reverse threading

the path back is the path forward


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the saddest perspective shift. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

from the patio of our airbnb, it all looked tiny. lake powell, framed by red rock, was a stunning blue under an equally stunning blue sky. the vista was beautiful. in the aperture of my phone’s camera, sans telephoto help – it was sooo small.

but the fact of the matter is that it wasn’t small at all. it was simply a matter of perspective. these sculptured vistas were a very long way below us – our elevation was well above the lake level canyons…perhaps even 1000 feet. it still never failed to amaze me as i gazed at it all, 360 degrees of amazing, relishing it at each point in the days we were there. it felt as if we had the advantage of a soaring eagle, looking down on this utterly gorgeous view.

such vastness was overwhelming. it was perspective-arranging. that which looked tiny was indeed of gigantic proportion.

and, in the way of perspective, i am just now beginning to understand something else.

in regard to the current presidential election – i think that i have been pushing back on the possibility, refusing to believe, hoping against hope – in terms of voters supporting the maga candidate and the maga agenda – that people were just ill-informed, not fact-checking, not paying attention. i was thinking that watching propaganda tv was smearing this vitriol into their brains, gaslighting them, and that – in the limited access they have chosen – they did not know better than to question it. i was thinking that reading, viewing, listening to the narrow, incomplete, customized rhetoric of maga tv/media was normalizing this candidate’s incapacity to be president, was eliminating details and that – were people to actually be cognizant of his unfit-ness, of these details – they would think differently.

i suppose – in some cases of maga supporters – that could be true. that that hateful bandwagon’s lure makes one indiscriminate, makes one not want to question or understand or find the truth. instead, it makes one loud, stubbornly clinging, ill-advised, completely deaf to reality, ignoring danger as if it didn’t exist.

and, in the other cases, i suddenly – and very sadly – had a moment of enlightenment, a perspective shift. and i am taking back the grace i had granted.

i realized that these people scroll just like me, they listen and read and, thus, they completely understand this candidate’s hate-mongering, the maga intentions, the efforts to thwart freedoms and dehumanize women, LGBTQ, races other than white.

i realized that they WANT these agendas, they WISH for nationalism, they BELIEVE that this candidate is their savior and that his racist, misogynistic, prejudiced, crass thinking, words and actions are entertaining and they AGREE with him.

i realized that they LIKE the thought of an america led by a pitiful human who pushes immigrants under, who demeans democracy, who touts authoritarianism, who dreams of power, who spews vulgarity.

i realized his sexual abuse of women, his hateful promises of mass deportation, his incitement of insurrection, his undeterred, adoring alliances with dictators, his felony convictions MEAN NOTHING to them.

i realized that they LIKE this grotesque and venomous character, this unending vortex of chaos and ugliness.

and here i was thinking maybe they just needed more information or access to research, to ask questions, to seek the truth, to consider their legacy, to hold to democracy.

here i was thinking that maybe another perspective might help them see, might help them discern, might help them find their moral compass.

here i was thinking that they weren’t hearing the whole story, that they weren’t informed, that they weren’t hearing what this candidate was saying, that they didn’t know what the maga agenda really was, that they had no idea what destruction project 2025 would inflict on this country.

here i was thinking it was a lack of awareness, a misunderstanding, not their fault.

i was wrong.

entirely wrong.

they WANT this.

the vista in the lake powell desert shifted when i realized that our vastly increased elevation played a part in my perspective. it recaptured the immensity that viewing from lake level afforded it.

the election shifted when i realized that this is – truly – what these maga people WANT. that i live in a country where people – half the populace – WANT the despicably ugly.

and that is the nadir of it all. the absolute lowest point that eclipses all other low points. rock bottom. tragic.

i have never felt such pure disappointment in humanity.

