reverse threading

the path back is the path forward


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curling ribbon. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

wrapped for the holidays, nature put her best curling ribbon on this stalk, replicating it all over the meadow for us to see and appreciate. clearly, giftwrappers and bauble experts everywhere must be jealous of the ease with which nature decorates herself – always minimalistic, always beautiful.

for a smidge of time, i was hired – long, long ago – as a holiday giftwrapper at a beall’s department store in florida. i spent shifts of hours wrapping the unwrappable – really one of the reasons why people have their gifts wrapped at the store. now, there are folks (having gifts wrapped) who just prefer to have everything done-and-done by the time they pull in their driveway, but most of the time it was the unwieldy that was brought to the service desk, the customer wide-eyed with wrapping trepidation. 

i did my best, but i was no wrapping maven and had not yet learned any of the wizardry of the wrap. nevertheless, the customers seemed pleased, if only not to have to do-it-themselves.

in the years when our children were young – for reasons i still cannot figure out – we saved all the wrapping-of-presents (including stocking stuffers) for the night of christmas eve. there we were, in the middle of the dining room – having retrieved bags and boxes hidden all over the house – trying to quietly cut paper and wrap assorted gifts of all sizes and shapes – while our children were upstairs in their beds gazing out the window watching for signs of santa and his reindeer in the night sky. we’d leave christmas music on and close the swinging dining room door and the living room bifold doors into the hall, trying to disguise – or at least muffle – the clear sound of scissors meeting paper, hoping that the fact that it was quickly approaching the wee hours – like 2 or 3am or so – would mean they would have fallen fast asleep, dreaming of the next morning.

in later years – for the most part – i wrapped earlier, not saving it all for the elves-of-the-eve to desperately try and wrap as quietly as possible. though in later years the pressure of the magic was lessened, so quiet wasn’t quite as necessary.

in the latest years, we’ve had to ship presents. the boy and the girl who used to live upstairs live elsewhere and are not always home for christmas. it changes the landscape of the holiday. immensely. facetime never equals real time. and the holiday is quieter. 

to say i miss those days of reports of reindeer and rudolph’s nose lighting the starry sky would be an understatement. to say i miss putting out carrots and milk and cookies would be an understatement. to say i miss twinkling lights reflecting on the faces of my children – as infants, as toddlers, as children, as teenagers, as young adults – would be an understatement. to say i miss the chaos after midnight on christmas eve would be an understatement.

but time marches on. and every year things change. i peruse social media – seeing multiple stockings waiting on the mantels of people far and wide, stacks of presents under trees, gatherings and family parties – and i silently send my children a wish of love and light and joy. we hike on treasured trails and pass by nature’s curling ribbon and i’m reminded over and over of the miles of curling ribbon i’ve curled, the stuffed stockings under our trees over the years, the small mountains of wrapped packages, giftwrap strewn across the floor. 

and i am grateful. this holiday may be minimal in its festivity. but, sitting in the darkened living room with trees and branches and twinkling lights, holiday music or silence, cards to send out and presents to wrap on the dining room table – curling ribbon at the ready – it is no less beautiful. it is just different.

*****

THE LIGHTS from THE LIGHTS – A CHRISTMAS ALBUM ©️ 1996 kerri sherwood

download christmas albums on my little corner of iTUNES – click on image above.🎄

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read DAVID’s thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

a couple SMACK-DABs for the season:


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necessary. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

“but it’s the holidays!” you protest. and yes, it is.

yet – in these days, in this community, this country, this world – there’s more going on than simply jingling bells and twinkling lights, a sleigh of gifts and eight reindeer, manger scenes and menorahs. and even now – in the middle of all of this – even in the middle of festivities – we need to pay attention. 

it’s risky to disagree. it’s risky to push back. it’s risky to declare that which has or those whom have wronged you or others. the membrane is thick and unforgiving, even vindictive. it’s risky to break the code of silence.

but it’s necessary.

to speak the crime/the wrong/the slight – the action or inaction – is not a crime, though those within the bonds of the code would want you to believe that. it is either impossible for them to see the forest for the trees or it has come to the time that no longer matters to them. to step out, to speak out, to speak against, to speak for – all are looked upon as deviant when silence is broken. righteous pontificators rail against the sole “deviant” – the one who stops the actual deviance, the one who holds the actual deviants accountable. they gather troops around themselves, searching for – or convincing – others of their sanctimonious correctness. they are invigorated by the quest to maintain the code – no longer merely complicit – instead, enabling – involving themselves in the dirty deeds of the codemakers.  their silence is active, perpetuating the wrong. and the circle exacerbates itself – concentrically outward – into an organization, a community, a government, a country, a world. and it is ugly.

