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Tag Archives: not-so-flawed wednesday


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giddyup! [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

thousands upon thousands upon thousands of hearts gathered at PRIDE on milwaukee’s summerfest grounds over the weekend. it was a spectacular festival.

our son performed as a headlining EDM artist on the newly-renovated dance pavilion stage – the city skyline peeking out from the giant dome under which over five thousand people sardined to listen, their hearts invested in this event that freed them to be who they are.

we had backstage passes and that gave us access to be up-front and close to the action. not too far from our son on stage, not too far from dancing furries and acrobats and machines that spewed out fog and confetti, not too far from the fireworks display in the sky. it gave us a place for our hearts to watch our son in his bliss. it gave us a place from which to watch the crowd. they were energized and bouncing up and down and waving styrofoam rainbow light wands. they were alive and free to be.

we went to a street festival the next day. our son performed again. though this time he was on a smaller stage that was a bit rickety, he was no less committed to providing music that was celebratory and drove the beat home. we irresistibly moved to the music and danced in the street and laughed at antics of revelers all around us – till tears came from our eyes.

the two guys walking by looked over at us as we danced. “youngsters!!” one said, “i love it!! giddyup!!” we thanked him and giddied up, laughing, still convinced we were among the oldest people at the event. did i mention spectacular?

every heart at that PRIDE festival this weekend deserves the same thing. the opportunity to be who they are, to love, to express that love, to respect and be respected. everyone hugged everyone. there was no quota. there were no parameters. there was no resistance. there was love of living. there was joy.

giddyup!

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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as long as. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

we will be there as long as the sun is at our backs. and then we won’t.

and the we-there – on that bridge – will first get longer and longer and we will appear taller and taller – more long-legged and spindly – and then we will flatten and distort and eventually disappear into the lack of distinction of color and shadow and water.

it will be over the course of a short time – not a long time. and if we stand there, we can watch the whole process, intrigued by the morphing of presence to absence.

i suppose – in an over-simplified way – life is like that. here as long as the sun is at our backs.

which means we have some stuff to do.

as daylight wanes – for it is none too obvious now that we are more waning than waxing – we each peel back layers of comparison, false imperatives, losses – and we expose the vulnerable – and exquisite – more-of-who-we-are. we pay attention to the tenderest of touches – literal and figurative, to the tiniest of blessings, to the most evanescent moments. we look back – with more forgiveness than we could ever muster before. we look ahead – with more optimism than we allowed before.

we begin to sort and see more clearly – even in our shadows in the water.

the sun is at our back. and we have some stuff to do.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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that particular day. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

it was somewhat inconspicuous. the heartrock just tucked in with the rest of them, quiet, unassuming. it knew it would be seen; it knew it would be recognized. it was not unexpected – particularly that very day.

because earlier in the day – that very day – just a tad bit earlier – right before lunch – in late morning – inconspicuously and quietly – my beloved girl married her best friend. and, as unassuming as they wished this all to be, nevertheless, there were six parents in the world who felt the shift of the earth, whose heartstrings were tugged, who held her and held him – both – closely – in these intentionally-unassuming but admittedly-profound moments. sans tulle and without a nod to anything traditional, our families connected the dots and joined together. and a new chapter started.

i would have been surprised not to stumble across the rock that day. i worked kind of hard at not leading toooo much from my heart, tried to be casual, mellowishly nonchalant even. but i’m sure i lost some laidback points that day. i was celebrating my beautiful and fiercely bold daughter, who was choosing this dearest guy with whom to spend life. it’s a big deal for a momma…if not from an event-ish place, definitely from a heart-place.

and that particular day, the heartrock was waiting for me. it was just a couple hours past the moment. we took a walk – a most exquisite stroll – slowly through the sanctuary and it nodded at me as i started to pass by, making sure i noticed, grounding me. i let out a deep breath, a few happy tears. it was a stunning day in aspen.

because that particular day was different. not the mountains, not the blue sky and brilliant sun, not the smell of pine and the early quaking aspen leaves, not the roaring fork river gurgling.

the axis had shifted a little and things were changed.

and six moms and dads were there to hold space as part of our hearts married.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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like a dream. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

it had been a long while.

i hadn’t been on an airplane for well over a year. i used to fly all the time, but all-the-time has changed and it’s relatively rare these days to find myself zooming through the clouds. that rarity has given me a different perspective and a different appreciation of the whole flying-thing.

we flew to the mountains. the flight-sky was mostly clear – brilliant blue with huge puffy clouds below us. we had the row to ourselves; the flight was not full. we were anticipatory of what was to come once we got there. we were excited to be heading west. i was filled with ready-tears that always overcome me at the sight of the first range i see. in the wee hours of the morning – wisconsin. in the still-early-hours of the morning – colorado. it is still amazing to me.

