the sink is clogging. the fridge is leaking. the hall needs to be painted. the dishwasher stalled years ago. the sitting room floor needs refinishing. the doorknob fell off the bedroom door. there are deck screws to tighten and weeds to weed from the patio blocks. the window sash rope is broken. the mailbox needs repainting. the front rail needs sandblasting. the hydrangea needs to be tied for support. the garage needs to be cleaned, the basement storage culled. the vinyl siding needs to be washed, the gutters emptied, the chimney redone.
all in due time. like everyone else’s houses.
slowly but surely we get it all done. we are not brilliant masterminds of DIY home repair. my reticence to start a project has less to do with laziness or procrastination and more to do with grokking this lack of savvy. i utter, “i don’t think we should do that,” to his “and then i’ll just….” and we stammer through a few ridiculous heated words about manhood and ability and blahdeeblah till we start laughing because – really – we rarely have any idea what we are doing in these repairs – even with youtube at our beck and call.
i try to channel my daddyo; he was the king of repair. at least he seemed that way to me – always invoking in me confidence and trust that things were not going to get worse. my big brother was like that too.
but – the two of us? well, not so much. it’s all guesswork. sometimes it goes well and sometimes….? well, suffice it to say the sink is leaking now too.
took everything off every surface. dusted everything. put some things away. moved things around. got rid of excess. hung a favorite print. and – with great care – gently vacuumed the inside of my really beautiful piano, for full-stick is an invitation to dust.
i stood back, stood in the doorway, looking in.
the room was breathing. deep breaths.
i was breathing. immersed.
there is still more to go through. there is more to file away. there is former work-trauma to discard and there are calendars of choir music and ukulele band books and handbell arrangements and contemporary solos to box up. the first pass didn’t get all those and now, two years later, i am still a little paralyzed by all of it. that’s why it all needs to go. this process is taking longer than i would have anticipated. “mind, body, spirit,” she said. “it’s not likely others will understand all the layers. they will expect you to just move on, to get over it. they will not grok the wounds; it is all fraught.”
but there were staff lines in the sky. and the universe prompt is haunting me a little.
it’s always had a purpose – my studio – a direct line from standing or sitting in there to actual work. i’ve not just noodled or played because i was just playing. i’ve stood in there to write – to flesh out an album, to practice, to plan – the arc of music for a concert or for a church calendar, to teach – so many students through the years. it hasn’t been a place i go to without purpose, without an end-product, without a result i could see. as an adult, my studio has represented the potential for income; it has been a professional place. now there are questions. many of them. like living in a blank staff, i live – lost – in the questions.
i played my piano. a few carols.
there is one more day this year. and then 2023.
and i won’t carry carols into the new year. it will be time for something else, something less dusty.
there’s some way to go. it’s not as simple as it sounds.
the staff lines in the sky hold no clues, have no notes.
maybe – instead of reading that as tacet – silent – i might – and “might” is the operative word here – read that as a composition without designated key, without predetermined time signature, without definitive expression markings, sans any direction or boundary.
the most important tupperware – the pieces that i will likely save forever and ever – are the sippy cups with lids and the brightly colored small everything-in-a-bowl-bowls that The Girl and The Boy used when they were little. years into college, The Girl came home, went directly to the cabinet, took out a sippy cup, went to a drawer below, pulled out a lid, poured some juice into the cup, attached the lid and announced, laughing, “i don’t want to adult anymore.” if it were that easy to avoid, i suspect all of us would be using sippy cups fairly often. but oh…those sippy cups and those bowls. a trove of little-kid-memories, a rainbow of cups and bowls waiting for maybe the next generation.
my sister sold tupperware. well, at least that’s what i remember. she also sold mary kay products, so i wonder if i am getting confused. nevertheless, she has more tupperware than anyone i know, so i suspect i am right about her long-ago-sales-effort. as a result, i have tupperware that spans the years…clearish-white picnic-size salt and pepper shakers, an iceberg lettuce keeper, orange canisters in the closet, tools that zip the peel off oranges, section and core an apple, cut around the pith of a grapefruit, make gravy-making easier, things with lids that store other things. my hands can still feel working the push-button on the top of the decanter my sweet momma always used for iced tea.
this room – at the school days antique mall – appealed to both of us. all the tupperware was organized by color. it made it interesting and easy to be around. it felt less haphazard and more intentional. it made us want to look at it. there is another booth that we both cannot even think about entering; it is a chaos of piled articles, none of which stand out from the mess. the organization was something that, i’m quite sure, took some time, but it paid off. the investment in effort to make it appealing, the deliberate intention to be ordered made this booth more worthy of time spent. i appreciated that. it wasn’t lost on me that this organizing philosophy of tupperware could apply to most anything. taking one’s time, baby step by baby step, clean and organized and with a well-intentioned end goal in mind leads to an outcome far better than what any chaos could yield. hmmm. where else could that apply…..
i’m thinking that anyone who has ever wanted vintage tupperware or needs to replace a piece of their own collection will find it in this place. and, because of the neat, clean orderliness, they will purchase it, trusting the integrity of the piece in the sale. it’s much harder to think about purchasing a piece from the piled mess in a far corner of another room in the building. were i to want something specific to actually be able to use, i would not look for it there.
regardless, i have enough tupperware. all i really need is those sippy cups and those plastic bowls.
reverse threading 