for those out there who are questioning and breaking the code of silence, for those who are pushing back against injustice or inequity, for those who are pulling back the curtain exposing, revealing wrongs – whether small or overwhelming, for those who are not fostering complicity or harboring or sustaining wrongfulness, for those who have reached the place of “enough!”, for those holding fast to the values of goodness, for those who are actively pursuing democratic freedoms of choice for all peoples – i hope this season of light would grant unto you courage and fortitude, empowerment in vulnerability, the ability to stand tall and proud, others to stand with you, trust in the process of bushwhacking your way to revealing truth, accountability in the end, recovery and peace. i hope this season of light reminds you of your value. i hope this season will touch you beyond your wildest imagination and that jingling bells and twinkling lights – and all the other trappings of this season – will dull in comparison to the light you have brought in your deviance – breaking the code of silence and bringing forth truth and justice. you are necessary.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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flannel. the cat’s meow. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

yes, yes. we are the height of fashion, the apex of vogue, the pinnacle of couture, trend-setters and latest-style-forward leaders. uh-huh.

in this new world – where i’m applying for medicare (what?!!!) – we are quite possibly – maybe probably – an eensy-weensy bit definitely – lagging behind. we are jeans-wearing, boots-flaunting, blackshirt-donning … and not so much … ok, not at all … runway-following. 

were we sooo consumed with the intimate-wear choices of the riche, we would only consider silk or satin, rayon or charmeuse in nightwear lingerie. but, ohmygosh, give me a break! 

we are over that.

truthfully – if people were truthful – most are over that.

and so, we are here to reassure you. 

at least about pjs.

now that it is cold out it is completely apropos to pull out the flannel. because flannel – a style unto itself – is cozy and warm, snuggly and forgiving. a classic. it is love in a fabric.

and the buffalo plaid?? THE most popular.

yes. yes. we will rest easier now. we are most definitely the cat’s meow.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2023 kerri sherwood

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feeling the rain. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

“all i can do is be me. whoever that is.”” (bob dylan)

it’s an imperative. composing, songwriting, producing, performing – they aren’t really choices. they are inherent – something inside that begs you to feel it. it is an ancient call for an answer that tugs and prods and taunts until you comply, baring your soul. it makes you vulnerable and demands courage and fortitude, sacrifice and a stalwart sense of purpose. it is not a straight path. It is fluid. it is failure and a phenom. it is devastation and ecstasy. it is necessary.

standing backstage – our son and the board clearly in view – i am whisked away to the place parents are taken when they see their children doing something they wildly love to do. 

i have stood on a giant mountain – one of the highest skiable terrains in the united states – and felt this feeling as our daughter flew past on a snowboard, everything in her aligned in the freedom of expression that single piece of wood opened in her. 

and now i have stood on a wood floor in a crowded nightclub – way past my bedtime – and felt the exhilaration of my son’s music – truly moving him, bringing forth who he is from a place deep in his heart. 

and in both circumstances, i have been in awe. and in both circumstances, i have celebrated. 

because though they have both been scrappy and deliberate, non-traditional, intentionally creating the ability to have the room to express – with any combination of full-time work, layered jobs, skimping and saving, lack of resources – in an ever-changing river, they have led with who they are. what is important to them – deep down – is their truth. their heartbeat. figuring it out as they go. 

our son is an EDM artist – electronic dance music. his music is powerful and pulsing, driving you to dance. it is layered and complex and technical and, as a composer – even understanding a slice of the process – i stand back in wonder. we are both creating music and, even in its difference, it has the same goal. 

“some people feel the rain. others just get wet.” (bob dylan)

he is feeling the rain. and his music invites everyone else to feel it as well. that’s the imperative. it’s what has compelled me to compose. it’s what compels me to write. it’s what compels david to paint. it’s what compels the potter to sculpt, the dancer to dance, the climber to climb, the actor to act, the skier to ski, the athlete to push, the chef to craft, the aerobatic pilot to soar on bluesky days, the creator to create. it takes some guts. but it’s necessary. for the world.