the way home was equally as stunning. the flight was full. it was evening in colorado. we got back to wisconsin late and drove home – this time, the interstate – going 75 mph to our driveway, having spent an odd time on the airplane – witnessing people who were somewhat rude to others, people hacking, people smushed in with other people. nevertheless, all of a sudden, we were no longer in the mountains and we were in milwaukee – and it is still amazing.

as dedicated roadtrippers, it is almost an out-of-body thing to fly somewhere. there is no time to really process – no time to really look at – study – what we are passing through, no time to properly feel moving from one place to another. but it’s easy and quick and absorbs all the road miles for littlebabyscion with its 274,000 mile odometer.

in a day or so, we will be able to take a little time and sort through it all…everything that happened while we were in those high mountains, everything we felt and saw and celebrated.

we’ll sit back in our adirondack chairs watching the hummingbirds and the chippies, watching the peonies grow and the grasses sway in the breeze, watching breck’s leaves quake and dogga run in circles – lingering – and we’ll be thankful for this trip that feels a little like a dream now.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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to be here. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

there are days like this. when you can barely see the lake. were you not standing on its shore, watching its waves pummel the rocks below, you would not know. you would look out at the horizon and you would see nothing. the fog encases it all. even the line of sky and water. the fog here rolls in as the wind shifts and, for the closest mile in, all is awash in it.

i like to go to the lakefront on those days. it is beautiful. everything is in soft focus. and it seems somehow fitting to gaze out and not be able to discern much at all. there are days when it is important to be in the fog – to be wrapped in it – in order to remember to live the day – really, really live it.

we think ourselves able to plan, plan, plan. we believe our lists are important, get wrapped up in prioritizing what’s on them.

and the fog reminds us: things are not as clear as all that. they fall away into the mist as we stand, squinting our eyes to see. and then, the breath we see in front of our faces, the waves crashing near us as we stand on the boulders – they drop us into now.

i believe it would serve me well to remember the fog on clear days. to remember to hold it all lightly, in soft focus, to be where i am, to make the most of all of it, to not underestimate my fragility here. life is unfolding – both with and without my insistence on how, both with and without any clarity i might have, both with and without me.

until the sun burns through the fog to find the horizon, i am – once again – sitting in the interim of the fog, amazed at what i cannot see. not-knowing taps me on the shoulder. and reassures me that i have right-now.

and i am grateful to be here.

*****

happy birthday, my beloved daughter. 💗

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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don’t underestimate it. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

there was no mosh pit. but you could not underestimate the thrill in the audience.

freddie mercury was not there. but you could not underestimate the support of the audience.

it was not the 70s or even the 80s. but you could not underestimate the throwback zeal amping up the audience.

we were gifted tickets to a queen tribute band concert. one vision of queen with marc martel was a blast. we were surrounded by – and i truly mean surrounded by – about 2400 people in our own age bracket. now, there may have been a few here and there, scattered throughout the theatre, who were younger (or maybe older), but – for the most part – this was a 60s-something event.

and everyone sang along. now, being a dedicated john denver/carole king/james taylor/england dan & john ford coley/loggins & messina/dan fogelberg et al fan, i have to say i did not know all the lyrics to all the songs. but there are some that are just indelible – they will forever stay in your mind, ready to be excavated at any moment – more easily than last week’s memories.

there were grousers, of course. the woman behind us kept grumbling because the guy in front of us stood up to dance along. but his joy was palpable and everyone was on their feet at some point. plus, he was a great dancer.

marc martel was phenomenal – you cannot deny his talent for lifting up the songs of queen. mostly, you cannot deny that he was having a great time. it does a heart good seeing someone having that much fun.

and my favorite moment – the encore during which – of course – they played we are the champions. everyone stood, everyone danced, everyone sang along.

and then – the words that lingered over all of us and snuck into the balcony and box seats and twirled around in fog machine fog and reverberating glee – “for we are the champions – of the world“.

it’s not a bad thing – this tribute thing.

it occurs to me that, although clearly a tribute to the original band, it is also a tribute to our earlier years, life a few decades ago. the visceral memories of time gone by brought back to the moment.

and you sure can’t underestimate that.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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a little shake-off. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

it happened again.

just now.

the warm morning breeze was blowing in the west window. the sun was streaming across the quilt. dogga was laying at our feet and we were sipping coffee. we could hear the slight echo of the windchimes out back and the birds were singing up a symphony.

perfection.

in-between all the other moments – the ones that are not so perfect – somehow there slips one that is.

