unnerved | reverse threading

tuesday i was unnerved. it started small – with a reminder from and an uneasiness about people and the surprising ways they turn on others. it grew as i re-read my recents posts of the last few days, an ache in my heart. it grew even larger as we read news articles and studied sites of information. it grew as i watched youtube videos and read fact-checked information.

“these moments left me feeling worried and afraid, realizing what we stood to lose and how easily it could happen.” (*michelle obama – the light we carry)

at the end of the day, i was cranky at david who was cranky back and i wanted to scream … at something, at someone.

i didn’t scream. instead, i wept.

i had lost the day – this beautiful, humid, hot summer day – the only one i would get on july 9th 2024. “but, but…,” my brain interrupts, wanting to justify the loss.

and – in every critical-thinking way, i would agree with my brain – there is so much that is ugly and we have much to lose in this hot mess of a country. it could easily happen. and i am worried and afraid.

in a life-way though? i know i lost the day. all of it. and in the usual good rhythm of our time together, we had lost our day together.

the tide comes in. the tide goes out. it is certain.

and so, we try to deliberately hyper-focus on here and now. we try to focus on our breathing. we try to hold hands and walk slow.

we also try to do the best we can to be aware, to educate ourselves, to speak up and speak out, to ask questions, to try and understand what is happening, what could happen – differentiate between what is real and what is fictitious, what is terrifying potential and what is propagandized narrative.

i am worried and afraid.

and the tide comes in. and the tide goes out. that is certain.

*****

(*though that is not the context of michelle’s words in the above quote, their relevance struck me as i began to read her book today.)

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

*SPOONS AND SANDCASTLES mixed media 28″ x 57.5″*

like. subscribe. share. support. comment. ~ thank you. xoxo

*buymeacoffee is a tip-jar website where you may support the continuing creating of artists whose work touches you.* ♡

magical. the starry tufts of white floating on the breeze. seeds from wild flowers, they are on a course not of their own volition. white filaments of dandelions, designed to fly and leave a wake behind their path, fluff past, on their way to parts unknown. part of the wind. dandelions’ wispy seeds can be aloft over a half mile before parachuting their way to the ground. no gps, no triptik, no maps or intended destination.

much like how it feels right now. a part of the wind.

in this time of global pandemic, of racial protest, of economic strife, of political chaos, it feels as though the wind has taken me. battered to and fro, it feels as it there is no determined destination, no way to avoid the headwinds, no escaping the jet stream. the wind just picks me up and takes me, each day, to a different place. never physically far from the place of origin, it makes me feel just enough of a lack of control that i am ill at ease, never quite settled, never quite sure, always a bit tentative, always wary.

and instead of letting the breeze blow and riding it like a standup board in a serene lake, i resist. i find the need to know – where am i going? – too pressing, too unnerving. i paddle against the current, seeking ways to see, to move in a direction that makes sense. but it’s ineffective. i tire and give it up to the myriad of air currents swirling around me.

it is what it is. we are, indeed, a part of the wind. just starry tufts.

download PART OF THE WIND on iTUNES

read DAVID’s thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Tag Archives: unnerved

the tide. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

starry tufts. [k.s. friday]

Share this:

Share this: