people to support one another.
but, you say, that’s a lot to wish for. what is your one wish? the one thing that embraces all of these, that overarches every virtuous wish?
i’m gonna wish for wokeness.
*****
read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY
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reverse threading 