motherhood | reverse threading

June 28, 2019
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connected. [k.s. friday]

“wherever you are, that’s where i will be…” the framed needlepoint hangs next to my dresser. every day i see this message, a message of unrelenting connectedness.

life has a way of taking us near and far, to and from the people we love. children grow and fly free. siblings scatter around the world in pursuit of their dreams. parents age and leave this plane of existence. friends are close; friends move far away. i can speak for those of us who are particularly extra-ordinarily thready – these are tough challenges.

on the album RELEASED FROM THE HEART, this piece CONNECTED follows the piece i composed called MISSING. it was a self-reminder when i placed the track order that way. the connection between us eclipses the missing. our connections guarantee that they will surpass missing and wrap around us like soft blankets right out of the dryer. we have to just stand still and feel them.

we had the blissful opportunity of being together with both My Girl and My Boy under the same roof at the same time for a period of days. my annoying-mother-ness took lots of pictures and memorized moments, from hilariously funny to touchingly heart-full to painfully real. the first moments i saw each of them deplane at the tiny island airport will be indelibly sketched in my mind. pure joy.

we are connected. despite our proximity, despite distance from one visit to the next, despite time between, we are connected. i will – comfortingly, reassuringly, lovingly, supportively, annoyingly, and yes, unrelentingly – always be there for them. always.

that is what connection is.

download RELEASED FROM THE HEART on iTUNES or CDBaby

read DAVID’S thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

CONNECTED from RELEASED FROM THE HEART ©️ 1995 kerri sherwood

June 17, 2019
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so much life lived. [merely-a-thought monday]

we were talking on the phone. it had been quite some time and there was so much to catch up on it was difficult to know where to start. we started with this week. “so much life lived this week,” heidi said. yes. so much.

in the last week or so we have traveled both east and west. from the ocean to the mountains. from children to parents. from littlebabyscion to big red. we traveled from together to missing. from gathering things for a new home base to removing things forever from a home. from being known to the dementia-induced-agony of being not-known. from a new plan to yet another new plan. from certainty to uncertainty. from before to after.

we have driven over 3000 miles and flown 1000 miles. we had the absolute joy of being with our children. we had the absolute joy of being with david’s parents. we’ve been with beloved family, with our dearest friends, with complete strangers on airplanes, in rest areas, in hotels, in shops. we laughed, we talked, we questioned, we argued, we cried, we cringed at how life changes, we celebrated life’s changes.

days swirled around us as we turned the pages of our calendar and we kept going. taking snapshots, memorizing moments, sealing memories for eternity (as mike wrote). for this was only one week or so. and yes, there was so much life lived.

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

June 13, 2019
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HH. perfect. [d.r. thursday]

david’s sketches on hilton head

i researched. for months. looked at tons of sites and reviews. i ordered brochures from the chamber of commerce (which, incidentally and almost predictably, arrived after we returned from the trip.) i poured over other people’s adventures and stories, made lists of things to do and places to go. it was a really important time for me and i wanted it to be perfect: my-children-under-the-same-roof-at-the-same-time. the perfect mom-gift.

always up for a roadtrip adventure, we drove to hilton head in our littlebabyscion. first thing upon arrival, we opened the shades in the living room. the dunes and the ocean exploded into view, the sunset beckoned us. without unloading, we took two juice glasses of wine and a blanket down to the water’s edge and watched the sky relinquish day. night arrived and it was perfect.

My Girl flew in the next morning and My Boy the very next day. the sun was bright, the sky was blue, the sand hot, the ocean was a constant lure. walks and conversation, games and homemade sangria, bold coffee and generous glasses of wine, watching crabs on the sandbar and googling jellyfish, chips and guac and kirsten-margaritas, eating out on the deck under the umbrella and time in the pool, watching kirsten or craig prepare a meal or two, relaxing on lounge chairs and a one-time bowling adventure. this was the stuff. it was hot; over 100 degrees with the heat index; a bit too hot for kayaking or standupboarding under a sunburning sun. but time seemed to morph and days passed us by in the way time on the beach does.

later i wondered why i didn’t take out my lists, my research, my reviews, the brochures i got from the grocery store. why i didn’t insist on an adventure-a-day, an activity. but jen encouraged me to let that go. she said she does that every time she is lucky enough to have her children all-under-the-same-roof-at-the-same-time as well. a mother’s brain (and heart) on overdrive.

it isn’t the activities or the adventures. it’s simply the time. when you are there and you are real and you share bits and snatches of life, joyful or trying. when you catch your breath gazing at your children, beautiful human beings experiencing the wide spectrum that life offers. and you love them beyond words, grateful that they have given you this time. together. under-the-same-roof-at-the-same-time. HH. hilton head. perfect.