and the axis of the earth gives a little shake-off and the flecks of yucky-dust that have accumulated from those other moments fly off.

and there is a new start.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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our wagawag. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

and soon, he’ll be eleven.

his shadow on the wall has kept us company – each morning – with the east sun streaming in through the window – reflecting his perch on our bed, the furry top of his head tousled by many good-morning pets.

time has flown by and his muzzle is grey. he is slower at evening’s end, retiring earlier and earlier – maybe a little bit like us. he groans a bit, getting his body moving. but his amber eyes…they are the same. they belie the time that has escaped our noticing. the aussie puppy is still in there.

while d is setting up coffee for the next morning and i am turning down covers and getting ready for sleep, dogga is laying on the bed. there’s a routine. in these quiet moments i sit next to him and we talk. he loves belly-bellies so it is without question that is part of the conversation. there are times – as he looks up – that i am struck by his very being, this dog who trusts us for everything. what a responsibility we all have with these furry family members. what a privilege i feel…the experience of dogs and a cat who love me or have loved me like i love them.

but i am floored by the time. and i realize that in the way i have less time ahead of me than behind me, so does our sweetboy. we – the people in this equation – both tear up anytime we even allude to this, even in the vaguest of ways. but dogdog doesn’t. he just holds a steady gaze, wags his tail, spins and gives kisses, sneezes when we ask and opens his mouth in a silent “love you” when we say “i love you” to him. his amber eyes reflect back his life with us.

and so – now – he goes on more errands with us. he gets even more pets. he has chicken breast with rice and peas and carrots for dinner. we keep him close.

because like really anyone – two-legged or four – we are whirling through space faster than ever – and there is never enough time to be together, to share life, to love each other.

our old wagawag reminds me of this every single day.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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the towel. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

the first sentence in the new york times arts section front page article reads, “chris domig was ready to throw in the towel.” but then…

for years he persevered and persevered, through thick and thin, this dear friend of david’s. a consummate actor and dedicated off-off-broadway theatre co-founder and artistic director, he was not hindered by the somewhat invisible but definitely impenetrable wall in new york city’s theatre world. and then…

the front page in the arts section belies the rest of the story. but every artist knows it. the ever-present imperative to create and to succeed, not only from a soul place, but from a place where you just might be able to afford to pay the bills, to have a littlebit extra, to hold the esteem of your colleagues, to be recognized. you hold the towel close, knowing that at any moment it might be the thing you do – you just might throw in the towel.

chris decided to take on mitch albom’s tuesdays with morrie. but it took a long time to land. everything takes longer than you think. a long fermata of longing. every artist knows this. most craftspeople know this. most philosophers know this. poets write of it. composers strew melodies around like patio lights. painters throw paint and prep canvas time and again. dancers pirouette, spinning ever faster. writers wordsmith, deleting and reading and elaborating and deleting. beavers in bogs – singularly focused, ridiculously hard work – and the tree still stands. and then…

the sea dog theatre tells this remarkable story – tuesdays with morrie – through the interwoven magic of len cariou and chris. it is earning high regard and the reviews are outstanding. it has landed.

and the towel is set aside.

*****

LONGING from AS IT IS ©️ 2004 kerri sherwood

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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season-of-the-adirondack-chair. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

and the-season-of-the-adirondack-chair begins.

i cannot tell you how excited we are about this. for, as in most things, the beginning of something is almost always glorious, full of anticipation and expectation. and the-season-of-the-adirondack-chair is no different.

even with thermals and down vests, even with warm and fuzzy boots, there is no distracting us from the advent of this time, there is no disconcert about temperature or our sedimentary layers of clothing. the possibility just seems limitless.

we easily turn our perfectly lightweight chairs to the sun. we look at each other and smile. and deep inside, we hear bob marley singing, “every little thing is gonna be alright”.

we have waltzed on this patio, sipped wine on this patio, eaten delicious dinners on this patio, played ukuleles on this patio, had band rehearsal on this patio, entertained family and friends and scores of people who are or had been a part of our community on this patio, planned our wedding on this patio, watched our dogga on this patio, had hard and hopeful and healing conversations on this patio, planted tiny farms on this patio, laughed till our bellies hurt on this patio, cried till our bellies hurt on this patio, wished on the moon and the stars on this patio, watched the flame of our firepit dance with abandon on this patio, contemplated on this patio, grieved on this patio, napped on this patio and felt finally-awake on this patio.

and now, a new time will start, overlapping all the other times, weaving in and out of all the rest, a foliated-metamorphic-conglomerate-sedimentary rock life.

and the patio greets the adirondack chairs with glee. they all face the sun. and they smile.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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