“dear artists. don’t hold back. that’s it…” (okuntakinte)

*****

FIGURE IT OUT from RIGHT NOW ©️ 2010 kerri sherwood

read DAVID’s thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

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clarity. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

there is no way to maneuver the depth of field on my old iphone. it is all about coming in closer and backing up – eyeing what is framed in the aperture and moving to adjust what i want the photograph to look like. i know that the newer iphones have some access to depth of field options but – at the moment – i don’t have access to a newer iphone option. so. i adjust.

i almost rejected this photograph as a melange post. with the closest red dogwood branch a bit out-of-focus it didn’t really meet my parameters for a post. and then i stopped to reconsider it. it’s a great visual reminder of how distorted things can look from up close.

clarity is something that comes when you put a little space between you and the issue or object of your attention. 20 always says, “you’re too close!” and it’s impossible to not hear his voice in my head now in the throes of any decision. and so i try to remember to back up a little, to have some distance as i consider – an overview. 

when d was working for a new software startup (before the business was unfortunately closed) their product was the perfect tool for clarity. after i understood even the most basic functions of this remarkable software – as they were looking for names – i kept blurting out suggestions like “pinnacle” or “eagle eye” or “lookout” or “apex”. it seemed obvious to me that having this incredible overview – a step back – was the perfect new software for people struggling to make sense of too much up close and personal…a pragmatic way to sort and prioritize…a realistic way to have perspective. it’s beyond my wildest imagination that they did not continue on their merry way into software stardom. but alas, such is life, eh?

anyway, that lookout tower approach has its wisdom. it’s like pulling into the overlook in the appalachia region on route 25e in tennessee. up until that moment – in the middle of them – you were aware that there were mountains but you were seeing them from too close to really appreciate the grandeur. you drive into the overlook, step out of your vehicle, walk to the retaining wall and you are stunned by the magnificence of how the whole world drops off beyond your feet, stretching on and on and on. and you can see – there are mountains and lakes and a river – things you could not discern from up close. 

in the middle of the middle stepping back is one of the ridiculously hardest things to do. it feels counter-productive when you are trying to come to some sort of conclusion or have some kind of perspective about a specific thing. but up close and personal, the red dogwood is blurry and i can’t appreciate its stunning beauty. from a little distance away, i can see how it plays against the warm beige of the grasses and cattails, how it enhances the fallow of this meadow.

in this crazy-busy time of year – with people rushing around trying to make the holidays perfect for themselves and others – i’m thinking that maybe we are all a little too close. i’m reminded again and again of what is most important. i’m taking in serenity as i can. we are trying to go slow – to appreciate the big picture – to not be clouded by that which is hard to sort or discern or, for that matter, even clearly see. 

yes, the red dogwood is blurry up close. but from a little distance it stands out in a field barren of much color. the dissonance fades. the chord resolves. there is clarity. 

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

INSTRUMENT OF PEACE acrylic 48″x91″

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decorated. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

it would appear that nature is decorating for the holiday season. even in the browns and tans and greys of the fallow, color bursts out at us. it’s stunning. the honeysuckle is unmoved though – it is standard fare in the winter to be berried. we, however, stop to appreciate it.

we decorated early this year. right around thanksgiving we put up our eileen-tree (which we named “e.e.”), pulled out the mini-trees i love to place everywhere, added twinkling white lights and silver ornaments. there are snowflakes and pinecones from the forest floor and heartfilled nods to my children-in-younger-days and my scandinavian heritage. we unearthed the boxes of vintage glass ornaments and shiny brites from my sweet momma and poppo and placed those ever-so-gently on the happy-light-lit big branches we now have year-round in the living room. it looks like christmas.

each day goes by faster now it seems. and then it’s friday again. i’m not sure where the time goes. as we make our holiday cards and a few handmade gifts to send out, george winston’s december is on repeat – the quiet of this album is speaking to us this season. bombastic christmas or vocal-gymnastic-laden carols seem like too much noise. restraint seems more in line with our spirits. more serenity.

there are many festivities to choose from – out there. we thought about a concert or two and lingered back. we thought about a holiday festival or two and lingered back. we thought about stores and crowds and lingered back. we will finish making our cards and creations and do a bit of boutique shopping. we may make a cookie or two. the krumkake of ages past nudges us and sip and feast taunts us with a long island italian almond cookie (gluten-free). we sit under blankets in a darkened living room – lit only by happylights. we savor the sparkle. we sit in content silence, we tell stories of past holidays – wistful, tearing up, laughing, lost in memories and hopes for future holidays.

and there is the woods.