*****

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opportunity of the sun. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

it was the last arch on the map without going backcountry. we stared down the long hill, weighing the opportunity to see it against the very hot sun and our very tired elevation-trail-challenged bodies. we chose the opportunity to see it.

i’ll never forget the first time i saw this incredible place. our daughter videotaped my reaction – gleeful that i was teary-eyed from the beauty. “i think she likes it!” she quipped.

we left the rest of the group on the top of the hill and started to hike down. and down. and down. tunnel arch pulled us – our thoughts – go now for when will we be back? – drawing us further downhill, even knowing we would need to hike back up.

it was absolutely worth it. the sun was getting lower in the sky over the arch and blue sky shined through the perfect circle worn into the red rock. opportunity knocked and we answered. and, despite the tough uphill, we were grateful to have seen this stunning sight.

opportunity is funny like that. you know that there are sacrifices as well as rewards. and you need to sort it out, choose that which balances you, fulfills you. in this case, immersion in arches national park – as much as possible for that day – was our choice.

and that light. the red rock glowed, the sage was lit. there was no way to succumb to feeling tired at the bottom of the trail we had just taken.

instead, the sunlight was invigorating, outlining the graceful curves of the arch, tempting us to hike closer. had there been time – and had our pals not been waiting on the crest of the hill – we would have hiked into tunnel arch itself.

i can imagine nestling against the curve of its wall, soaking in the sunlight, resting from the day. i can imagine that the sun would have replenished the energy we needed to rejoin our friends, to hike out, to finish this glorious day. i imagine that the sun would have swept away any vestiges of tiredness, replacing those with gratitude and awe.

tunnel arch offered us an opportunity. and in taking that very opportunity i was reminded of martin luther king jr’s words:

“my place is in the sunlight of opportunity.”

sunlight. opportunity.

“we have before us the glorious opportunity to inject a new dimension of love into the veins of our civilization.”

opportunity. love.

“…we have an opportunity to make america a better nation.”

opportunity. america.

vote for sunlight. vote for awe, for love, for the gloriousness of this sacredly beautiful nation. vote for opportunity.

vote for what TRULY makes america better. 💙

vote for kamala.

*****

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carry forward my dad’s good. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

my dad went missing-in-action in world war II when my mom was expecting their first child. she gave birth to a baby girl who died later the same day – still while my sweet poppo was missing-in-action.

later, my dad was declared a prisoner of war, held captive, shot down over the ploesti oil fields of romania, taken prisoner in bulgaria.

my dad – who would have been 104 last week – had enlisted in the army air corps of the united states because he was invested in protecting the world against the rise of fascism and its horrors. despite having a brand new bride, he risked his young life to push back against authoritarianism, never wavering, courageous and stalwart.

to think that anyone related to my dad would vote then for a fascism-dreaming candidate to be the president of this country would be a slap in the face of my father, a wave of the hand dismissing his time as a soldier, missing-in-action, as a prisoner of war.

my dad was the good. he participated in an effort that was necessary to keep our democracy, to help the world regain some solid footing, to expose the terrors of extremism.

and now, with absolutely no uncertainty, i will do my part. i will carry forward his good.

i am not on the front lines, fighting a war or in the throes of bombing or intense strife. but i am living in these united states- a country divided like no other time. i am sickened by what i see in the maga candidate, the maga agenda – the hatred, the bigotry, the propaganda – intentions borne of the extreme, of the self-serving, of all manner of prejudice.

i know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that my dad and my mom are casting their votes for this election from the heavens above.

they are calling from that other plane – no, they are shouting from that other plane – “BE THE GOOD!!!” they implore us.

i will not turn my back on the sacrifices of my father, the terror my sweet dad experienced. it is with gratitude for his service to our country – and with gratitude for the service of all veterans – that i vote for the continued democracy of these united states.

my vote will be for kamala harris and tim walz.

yes, daddy, obviously.

be the good. elect the good.

*****

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under the sun. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

“have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful than the way the sun, every evening, relaxed and easy, floats toward the horizon and into the clouds or the hills, or the rumpled sea, and is gone –

and how it slides again out of the blackness, every morning, on the other side of the world…” (mary oliver)

and, in the high desert of moab, i watched as the sun took its rest from day. slowly it sunk down below the mesa in the distance, slowly hiding behind the mountains, slowly the sky echoed that it would be night, that we could now slumber and wake to yet another new day.

and, in the morning, we rose before the sun had graced the top of the east peaks. we stood and watched, waiting for this next new day, another day that would be filled with beauty, with grand landscapes, with awe.

