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worker bees. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

there are large groups of seagulls here – and they congregate in all the normal places – like on the boulders on the shoreline, on the beach, around the trash bins by the beach, out riding lake waves or soaring above the water and scouring for morsels of food. they also congregate in abnormal places – particularly like the kohls parking lot. i used to joke that they were having a conference – all together for the invocation and then splitting off into groups for brief in-service sessions that are, i suppose, for the purpose of whetting their appetites for more knowledge about a topic – 45 minutes or so before they move on to the next mini-topic breakout session.

perhaps today these seagulls are gathered because they are NOT at the conference. instead, they are having a sit-in…just off the shoreline…noisy and stubbornly not moving. it’s their labor day too, they point out.

my first “job” was to go door to door in my neighborhood, dragging a red wagon behind me that was filled with baby cacti in tiny pots. a little later i diversified and added homemade candles. door to door, selling cacti and candles for $1 and keeping a log in my ledger.

at some point i added washerwoman to my paid-job list, as my grown-up sister hired me to do her laundry at the laundromat. my ledger shows that i earned $5 for this domestic task.

according to my meticulous recordkeeping, babysitting rates way-back-in-the-day were anywhere from $2 – $4 an hour, accompanying soloists for solo-ensemble was merely $2.50 or $3, tutoring math was $3.50 an hour. clearly, i was zealous.

i started teaching piano lessons to beginning beginners at age 16 and my mom drove me to the houses where i taught lessons. $3 (and later $4) covered the cost of a piano lesson, which lasted about 30 minutes or maybe a bit more. i have had countless private students through the years, in my own studio or their homes or at the music studio.

i felt productive doing any of my early “self-employed” jobs. that feeling of pride continued when i started working retail at the outdoor recreation/dive center or the music store or the photography shop. i was happy to earn money that i could save or spend on necessities or, maybe, things i was pining over. i liked being a worker bee.

as an adult, i began working for non-profits and government entities – which ranged from educational to religious to legal settings. it became quickly evident that better pay and perks were not necessarily going to be part of the equation. but, when one chooses to work for a non-profit (or an institution that functions under a not-for-profit basis) – though one hopes for ever-improving pay-and-perks – one knows there are limitations, and rewards for your work come in different packages of appreciation and in knowing you are making a difference in the life of an organization, an institution or a community. most of the time i liked being a worker bee in these settings, though there are definitely exceptions.

when i started my independent recording label, responsible for all the ins and outs of the business, my relationship with work took on different parameters. suddenly, everysinglething was within my scope to dream about, decide upon, to initiate, to represent, to carry out. everything that was related – even in small ways – was important to me and respectful relationships mattered: relationships with those i worked with, those who worked for me, those who were in concentric circles with significant adjacent impact on my company and those who were more removed but still had a role to play. i have loved being a worker bee with my own company, despite all the angst, the napkin math and the middle-of-the-night ruminating.

each of us makes choices about how we wish to fit in – what metaphoric spoke-in-the-wheel we wish – or feel comfortable enough – to be. each of those spokes matter in the big picture, no matter how seemingly minuscule or peripheral or menial. we all do this together; recognizing interdependency is paramount to any success.

in these times – fraught with the elimination of jobs, the dismantling of agencies and regulation, the bigoted prevention or stalling of women and people of color to advance, the trad-wife perversion, the mob-like corruption to stoke up money, the xenophobic erasure of immigrants and their very important work, the pronounced caste system of less and more-more-more – we are looking at an administration that does not seem to care about good old-fashioned work and how it should be rewarded.

ahhh. the importance of labor day.

there are some basics, after all, for us worker bees.

where have those gone??

the seagulls – at their sit-in – are clearly pissed.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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they’re baaack. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

it’s that time of year when the wistfuls arrive. school has just started, a little bit – albeit, the tiniest little bit – of fall is in the air, notebooks and filler paper and mechanical pencils fill the supplies aisles, the lakefront is quieter.

i sort back to my own growing-up and how northport harbor went from bustling to a bit sleepy, how crab meadow beach went from crowded – the smell of coppertone lingering in the air – to deserted with a few people walking its shoreline. things reorganized and people got back to it…structure.