whenever we can, we take time out there. the forest reminds us of both the everpresence and the evanescence of it all. it reminds us of the passing of time, the changing of seasons, adjusting to harsh circumstances and it reminds us of the rejuvenation and renewal of spring. we know that beyond the cold and frozen, there will be warmth. it’s all fluid and some things – like transition – are certain. there is silent wisdom – of the ages – you can feel as you place your feet – emanating from the dirt of the trail.

it is no wonder that nature has already decorated – with quiet fervor and vivid color – for the holidays.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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cantata season. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

in most rehearsals, i would remind the choir that their smile could be heard. there is a major difference to the timbre of voice brought forward with or sans smile. the same is true with speaking; even when you are not seen, the difference in tone is distinguishable.

it’s the season of the christmas cantata – a major work of multiple pieces with various voicings, instrumental lines, accompaniment and narration – closer to an hour in length. i’m writing this on the sunday morning that was usually chosen as the day of performance – the second sunday in december. i can’t even begin to remember how many cantatas i’ve directed – and written and arranged – through my decades as a minister of music. just recently a facebook memory came up – it was my post thanking the choir and worship band at a church where we had just performed such a work. the creation of narrative and song is exhilarating – for both director and participants – and everything drives to the downbeat. there is a glow that emanates from such a group – these people who have diligently prepared a musical piece of larger extent – and the camaraderie that weaves its way through – it is joy.

it’s been a few years now since i have directed a cantata. i’m guessing it’s a few years since many of the people who participated have sung or played a cantata. not every minister of music or choir director is up to it and some choose other programming. while you are preparing weekly anthems for sharing in service you are concurrently rehearsing this large work, so it takes time and energy, a compositional spirit, an innate ability to discern cantatas of value, ingenuity, the ability to rearrange on the fly, the belief in showcasing your choir – as a choir – accommodating any ability level, the recognition that simplicity is potent, much flexibility and humor, meticulous planning and true dedication. it is knowing as a conductor – in the moment after the downbeat – that you will merely guide this integrated group of singers and musicians through this visceral experience of purity. yours is a backseat to the magic – this is not your microphone. it is an undertaking not for the meek.

to say that i miss cantata-day would be understating. the gift of music is to make resonant that which is hard to see, that which is not tangible. the gift of music is to evoke powerful imagery and to open emotions tucked away. the gift of music is to bring forward beauty and the magnificence of producing something together. the gift of music is to offer just that – the gift of music. impactful, moving, music has the ability to change souls.

we pass the leaf on the trail – so very obviously lips curled in a smile. i think about all the times i have urged a singer to smile, all the times i have listened to the difference between smiling and not smiling – like the difference between the keys of d minor and e minor. vast.

and right now – as i write this – i wonder how many choirs are gathered on chancels, singing their hearts out, smiling inside and out.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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and then their theme songs. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

“dogga, dogga, you’re the one.

dogga, dogga, so much fun.

dogga, dogga, in the sun.

dogga, dogga, number one!”

he loves his theme song. it has a specific melody, but can be sung to many different tunes, in many different styles. what he knows is that it is his.

i suppose that theme songs go beyond the scope of exaggerated prosody – those patterns of rhythm, intonation and stress of the voice you use – most like that of talking to infants – with which dogs so easily identify. i’m not sure how it’s so easy to revert to this higher-pitched baby-talk but it gets his attention and seems to maintain it. there have been studies…whether dogs’ neural sensitivity is attuned more to this higher modulated speech pattern – a pattern that is directed to a listener with limited linguistic competence. as the more longer-vowel-sound-higher-pitched-sing-song speaker in the house, i’d say it’s true.

dogga responds to sooo many words and it does seem obvious: he is more sensitive to dog and/or infant type directed speech than if we were to just speak to him in adult-directed voices. his wagawag starts up as soon as he hears our “e.p.”, er, babytalk. i would guess he might roll his eyes and yawn were we to start holding adult conversation with him, particularly on topics of conversation during which he has retreated to the bathroom for escape. though i have had many a chat with him – he’s a good listener – he has not had the same level of response as he does with the prosody of adoring dogmom. “sleepyniiightniiight”, “loooooveyou”, “withmahhhhmma”….