“and have you ever felt for anything such wild love – do you think there is anywhere, in any language, a word billowing enough for the pleasure that fills you, as the sun reaches out, as it warms you as you stand there, empty-handed…”

here, back at home, in our adirondack-chaired backyard, we try to recover from covid. we move slowly, slower than the sun, with far less energy, far less potential at the moment. we review our time out west, looking at pictures, telling stories. we are in a strange fog right now – waiting for the sun of restored health to burn off the woozy.

we sleep, we eat bits of food, we hydrate, we sit outside. we write a bit. we scroll. we, unfortunately, are compelled to watch the news.

and it is as we watch the news of this election – as i think of the people who are supporting the madness of a candidate who has vowed retribution on the american people, i am stunned to my core that i know these people, these maga voters.

i am stunned that under the very sun that has graced each of us with warmth, with life itself, there are supporters who will elect this distorted human being with dreams of fascism in his blank eyes. i cannot imagine he has ever watched the sun rise or the sun set – for, if he has, he has lost the dream of what life itself is, what living together under the sun could be.

“or have you too turned from this world – or have you too gone crazy for power, for things?”

*****

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america. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

we entered the tranquility of sand dune arch. we had passed by sandstone discs of giant proportion, climbing into a slot that took us into the almost-hidden area tucked between towering rock formations. and suddenly, we were in the midst of graceful lines of years gone by, of weather that had formed gentle arches, softly curved stone, a garden area like no other.

if there was a designated female arch, this must be the queen of them all. such beauty, color, sunlight playing off sweeping angles. it was stunning. and in here, taking in all of this, the temperature – that was soaring in the nineties – was cooler. this was a place of serenity, of peace, of revitalizing, of comfort. it was, no doubt, one of my favorite spots in all of arches national park.

without fear, d and i stepped into the slot at the back of this courtyard of red rock. we slid along the narrow passageway until fallen rocks blocked our path. we marveled at what seemed frozen in time but was in reality ever-shifting, never static. we were truly in wonder.

there was a certain camaraderie as we stepped out of these discs, out of this beautiful sand-rock-garden. we spoke to other people, all amazed by the sheer power of this place. there were no lines drawn, no differences, no fingers pointed. it was utter embracing of the moments we had experienced. we were all thrilled to have experienced the kind of beauty into which we had stepped. together we tried to come up with superlatives that even just began to describe this place.

this is the america i understand.

the appreciative, the generous, the together.

it was quite a while before i scrolled after that. not only because scrolling in the car is motion-sick-worthy, but because i wanted to stay immersed in all we had seen, i wanted to stay wrapped in the beauty of this land. driving in the car and staring out the window gave me tiny insights into new places that studying my phone – and missing it – would not have afforded me. i wanted to stay in the america that I understood.

but time – like these red rock formations and arches and hoodoos and canyons – does not stay still. time is fluid and, in due time, we were back at our airbnb and checking in on our phones was of the moment.

and then, i was astounded by what i saw and read. and now, i am astounded by what i see and read.

this is not the america i understand.

this place – with half this country supporting a presidential candidate full of hatred and fascist intention – is not deserving of this beauty we were witnessing. this place – with a party claiming to wish to make america great again – pushing people under water, drowning fought-for freedoms, amplifying extreme bigotry and xenophobia, annihilating the rights of women and of the LGBTQ community, eliminating the ideals of democracy. it is dangerous. it is utter madness.

this is not the america I understand.

there are 63 national parks and 429 national park sites in these united states. there are innumerable state parks and tribal park sites. we visited 5 national parks, one state park, one tribal property. merely the tip of the iceberg, as they say. the sheer number of people viewing these beautiful places demonstrated a love of this land – by so many.

so how can one stand in a place so glorious – in this country – and have such an ugly heart as to align with the fascist ideals of a madman who surrounds himself with the most evil?

i don’t understand.

america, we are at a crisis point.

all the beauty put together – from across all our land – from every national park, every state park, every tribal or historic site, every everyplace under the sun from sea to shining sea – will not rejuvenate our democracy if we lose it in this election.

and no graceful arch, no sandstone hoodoo, no soaring mountain or bottomless canyon, no rippling stream or rushing river or glassy lake, no sunlight or moonlight or bluebird sky day will be able to change that.

it is up to us. right now.

