reverse threading

the path back is the path forward


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9 to 5’ers. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

she said it: “we’re 9 to 5’ers!” and i laughed. “so are we!!” i replied. and, most days, it is pretty much true. sleepynightnight time comes earlier these days – with exceptions – and so does the first coffee in the morning. much earlier. and i like it this way. there is nothing like the sunrise streaming in the window, spilling onto our quilt, dogga at our feet and hot coffee in our hands. perfection.

in life, though, neither of us has spent all our time as a 9 to 5’er – in the traditional sense. though we have both had positions in professional arenas, we have mostly spent our lives either working for non-profits or in entrepreneurial projects and ventures. neither of those are 9 to 5 jobs. they are whenever-wherever-however-you-are-needed jobs.

from an earnings point of view, these are usually not spectacularly paying positions. they are not laden with benefits; they generally do not provide any kind of annuity or retirement.

from a practical point of view, there are often not enough hours in a day to do all the work you invest in when you sign on with a non-profit. it takes a big heart and an absence of calculators and time clocks to keep moving the soul of an organization forward. one would be saddened to divide salary paid by hours worked. instead, it takes true joy and every good intention. because it is about service and about passion, patience and resilience. from indeed, “when working for a nonprofit, the work you’re doing is meaningful. instead of working to grow a company, you’re working to make a difference.” the bottom line is mission. 9 to 5 flies in the face of nonprofit anima.

it is what it is.

we drove – early morning – to milwaukee a couple weeks ago. in the thick of commuter traffic and travelers, i was reminded that this was somewhat unfamiliar for me. it was a little hard for me to grok the unhappy faces of drivers around us. maybe they were heading to the 9 to 5. maybe they were tired of the grind. maybe they were just tired. i don’t know.

it prompted conversation between us about the kind of hours we worked in various service organizations and institutions over the decades. always on some kind of salary, those hours weren’t etched in stone. there weren’t time sheets and – likewise – there weren’t end-of-year bonuses. there were giant ideas and creative collaborations, camaraderie developed through shared interests and abilities, dedication with real-live love at the core. that stuff isn’t etched in stone. it’s soul.

i laughed when kate said they were 9 to 5’ers, for they are now retired and volunteering up a storm. but i agreed. for we are as well.

early to bed and early to rise. we are – at long last – real-life 9 to 5’ers.

*****

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SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2024 kerrianddavid.com

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bricks and boundaries. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

the snow fell in a not-so-unexpected twist of march. it was heavy and wet and, in its stickiness, made the world around us beautiful. we were both glad for it. now, a few days later, we are ready for tulips and daffodils. but for those days that it stuck around, it was perfect.

the old wall out front is one of my favorite things about our yard. it is far from perfect; its mortar is shedding. but it is gorgeous old brick and divides the upper yard from the lower yard. when the water company did their thing out front, i was worried it would topple. my fears were alleviated when they dug next to the wall and i could see that there was a four-foot footing deep into the ground, at least holding up the structure in a basic way. not that some of the bricks would not individually separate from the wall, but the wall itself would remain stable.

boundaries are kind of like that. weather – or things – or people – can try to undermine them, but a good solid foundation – and some sisu – will ultimately keep them standing.

this is something i have needed to remind myself.

in a time when finessed narrative and the non-telling of truth has been rampant, i need remember to stand firm, to hold fast, to grit my teeth and trust what i know to be true. i need remember that people are all fallible and that gossip is a more powerful force than truth and that anyone who doesn’t ask questions – seeking truth – should be paid no heed.

i have discovered – painfully – that people will attempt to knock all your bricks down for their own purposes, whatever those may be. i have discovered – shockingly – that people will declare their own righteousness and – yet – will fabricate whatever it takes to be right, to be more powerful, to be better. i have discovered – disappointingly – that people will betray others for agenda.

i haven’t really understood completely why i love that old brick wall so much. we could have our yard smoothed out – level the higher and lower portions – or smooth out the difference in a gentle slope. but i truly do love the wall. the old bricks – which have endured decades of time and the changes and challenges that weather brings. the old bricks – with a patina that no tumbler would be able to attain. the old bricks – worn in just the right way – bits and pieces broken off, yet still standing.

mostly, i have discovered that old brick walls have a real purpose in life.

as do boundaries.