even so, even knowing about the impending wistfuls, i had trouble understanding what was happening when i spent the day close to tears.

i knew i had written another blogpost about the wistfuls – last year – and i just looked back at it. i’m not sure i could say what i said in that blogpost more succinctly:

and is it any wonder that i wonder what the wistful is about???

oh, i imagine that when the wistful hits, it will be with some degree of force. for everything is changing – not just the leaves.

and we are suddenly thrust into a world – a country – where freedom and rights are being usurped, where the administration is upholding the secrecy of sexual predators, where school shootings – with children and adults dying – dying! – elicit merely passive thoughts and prayers, where xenophobic, racist, homophobic, misogynistic leaders wish to eliminate – eliminate! – actual people they consider superfluous, unwelcomed, expendable, where the premise of warmongering seems to be a sport and the propensity to further lethality and offensive actions on those they perceive as disposables runs rampant, where healthcare and the ability to have enough food is considered elite, where having more gets more and having less doesn’t matter.

WHY is it this way?

the wistfuls indeed.

they’re baaack.

so much intensely wrong.

things are truly upside-down.

no wonder i’m feeling weepy.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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divergent paths. [kerri’s blog on flawed wednesday]

(a note: i wrote this blogpost and initially thought i would not share it. i gave it much consideration, time to brew and ruminate over it. i share it now because i fear that too many people out there are feeling this grief, too many people have lost beloveds in this way, too many people can relate to these words, too many people feel alone in this: the brutal division stoked by the actions and attitudes of the current administration and all those perpetuating its ruthless inhumanity. my heart holds space for each of you hurting in this way.)

***

and, though we came from the same place and the same parents, the same set of dna, the same ancestry, we are on divergent paths.

i always held you in high regard. i deferred to you when i was younger – watching you when i was a teen – inspired by you – thinking i wanted what you had built for yourself: a little family, a sweet husband, a house, a good job, a nice car, a pool. i thought you had it all and i believed that, even though we were at different places in life, you and i would always be close – on tightly woven parallel paths, weaving in and out of each others’ lives, forever.

i never expected to be exact samesies. you are more than a decade older than me. that sets up two different social cultures – you are leonard cohen and the righteous brothers and i am john denver and james taylor. you are teased and hairsprayed and i am long and loose. you are eyeliner and lipstick and i am mascara and lipbalm-at-most. you are queen-of-the-prom and i am studious nerd. you are fancy cars and leather pocketbooks and i am high mileage and backpacks. you are hot temper and i am keep-the-peace. you are brand-name and i am whatever-costs-less. you are mani-pedi and i am do-it-myself. you are lovely restaurants and i am modest recipes and leftovers. you are white wine and i am red. you are palm trees and i am aspens. you are the south and i am the north. you are gold and diamonds and i am basic silver. you are generous and i am frugal. you are ethan allen and new and i am peeling-paint-vintage and repurposed. you are worked-for-companies and i am owned-small-business. you are sometimes a bit unaware and i am sometimes ridiculously over-sensitive. you are financially secure and i am ever-teetering.

none of that was or is deal-breaking. of course not. it is simply two people becoming who they are.

i haven’t always been happy with you. it’s likely you haven’t always been happy with me. because of our age difference, you have often chosen to act more like a mother-figure than a sister, judging or instructing instead of supporting. and, at times of true emotional turmoil, you have sometimes chosen to be betraying to our sisterly sisterhood. during the time that our daddy died we stuck it out together. during the time our sweet momma died it was tough. in a nod to avoiding conflict, i didn’t say anything and we continued on in life, still in the same tapestry of family, riding the coaster of both confusing, hurtful missteps and loving support of each other. even with all the reasons i may have been upset with you and you upset with me – through decades of living – i never thought there would be a time when there would be irretrievable distance between us.

until now.

every day i shudder to read what is happening in this country, what cruelty and destruction this administration has now wrought upon the populace of our nation. every day i cannot believe that you are in favor of this hideousness.