*****

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the past, the present, the future. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

our daughter wrote, “it’s a hidden gem!” and i agree. we were grateful for her encouraging us to adventure here.

one of my favorite places, goblin valley state park in utah was a playground like no other. two artists – with active imaginations – we could have stayed there all day. this place – full of hoodoos and really interesting sandstone/siltstone formations engaged us, made us giggle, invited us to run about in delight, insisted we play.

we were invigorated – even in intense heat and unforgiving sun. even as we were there – even before we had to leave – we talked about coming back, to be with these sprites, enchanting stone babies.

we traveled to many national parks in our nine days all together. though we would hike to take photographs and explore sites a bit, our inclination to hike the narrows at zion remains a wish for another day, trails at bryce remain unseen. the hike right up to delicate arch at arches will have to wait and an attempt at crossing the grand canyon – rim to rim – or even riding down into the canyon didn’t make the cut – this time.

but goblin valley was another story. and the absolute charm of these goblins tugged at us – taunting us and enchanting us.

i sat down on one of these sandstone sculptures, tucked into its graceful shape – mystified by the sheer beauty of the valley. once again, i was but a tiny being, part of a much bigger whole.

this time – this time – i was touching the past, the present and the future…a sandstone deposit from 170 million years ago…this very day…and these magical hoodoos which would prevail long after i am gone.

*****

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which story? [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

sometime between 300 and 1300 c.e. there were people in this south central utah area who wanted to tell a story, to preserve it. their narrative – told in petroglyphs – was about their daily living – their families, livestock, wildlife they hunted. it was a narrative of living in community. it is astounding to witness the carved chiseling of so long ago, humbling to imagine living in such a harsh, difficult environment. you can feel a pull from the earth as you stand there – something that binds you to those moments so many centuries before. you gaze at these figures and are struck by the humanness of this history – despite absolutely different living conditions, we all simply wish to tell a narrative of our living.

the petroglyphs we were fortunate to see at capitol reef did not depict fighting. they did not depict division nor hatred. they did not depict power or control struggles. they did not depict what would certainly be pictured as part of petroglyphs were there to be some telling the tale of right now.

in absolute embarrassment about how low this country’s people have sunk – the inability to hold democracy and freedom-of-all-to-live as essentials – the spewing hatred and vitriol – i cannot imagine what story petroglyphs etched into big red rock canyon walls now would tell – later.

covid has given us some free time. in-between moments of feeling absolutely horrendous, we have succumbed to reading articles, scrolling the news. it is utterly disturbing.

i want to scream, “this is not about you!!!” to people caught up in the despicable hate, in the misinformation, the disinformation, the conspiracies. i want to beg people to consider the future of this country’s democracy, the future beyond their own lives, to vote for something hopeful. i want to ask people to just stop, listen, think, consider.

i do not recognize you – you, who are supporting the heinous intentions of the maga-party. i do not recognize you – you, who are turning a blind eye to people in your midst who you claim to care about or even love – as you sign on to extreme changes of freedoms in these un-united states. this is not a difference in policy-embracing; this is a deeply undermined philosophical difference on humanity. i do not recognize your heart, turned so very angry, exclusionary, cold. and, in turn, my heart is broken, seeing this, seeing you – now.

but i know the power of rhetoric, the sheer toxic force of those who lie. i have experienced being the subject of warped narrative, of agenda-riddled powermongers. and in my tiny subset of experience, i have seen people – who i never would have expected – support the lies, push the ugly agenda, fight to win. but it is in their winning that they truly lost. and i believe they know that.

if there were to be petroglyphs or pictographs on red rock canyon walls telling our story – the story of we-the-people of these times – what would we wish them to depict?

it boils down to a pretty basic question.

is it a story of community? or a story of devastating division and hate?

which story?

who are you?

*****

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not bad. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

in an understatement of understatements, the words “not bad” on the sticker on the railing at this bryce canyon overlook made me laugh aloud.

for this was grandeur, indeed.

the expansive country in front of us – here at our very first overlook – rainbow point, the highest elevation of the stops.

the national park brochure describes it as poetry in stone and i would agree. it is a dynamic place, ever-changing, engaging beyond the pale. you cannot help your heart soaring, your pulse racing. it is every word and no words.

we were thrilled. to be there. to be there all together. to experience this inspiring place.

the brochure promised mesmerizing. the canyon land did not fall short.

we were completely awestruck by its magic.

yes, bryce, not bad.