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

May 16, 2019
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gently in my hands. [d.r. thursday]

today, as i write this for tomorrow’s post, is My Girl’s 29th birthday. 29!! where does the time go? i pretty clearly remember making her birthday cakes through the years: little mermaid, elmo and big bird, barney, pocahontas, daisies and peace signs and smile faces, ballet slippers and exclamation points. i loved making homemade birthday cakes for My Boy also: semi-tractor-trailers, sneaker-cake, a vw bug, soccerball and soccer field cakes, basketballs, tow trucks, helicopters, tennis rackets, thomas the tank engine. these cakes did not look anything like the beautiful and painstakingly detailed cakes my dear friend susan makes, but, with food dye staining my hands and frosting all over my clothing and stuck even in my hair, it was a source of great delight for me to design and make their cakes.

i’m wishing that i could make a (gluten free) cake for her today, celebrate her. instead she will spend her day in the high mountains. she will be surrounded by great beauty. snow caps the mountains and spring taunts her little town. she’ll breathe in the freshest air, walk briskly with no effort or even a nod to the altitude, laugh with friends, work with vigor. and she’ll be one-day-older-making-her-one-year-older on this good earth.

and i lift my face to the heavens and the universe and ask, for this miracle in my life called a daughter, for experiences of exploration and surprise, for learning and the confidence of knowing, for love given and love received, for reliance on a benevolent universe. holding her gently in my hands, i ask for all good things for her.

and i hope she had a really delicious piece of gluten free birthday cake.

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

click here to view FACE THE RAIN painting online

FACE THE RAIN ©️ 2019 david robinson

May 10, 2019
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this heart outside of mine. [k.s. friday]

“…it overwhelms me what i feel…this heart outside of mine….is walking in another person, in another life…” (lyrics)

there is something mysterious and knock-you-to-your-knees-powerful about feeling like you have a heart walking in another person. i know – now – how my sweet momma felt. each time she asked me to let her know i arrived safely while driving cross-country, each time i shared good news, each time she checked in on me after any sort of gritty life-drama, each time she sent cards with messages of encouragement or congratulations, each time i saw her try not to weep upon my leaving. i get it. she could feel her heart – out there – moving around in the world, just outside her sight view.

motherhood is not for wimps. it is, by far, the most gratifyingly-toughest-most-important job i will ever know. i have had to grow two extra hearts and then let them go, wandering and exploring this good earth, finding themselves and their happiness. i can feel it, these hearts – out there. but, with the exception of the time i can actually put my arms around My Girl or My Boy, it’s all just outside my sight view. overwhelming. yes.

and, although i have told it before, here is the story – again:

we walked The Girl to kindergarten. it was spring and sunny and warm. dandelions were everywhere. on the way home, The Boy dropped my hand to toddler-zigzag around a yard where dandelions > grass by far (kind of like ours.) he bent down and picked yellow flower upon yellow flower. until he came running back to me. he held up his sweaty-dirty-little-boy fist, full of bright yellow and green dandelions and said, “woses for momma.”

better than roses. what more could a momma want?

that is the moment this song was born.

happy mother’s day.

purchase the CD or download on iTunes or CDBaby

read DAVID’S thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

my hearts

FISTFUL OF DANDELIONS from THE BEST SO FAR ©️ 1999 kerri sherwood

April 18, 2019
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fiercely tender. [d.r. thursday]

MOTHERDAUGHTER morsel

there are moments you remember as a mother. more than you can possibly count. but there are some that stand out. you can feel it forever. any reminder of it makes you draw in your breath and pause. THIS morsel, THIS painting does that for me. THIS is how i feel.

the moment you are safety in a storm, respite in chaos, time-out in exhaustion. the moment of sheer relief, absolute validation, exquisite shared joy or devastating shared aching grief. the moment of connected silence, words with no air. an embrace that is forever.

all. fiercely tender.

to view MOTHERDAUGHTER please click on the painting above or on this link

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

MOTHERDAUGHTER ©️ 2019 david robinson

April 12, 2019
by kerrisherwood11 1 Comment

the two of you. [k.s. friday]

the two of you: two reasons why i breathe ~ my children (cd liner notes)

this will never change. most of the things i gather around me are things that make me think of them, feel them near. it’s as simple as framed photographs or collages or a peace keychain or lanyards that say ‘colorado’ and ‘boston’. it’s a screenshot of a text message i want to remember. it’s a note jotted on my calendar about something My Girl or My Boy said to me or a date that is important to them i want to remember. it’s notes they wrote as children held by magnets to the refrigerator or in small frames bedside. it’s laughter saved in a video. it’s moments of tears driving away from their homes. it’s a rock saved on a hike in the high desert canyonlands with The Girl; it’s The Boy’s childhood favorite ny taxi pencil on my piano. nothing is huge. everything is huge.

most of my also-mom-friends will agree that, outside of spending time together, the one thing certain to lift them up on any given day is a reaching-out-to-them by a grown-up child. it’s the moment ANYthing else stops. it’s the silently-agreed-upon, strictly-held-to and always-welcome interruption in the middle of visiting others, working, hiking, cooking, sleeping. both The Girl and The Boy knew – and know – that they can call or text at any time of day or night and i will be there; i will answer. ‘always there’ is a fierce inner motherhood promise designed to both ground and frustrate children, whatever their ages. it’s a guiding principle, a mom-creed. it’s absolute. it’s truth.