*****

BOUNDARIES from RIGHT NOW ©️ 2010 kerri sherwood

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65. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

today i am 65 and this is my future.

it is full of seeds, full of possibility, full of tomorrows.

and it will all spin and float and whirligig – just like these maple seedpods.

though wrinklier now than in last spring or last summer – and, really, ever more wrinkly – these samaras are ever viable and will coax saplings from the ground once they disperse. with big breezes at their backs, the winds of change, the tug of relevance, in fields of gold and forests of native plants. though they have been dormant, though they haven’t germinated for months or even years, they remain alive.

alive.

resilient.

for placing samaras in a bowl of water, it is the seedpods that sink that have seeds likely to germinate. the others – the ones floating – are less likely, though sometimes it simply takes a little soak in warm water, a little good soil and a continued cold blast of air for some time – a bit of fallow – that will draw out the remaining life.

it’s funny. you’d think that the test for a maple seed would be it if floats in water – floating – the ability to rise above that which wishes to drown you. but the real test – for the likely viability of a maple seed – is to hope that it sinks. clearly, maple seeds hold their breath.

and then, the seeds breathe. out of the bottom of the bowl in which they have sunk. and the seeds sprout. even from the trauma they have endured, the inertia they have tolerated. and the seeds grow big strong maple trees, even though buckthorn and other toxic invasives would prefer them stifled. the maples withstand, persist, ride it all out.

so – for those of you out there who are thinking 65 is run-roughshod-over, washed-up, put-out-to-pasture, tested by toxins, no-longer-relevant, done – i have some news.

some good news.

it is the steadfastness of a drowned seedpod.

or, in the case of a wrinkled-up-old-floater, just a little warm water, a little good soil, a little cold fallow and then, a little sun.

either way, watch out. 65 is only the beginning.

*****

THAT MORNING SOMEDAY from BLUEPRINT FOR MY SOUL ©️ 1996 kerri sherwood

IN A SPLIT SECOND from AS SURE AS THE SUN ©️ 2002 kerri sherwood — PLEASE NOTE: This song is not “jazz” nor is any part of its copyright or publishing rights owned by Rumblefish.

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drive away. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

there are people who are immersed in negativity. they eat it, drink it, breathe it, live it. i have learned – that it matters not what truth is if they can convolute it into their own narrative, if they can spin it as negative, if they can lift themselves up by pushing someone else under water – or, in some cases – under the bus.

life

is too short for that.

is too much a gift for that.

is too interdependent for that.

is too precious for that.

has more potential than that.

and we can all choose differently.

we drove away from negativity. walked down the hill, got into littlebabyscion, drove out of the parking lot, made a right and a left and a right and drove on. away.

and behind us – far behind us – we left the scourge of scowling faces, of spinning stories, of agenda-riddling, of adversarial contention.

and we drove further, further.

away.

i opened the window of littlebabyscion.

the cold air rushed in and swirled around, pulling negativity out.

and i could breathe.

and my sweet momma – through the filament of dimension between us – whispered, “live life, my sweet potato.”

*****

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SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2024 kerrianddavid.com

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the fuzzy-wuzzy. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

i’m on the side of the fuzzy-wuzzy.

there is never a time i will pass by a caterpillar attempting to make its way across a busy trail without stopping to help it, to aid it across the pathway, to shield it from harm, to literally pick it up and place it on the other side, to protect it.

i have gotten some funny looks doing this.

yet, i will continue to do this. i will continue to protect, to aid, to shield, to carry tiny critters that are in harm’s way, beings that are subjected to elements against which they are not equipped, creatures that are in the way of someone else’s forward movement – by foot, bike tires, four-wheelers, agenda.

because – if one has ever been the caterpillar on the trail, threatened – even debilitated – by someone else’s negligence, someone else’s inaction, someone else’s inconceivable agenda or apathy, someone else’s aggression – then one knows the importance of others, of their care and concern, of their help, of their doing-something, of their protection.

and because we never know when we might be the fuzzy-wuzzy.

*****

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the daffodil told us. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

and suddenly, there – in the midst of dried fallen leaves and fallowed underbrush, trees not yet ready to bud – there – there it was.

and it was simply in seeing it – the daffodil – that hope was evident. next is evident. tomorrow is evident.

anything right now will soon be before. the daffodil told us.