it absolutely breaks me.

my sister…our faces look the same. the more i age, the more i see you in the mirror.

and yet, there is something so very basic about our hearts that is different. something so fundamentally and extremely opposite.

and that, my dear beloved sister, has placed us on such divergent paths – such chosen disparate and conflicting paths – that i wonder if we will ever recover.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this WEDNESDAY

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time to fly. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

it is of note that i had to look it up – the first day of school in our town. i am no longer in touch with the district calendar; it no longer has any real bearing on our calendar.

today is the first day. wisconsin has some kind of rule (protecting late summer tourism) that school start must be in the month of september, so september 1st it is.

there is a certain feeling i get in my stomach on the first day of school – even when i, and now my children, have far outgrown this day. though i loved attending school back in the day, it was hard when summer had drawn to a close and my children had to go back to the structure of the school calendar. i missed them being at home. it was hard when i – during the years i taught in public schools – had to adhere to that structured calendar, those structured days. and then, my children’s college years – which presented even more mom-challenges for me. change is tough and redefining oneself as school starts gets those belly-butterflies going.

we drove past one of the colleges in our town and starting talking about jobs for which we had applied at the various higher level education institutions in our town. in the end we were both grateful to have not received offers from any of them. we talked about our lives as artists and that having our own businesses – as difficult as it is, with many pressures and worries – was more our cup of tea. there is no summer-ending-start date or summer-nearing-end date, no defined work hours or time-off dates or in-service dates for your own business. there is also no salary chart or healthcare plan, retirement savings or pension program, employee assistance program or life insurance. nevertheless, our businesses – individually and mutually – have been that which gives us flight and that is what we wish for all, recognizing that everyone will choose differently.

in these days of an administration that pushes back on actual learning of actual facts about actual things that actually happened, i wonder how teachers are dealing with the dumbing-down, the skeletonizing of our country’s history, of literature, of the arts, of science.

i want to believe that children – as they start school again – have – at their fingertips – a wide open horizon that invites them to find their own compass and to follow in the direction or directions they choose.

i would like to believe that they will be encouraged – by our government as well as their teachers – to explore and to dream, to research and to check their work, to seek answers as well as questions.

i would like to believe that they will see that anything is possible for them – if they work at it.

on this first day of school, i wish for each school child to be able to run at the horizon and jump, following their natural instinct to learn, to grow and, mostly, to fly.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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two imperatives. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

oh, if only it were that easy.

though i recognize how very impactful graffiti may be, i am not necessarily a blanket-fan of graffiti on public property.

these words, however, caught my attention: “be happy” “be kind”

such a simplicity – the imperative of life – in two short sentences.

someone – or someones – thought it important enough to place these thoughts in blue spraypaint onto the lake’s shoreline rocks. they didn’t sign their name or names, but i can understand that…that would be risky. nevertheless, they felt the risk of defacing the boulders was worth it – especially in light of the message they were leaving for others to see.

in these recent days, we lost an icon in the music world. dolly parton lived the imperative of art and of tenacity and of life and demonstrated a generosity that leaves a legacy stamped all over the world, forever. her example is profound. happy and kind were her companions.

completely the opposite is the deplorable example of the leader of this country. his feverish need for his name to be everywhere is distorted, narcissistically outsized. his pugnacious and gluttonous attitude prevailing over utterly everything he does, it is difficult to even utter his name without shuddering. this is not something we want graffiti-ed all over our precious country. enough already.

there is a tiny card that sits in my studio. it reads: “if you asked me what i came into this world to do, i will tell you: i came to live out loud.”

to live out loud – happy and kind.

seems pretty simple.

and it is easy to discern the difference – between those who live happy, who live kind and those who do not.

why would we elevate, entrust, enable, elect or endure anyone who does not?

so why – as a country – are we?