*****

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get patriotic. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

“there is nothing so american as our national parks…the fundamental idea behind the parks…is that the country belongs to the people, that it is in process of making for the enrichment of the lives of all of us.” (president franklin d. roosevelt, 1934)

it is impossible to stand in our national parks and not be filled with a pure sense of patriotism. the vistas of zion national park – and each place we experienced – sparked our “america, the beautiful“.

even right now, when the word “patriotic” presents entendre at best questionable, we could feel it…the heart-swelling kind, the proud-of-this-land kind, the we-are-so-fortunate kind. certainly not the nationalistic, extremist, exclusionary, divisive, white-man-only-drum-beating kind.

we were all trying to take a little time away from politics, from the news of the day, trying to immerse in the beauty and ignore the ugly.

but – i must say – ignoring the ugly in the middle of the beautiful seemed irresponsible to me. because just as our national parks are fundamentally ours – belonging to the people of this country – so is the constitution and the goodness of this country. and that, my friends, is in peril. and i could not forget it…even out in the sacred wild-ness of this land.

project 2025 – the playbook for maga – seeks to repeal the 1906 antiquities act – the first united states law passed for the purpose of protection of these national parks and places of national monument, protecting cultural and natural resources with historic or scientific value. project 2025 wishes to eviscerate these protections, giving that administration free latitude on decisions for all these lands.

standing in bryce, in zion, in arches, in capitol reef, in the grand canyon, we can only be too aware of the presence of the protections for these glorious tracts of land. we cannot imagine another fate for these places of intense beauty. this landmark law – the antiquities act – has safeguarded these places for the use and enjoyment of current and future generations – a law of responsibility and virtue.

the national park service pledge promises to the people of the united states “the owners of our nation’s parklands” – among other things: “to protect your right to experience the presence of superlative wildness and scenic grandeur, to communicate to all an understanding of the people and events that shaped these united states, to join with all people of this and other nations in conserving and renewing the total environment to keep this world a pleasure to live in…”

there was an older woman – likely in her 70s – heading toward us on the path. she was clearly enjoying her time at the park. and as she passed, she proudly wore a “women for –” maga hat on her head. i stared at her hat. every ounce of me wanted to stop her and have a conversation. i wanted to know what had happened to her in her life that made her wish for a man who demeans, abuses, detests women to be the president of this beautiful country. i wanted to know how she could – in all good conscience – wear a hat with the name of a convicted felon, a rapist, a liar, a racist, a misogynist, a grifter, an insurrectionist, an exceptionally narcissistic inward soul-less and pathetic old man. i wanted to know how she could support that candidate’s efforts to undermine the rights of so many. i wanted to know if she was thinking about any future generations. i wanted to know how she could justify that candidate’s desire for autocracy, for revenge, for a cruel and divided america. i wanted to know how she could walk on this sacred and protected land knowing that her candidate of choice doesn’t give a damn about it. i wanted to know how she could wear THAT hat.

i simply cannot wrap my head around it.

it was impossible to avoid. here we were – in the grand expanse of unspeakable and stunning beauty – and i was worried.

there is little time left before this election.

it is time to get patriotic – in the purest and truest sense of that word. protect the constitution of this country. protect the rights of the people. protect the land. protect your daughters and sons and grandchildren. protect the united states.

turn the page on this hideous candidate and the extremism of his ugly self-serving and incoherent, angry rhetoric, his vile intentions.

move forward. keep this world a pleasure to live in.

*****

patriotic: having or expressing devotion to and vigorous support for one’s country.

*****

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the stuff. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

if you asked me to name one striking thing about our relationship, i would tell you that we are touchers. we hold hands, we walk arm in arm, we snuggle. there are exquisite moments like when he kisses the top of my head or unexpectedly rubs my shoulders.

this is not the stuff of the grandest passion of romance movies, but it is the stuff of grand passionate romance.

i will hold hands with this man anywhere, any time. for all time.

*****

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