*****

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the way out of chaos. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

“let there be an opening into the quiet that lies beneath the chaos, where you find the peace you did not think possible and see what shimmers within the storm.” (john o’donohue)

i spent a little over a week in ireland. it was lush and magical and filled with a simple richness hard to articulate. we walked along stone walls separating us and sheep. we perched on high cliffs overlooking the atlantic. we cozied in pubs with pick-up music and dark beer. verdant, there was beauty in its countryside and in its people, in its music and its air. clover – just off the side of the trail – in the shade and still polka-dotted with earlier dew – makes me think of this cherished time of years ago.

we’ll have corned beef and cabbage, white potatoes and carrots with 20. and guinness. we’ll sit together around our tiny kitchen table. he’ll tell of his vacation and we’ll tell him of all the stuff he missed back here. and in the sharing, the sipping, the eating, any storms of this time will part – clouds shuffling back, thunder and lightning easing up. and laughter will gurgle up through the cracks, perspective regaining ground. the chaos will stay where it belongs – in the dregs, the dark caves – and quiet peace – in soft voice and raucous laughter – will rise.

and we’ll know that dewy clover and the kitchen table, the shimmering riches of a good meal and good company, untarnished beauty of shared time and simple nature will always lead the way out of chaos.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

IN PRAYER mixed media 67″x64″

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a place for us. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

of course it is all in the eye of the beholder, as they say. trouble, that is.

and – it is a straight line from this wine label to civil rights leader john lewis. “speak up, speak out, get in the way. get in good trouble, necessary trouble” (“and help redeem the soul of america.)”

troublemaker is inspired by those early days of pushing boundaries and finding your path. still stirring things up, we here at troublemaker are all about challenging the status quo and embracing the journey of life.” (hope family wines)

speak up. speak out. get in the way. push boundaries. stir things up. challenge the status quo. i’m pretty sure all of those are definitions of ‘artist’. sans “troublemakers” making good and necessary trouble, agenda, inequity, discrimination, duplicity, harassment, violation, and abuse would quash truth, transparency, goodness, loyalty, dedication, work done well.

my big brother used to strum his guitar and sing “somewhere” (“there’s a place for us”). a song from west side story about simmering tolerance, inclusion, the embrace of each other, the elimination of senseless hatred, bullying, and pointed injustice.

yes. there is a place for us. troublemakers. pushing back toxic. stoking up that which is life-giving.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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that kind of week. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

the thing about being awake before the birds in this most-amazing-spring-like-february-roll-into-march is that you hear the birds start to sing. from the very beginning, the very first bird, that first tweet.

most of the time i do not sleep well. it appears that i am falling into the statistics of masses of middle-aged women – all of whom have insomnia, all of whom exhaustedly lay awake at night, all of whom ruminate and perseverate the night away, and maybe some of whom – like me – revel in the sound of first birds.

and this week? well, after a wonderful last weekend, the universe musta felt like we needed a little pounding. i know you know what i mean. sometimes weeks are like that. and sometimes…well, even the best cup of coffee in the world won’t get you out of bed.

and that’s ok.

*****

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my cello. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

i sold my cello this week.

i would be lying if i told you i didn’t cry at the string shop.

i did cry. i’m crying now.

i am a professional pianist. a composer. proudly a yamaha artist with an intensely beautiful C5 in my studio and fifteen albums plus of vulnerability out in the world. i play the guitar and the ukulele. i dabbled on the trumpet in college for five minutes or so. but, oh…the cello.

the moment i touched my cello i had a bond with it. and, holding the idea close of learning to play mournfully heart-draining melody lines, i purchased it. because artists dream, i played.

but reality is reality.

and now – with 45° of wrist forward range of motion – my cello needed a new home. it’s just a fact.

i held onto it long after i knew this. it’s hard to let go a dream. and i’ve never before sold a beloved instrument.

yet, cellos – like all instruments – need to be loved on: played, listened to, tweaked, played more. a paesold, german-made, warm and resonant in tone, it begged to come out of the corner of my studio. though i tried to ignore it, it is like ignoring the stare of an australian shepherd who clearly wants you to do something (and we have experience with this). so my cello kept staring at me and staring at me. even without entering my studio – for i have not spent much time in there in these most recent years – i could feel the stare of the cello through the wall.

until finally.

i know this cello is valuable. yet, the string shop i sold it to – for much less than its value – was full of string music and luthiers working, a performance space and a full marching line of cellos on the wall. it will not be lonely as it waits to be re-homed.

the shopowner knew how hard it was for me to sell this cello, to leave it behind, to leave at all.

i touched its maple and spruce, exquisitely varnished. i spoke to my cello. and i blew it a kiss as we left, entirely and utterly choked-up.

and i wondered how my cello-dream might morph into something else.

because it’s still raw.

*****

LAST I SAW YOU from THIS PART OF THE JOURNEY ©️ 1997, 2000 kerri sherwood

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