“babycat. you are the cutest little babycat. you are the cutest little babycat, babycat, wah wah wah wah wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah…” (babycat)

“i’m a chopper-whopper-dinkus-baby and you are not; chopper-whopper, dinkus-bayyybee…” (chopper)

“hughie-hughie-hughie-huuwEEeeEE. hughie-hughie-hughie-huuwAHahAHH…” (hughie)

“i was smurfling along…” (missi)

yes, yes. the theme songs go way back – decades. and i suppose so does the tone of voice. in a world that can be pretty harsh, there can’t be much wrong with a little exaggerated prosody here and there.

certainly, there is no limit to it when it comes to our beloved pets. so much unconditional love.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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mychart smorgasbord. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

it’s hard to contain the excitement of returning to a favorite haunt for dinner out. we rarely go out for dinner so any time we find ourselves being a littlebit indulgent it’s cause for celebration.

but – just as it isn’t smart to go to the grocery store hungry, it also isn’t smart to go out for dinner the day after your metabolic and lipid panel bloodwork results are posted on your mychart.

and so you read – wondering why anything marked “high” or “low” hasn’t made your solicitous physician call you at home, concern and suggestions – with an appropriate amount of reassurance – in her voice. but this is 2023 and there is no time for that and you need be happy enough with the office staff call. my recent physical with a brand new doctor-to-me – which took seven months from the time i called to book it – wasn’t even completed (thus i have to go back for the girly stuff) because i dared give a little context history and asked a few questions about things that were concerning me – and we ran out of my “allotted time”. she did inform me – on her way out the door while telling me to make a follow-up appointment to finish the (might i say – important?) girly stuff – that physicals are merely bloodwork and cancer screenings. they are not meant for body, mind and spirit check-ins to be sure you are – uhhh – “physically” ok. to say that i don’t understand would be an understatement. (let me just mention here that our healthcare totals in excess of $28,000 and that i haven’t once used it this year prior to this “physical” which makes me very fortunate – in addition to mathematically making this “physical” mighty expensive.)

but i digress.

so, on our own, we study the new results, compare them to former test results, look for trends, research what creatinine and various other tests really mean, note any “high” and “low” indicators, look up dietary choices to aid in lowering or raising these, discover (again) that proper hydration is of extreme import, seek answers to lower stress levels (which contribute to many of these results). we power through the mayo clinic, the cleveland clinic, the nih, webmd, medline, healthline, even wikipedia – trying to find information we can digest and the answers to what we can order off the menu.

today i read the doctor’s comments. with one exception – even though i had concerns with any red and green markings on my results – she wrote that it was all “wnl”. i looked that up. “within normal limits” in med-talk.

we are still going to make some changes. we want to do the best we can as we “gracefully” age – between diet and exercise and maintaining a zen-like existence. uh-huh. it’s always good to evaluate and re-evaluate our health choices.

but for now, i’m gonna skip the chia seeds this time.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2023 kerrianddavid.com

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it ain’t heavy. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

… the road is long
with many a winding turn
that leads us to who knows where, who knows where
but i’m strong
strong enough to carry him
he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

… so on we go
his welfare is of my concern
no burden is he to bear
we’ll get there

… for i know
we would not encumber me
we ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

… if I’m laden at all
i’m laden with sadness
that everyone’s heart
isn’t filled with the gladness
of love for one another

… it’s a long, long road
from which there is no return
while we’re on the way to there
why not share?

… and the load
doesn’t weigh me down at all
he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

… he’s my brother
he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

(bob russell / bobby scotthe ain’t heavy, he’s my brother)

queen anne’s lace does not bow down under the weight of the snow. it stands – upright – proudly holding what looks like a single-scoop of snowfall. despite the wind, despite the force of gravity – queen anne’s lace bears the burden, singing along with the hollies “and the load doesn’t weigh me down at all…..”

we have a thing or two to learn from nature. long roads, winding turns, shared concern for welfare, love for one another.

we are witness to miracle after miracle out here. they are tiny; they are vast. we stand at the wayside of nature’s rest area – in the fallow that is late autumn and early winter – and we watch as the journey of the woods marches on. working side by side, arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder, the forest and its inhabitants are thrust onto the long cold road ahead, eventually seeking spring. the ecosystem is symbiotic and nothing is encumbered more than the next. even in any not-knowing, critters and plants and trees alike trudge on, sans complaint. they carry with them the exchange of energy and the work of the fallow. they are strong. and it ain’t heavy. they are brothers-sisters together.

and they are waiting for us – the humans – to catch up to their simple wisdom.

*****

WAITING from JOY! A CHRISTMAS ALBUM ©️ 2005 kerri sherwood

download music from my little corner of iTUNES

stream on PANDORA

listen on iHEART radio

read DAVID’s thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

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