from the moment they were born everything changed. and, from that moment on, one thing didn’t. the two of you ~ two reasons why i breathe ~ my children. ❤️

download AS IT IS on iTUNES or CDBaby

read DAVID’S thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

March 15, 2019
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missing. [k.s. friday]

it comes in waves. in less than two weeks i will be 60. i’m not a consumed-with-my-age-person, but this particular birthday is proving me different. without any prompts, i find myself sorting through my life, the six decades that lead me to right now. memories flow in and ebb out like the tide on a surfboard of emotions. trying not to resist, i ride the wave as it brings me growing up times on long island…my nuclear family all together, all alive, gathered in our dining room on abby drive or up in the catskills in a rustic state park cabin….bike hikes and carvel….simple times of arguing for john denver over bob dylan….time walking or sitting or playing frisbee on crab meadow beach…late sunday morning mc-arnson sandwiches or waffles and ice cream around my sweet momma and poppo’s table in florida…the time of building the first home i ever bought, a big choice for us as a young couple…the sheep farm in new hampshire….moving to wisconsin away from family and the challenges that raised…celebrating the amazing birth of our daughter and son and watching them grow into the people they are….recording my first album and what that meant….letting go of the day-to-day mothering as my children became adults and still being an every-single-day mother….balancing the impact of good decisions and bad decisions….times of intense grief….choosing love….starting over….wondering what is coming next….

the inner monologue chronicles through all of these years…i sit in quiet watching the slideshow in my mind’s eye and ponder. what was most important, what is most important, what will be most important. what it all means. and it’s clear most of the time. the people who have surrounded me, who have loved me, who i have loved. the people i am missing – and will always miss – as well as the people who are right here. the times i am missing – as well as the times -moments- i could miss right now were i to be too engrossed in something else.

on the album RELEASED FROM THE HEART, the track that i selected to follow MISSING is called CONNECTED. because it all stays a part of the vast ocean that is each of our lives. the missing and the now and the wondering, all part of the whole. all waves to ride.

purchase the CD or download on iTunes or CDBaby

read DAVID’S thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

March 4, 2019
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guidance is eternal. [merely-a-thought monday]

it drives them nuts, i’m sure, but i still write or say “triple always” to my children. a redundancy of course, the “triple” emphasizes the “always”… an unnecessary modifier that says “eternally”…. i love you eternally.

there is a boeing commercial we see often. in it, the narrator is stating steps of preparation for flight, counting down. then she says, “guidance is eternal.” that’s what i have heard every time. until one time i asked d why he thought she said that. he responded that she was actually stating, “guidance is internal,” which clearly makes more sense in the aviation world.

i had to listen more closely the next time to hear “eternal” as “internal”. i did discern the difference, but i still, each time it airs, hear “guidance is eternal” anyway, and maybe that’s a good thing. it serves as a reminder from an unlikely source, a sort of subliminal message, perhaps, at a time i need it. an absolute when looking to the universe for answers to unsolved questions, small eddies of confusion, sorting and attempts at balance, at level positivity, seeking wisdom from those who are beloved but on another plane.

the guidance is there. waiting. it is internal AND it is eternal. triple always.

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

February 22, 2019
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you hold me. [k.s. friday]

‘you-hold-me’s i will always remember… among the more-than-i-can-count-mom-heart-moments, one of the last times My Boy fell asleep on my lap and i knew – at the age he was then, rounding 5 or 6 – it was something to hold onto. or the time he, all-grown-up, bent down and, one more time, hugged me goodbye. precious time dancing to marvin gaye with My Girl in the sitting room, her favorite infant-lullaby. the bittersweet-tender-time-stood-still time she – as an adult – fell asleep while i held her. in o’hare airport when d just held me while, with people swirling around us, we were lost in reuniting, in recognition. the greetings we get from dogdog and babycat every single time we arrive home. the hugs we get inside the door to our best friends’ house, their big beloved dogs jostling for attention. the memory of watching my sweet momma and poppo hold hands as they walked, always…those linked hands grasping each other. watching my momma hold my dad’s hand at the side of his last hospital bed, nodding off, both of them, but holding on. ‘you-hold-me’s aren’t always just about you.

in these times, in any time, the simple feeling of being held – a quick hug or embrace that goes on and on – is the one true thing. it doesn’t solve any problem, take away a worry, change any circumstance. but it is a reminder that you are not alone. you are woven of and into so much more. and you are held – by your family, by your children, by your friends, by this good earth, by a higher power. in appreciation of you. in a bigger thing called love.

purchase the physical CD or download on iTUNES or CDBaby

read DAVID’S thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Tag Archives: motherhood

connected. [k.s. friday]

so much life lived. [merely-a-thought monday]

HH. perfect. [d.r. thursday]

gently in my hands. [d.r. thursday]

this heart outside of mine. [k.s. friday]

fiercely tender. [d.r. thursday]

the two of you. [k.s. friday]

missing. [k.s. friday]

guidance is eternal. [merely-a-thought monday]

you hold me. [k.s. friday]

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