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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we rise up. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

as sunflowers age, their woody stems lose the ability to turn back and forth – east and west – in their track of the sun. instead, their older, more mature stalks keep them more planted, most often facing east – to capture the rising sun and warmth from early morning’s rays, to stoke up.

now, i’m guessing that it would be easier for the sunflower if it were able to continually use their magical heliotropism superpower their whole life, but – much like humans – some of their flexibility fades as they get older and they deal with life differently as an aged sunflower.

in the storylines of our own lives, it would be much easier if we were able to constantly pivot to goodness – the sun, easy answers, fixes, healing solutions, the fair solving of problems, any evil affecting us succumbing to accountability.

to think that all might go our way – the first time – or, heck, any time at all – sounds mighty fine.

but life as a sunflower isn’t like that. and neither is life as a human.

instead, lots of times we must set down our expectations and take a breath. a deep breath.

we allow a bit of time to readjust: to maybe grieve, to pine for a different result, to rail over outcomes dashed.

we reassess. we sort. we brainstorm.

we strategize. we plan.

we gear up.

and then – we rise up – with strong and straight spine – and face the next day, ready for what comes next. whatever it is.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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schisms. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

i found myself both infuriated and blubbering. it all suddenly became too much, much too much.

the daily corruption, the cruelty upon cruelty, the absence of any morality or conscience, the vapid extolling of this administration by sycophants – it is just too much.

and the fact that i have family members who agree with this – who cheerlead it – who believe in the extremism and the horror – who WANT this – and this: who have chosen all of this over their lifelong blood-related relationship with me – makes me ill.

it is heartbreaking – as i am sure it is for you as well…you who are dealing with this same sort of schism in your family, friend groups or community. i have lost family as a result of this administration. and that makes me feel rage.

we had survived a growing-up lifetime of memories, moments of utter joy, moments of anger and disagreement, moments of good health and struggling illness, moments of wondrous new birth and moments of despairing death, moments when laughter was the best approach to tension within the family, moments when forgiveness was necessary for betrayal. we had survived all of that – for almost six decades – with the bruises to show for it and the love that sustained it.

but this country’s twisted and irreverent leadership – its sadistic, bigoted, reprehensibly warped, narcissistic, gluttonous leaders – accompanied by cowardly, self-serving members of the cabinet and legislature, concentric circles doing the unconscionable – THIS has blown to bits this family.

there is silence in its wake.

and we are left like flotsam and jetsam – estranged – the detritus of a country-that-was – destroyed – we are floating around – isolated and grieving – without each other because of this.

because playing on the team of hate and division apparently became more fun than the hard work of love and unity. i can’t bear to think that the depravity was just more in alignment with them all along.

it is ALL unforgivable.

just what is our ancestral family legacy now?

*****

LEGACY © 1995 kerri sherwood

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read DAVID’s thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

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it’s happening. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

the sweet potato is growing by leaps and bounds – it’s almost mind-boggling how quickly it has become so large. more accustomed to plants that grow slower, we wonder how it is possible. it’s only been two weeks since we planted the entire potato in this planter, its tiny pink tendril sprouts sticking out of the dirt.

now – merely two weeks later – this sweet potato is vining everywhere. this photo, taken a few days ago, is already outdated; the vine now reaches up onto the deck and is twirling around the pot that holds one of the basil plants. it reaches out to the lavender, over to the tomato, and forward onto the patio. it – seemingly – has no bounds, and these amazing heart-shaped leaves are multiplying, multiplying, multiplying.

the good takeover is happening.

what if love could take over that fast?

*****

embraced now – mixed media 48″ x 36″ (available for purchase)

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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what we put into it. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

there is not a walk we take this summer in our hood – down around the marina and the harbor and the channel – when we are not filled up with beautiful flowers. everywhere we look – along the pathways that intersect by our lake – there are giant standing planters, hanging baskets or gardens brimming over with meticulously-tended blooms and greenery.

the other night we walked slowly past the really big containers along the road that flanks the saturday farmers’ market. every one of the vessels was different – each had a different grouping of flowers and vines – brilliant contrasts of texture and vibrant colors – we did not miss the obvious thought that went into these big concrete urns. it would be easy to produce a gorgeous coffee table photo book of these textures and colors just from these giant planters alone. and in the middle of winter – on one of those cold, grey, sunless days – this book would be an explosion of pantone color charts.

i would be remiss to not offer gratitude to the hard working park staff who carefully plan, plant and care for these stunning displays. we are fortunate to be reminded on every walk that such beauty exists – not only naturally in meadows and forests – but also with a great deal of tending by real people taking exquisite care of flowers growing in our town. a community becomes what people put into it. and though the textures and issues of our community go beyond the flowers, i am grateful for the acknowledgement that this beauty counts.

now – in too-easy juxtaposition – i could easily launch into a tirade about the utter level of ugly – and of unhappiness – that is permeating this country. the cruelty and – truly – twisted torturous devices – both emotional and physical – that are being subscribed to in an effort to make this country what it is not – homogenous.

each and every day i am shocked to my core – nauseated – to see the newest iteration of unlawful ruling or order or statement, the lies, the misinformation, the hideous display of conscience-less immorality, the destruction of national parks and of beautiful resources that make this country unique. every day i cannot believe the depths to which this nation is sinking. every day i am floored by a legislative branch doing nothing to stop this horrific madness. it is utterly devastating – this reprehensible movement. a country becomes what people put into it. and i am left wondering what exactly is being acknowledged as the things that count here.

what is happening all feels catastrophic to me. i know that we cannot do nothing – we cannot hide our heads in the sand while this hideousness just takes over a nation filled with possibility offered by its diverse textures and colors.

we are so much more than the ugly we are witnessing, so much more than the ugly that is in charge, so much more than the ugly that is permeating our every day – in every mind-boggling, on-all-fronts way they can find.

it is up to all of us to put a stop to all this.

every single attempt at beauty counts. every single attempt to stop ugly counts.

we need to fill up and get about it.

we will become what we put into it.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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why the heck not? [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

in the hope of emotional diversion, we have taken to watching videos and video research about bigfoot. yep. sasquatch. yedi. call it what you may.

when we stayed in a mountain town in north carolina – in the pisgah national forest and close to the edges of the nantahala forest – there was a house near us that had large metal sculptures and paintings (or decals) of bigfoot proliferating their house and yard. i now wish we had spoken to these people, to inquire about their experiences and why they were so enthusiastic about this mysterious being. people are either immediately discarding of this “creature” or they are rabidly zealous about it. there’s not a lot of in-between, though i’d say we are somewhere in the in-between space, trying to sort the scientific possibility of reality.

my thought? why not? why wouldn’t there be a creature about which we are not very knowledgeable, of which many have not seen? why wouldn’t there be a creature that has evaded most people, has been able to live in the wild, has telepathic abilities and even some dimensional-change tricks up its sleeve?

and, i would expect that the universe is congratulating these creatures on their ability to live – and thrive – outdoors – as a part of the environment – without destroying it for their own gain.

in expedition bigfoot, scientists and explorers join together to seek out this elusive animal. with intricate technology and boots-on-the-ground investigator skills, they follow the tracks of these beings, evidence mounting in each episode.

i glance down as we walk along the lakefront talking about our latest video indulgence. the bricks under our feet here are ordered, grass growing in most every crack. we wonder aloud how we might feel if we were hiking somewhere and came across a very-very-large naked footprint – not unlike what we are seeing with this deep-diving research team.

i imagine that seeing something like this in-real-life might be somewhat disconcerting. but i don’t imagine that it’s not possible.

i don’t think that we – as humans – should be so arrogant as to think that we know all about every living thing. instead, i believe we should be open to that which is enigmatic or even inexplicable, to that which we need to learn more about. on every continent there is an equivalent to bigfoot in the narrative of the indigenous, there are stories told by real people; there is evidence for these stories.

though – to this point – i have never seen anything resembling bigfoot – in my own life i have gratefully experienced firsthand the absolute mysteries of others reaching across dimension, the grace of life in parallel planes of existence. i remind myself that there is much that is baffling about life, much that is hard to comprehend in a galaxy full of wonder.

and so, i would not be so quick to discard the possibility of bigfoot. after all, i have been surprised over and over again by the souls and the actions of REAL people – so why the heck not?

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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