reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Category Archives: DR thursday


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on the cusp. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

it’s not-this, not-that. neti, neti. a period of duality.

we are not in winter. we are not in spring. though calendars will challenge that, the meteorological fallout of not-this-not-that surrounds us. and we all learn to live in duality. dress in layers. be prepared for anything.

most northern states stake claim to some iteration of the saying, “if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and it’ll change.” so littlebabyscion has a backseat laden with vests and jackets; we are always ready for whatever weather shifts our way.

in the meanwhile, we live on the cusp.

we hiked during the eclipse. with the exception of two or three others who passed us, we were completely alone.

though we went to several places to attempt purchasing eclipse glasses, we were too late, and we didn’t have protective eyewear. it was remarkable that so many glasses were sold out at so many places and that meant that so many people were planning on watching this extraordinary event, setting aside portions of their day to view and to celebrate.

so we did not look up. instead, we aimed the camera at the sky and snapped photos. because we didn’t research ahead – which is highly unusual for us – we also didn’t realize we needed these glasses – or a filter – to capture the essence of the eclipse in a photograph with our iphones.

but it doesn’t matter. because we felt it.

the deer must have known. they lingered trailside, aware of our presence, yet not fleeing. we watched each other – in this time of not-this-not-that, not-light-not-dark – they seemed, oddly – for usually they run gracefully away, accepting of us.

at exactly 2:08 – the moment when the eclipse was at peak in our area – the light around us changed. everything took on a surreal, somewhat golden glow, intensifying color around us. we stood still and looked around, certain, even though our photographs were belying the truth, that we were in the moment. the birds were loud, the heron flew above us. the wind changed. and then, it was time, suspended.

we hiked back to the trailhead, knowing that light had been filtered through dark. hopefully, a time of renewal. maybe a time of shedding old energy. i wondered how the world would feel if we lived in that moment at all times. not in the not-this, not-that, but in new light, each and every day.

i suppose we should be as astounded by the sunrise each day. we should be astonished at the play of dark into light. we should be gobsmacked by the new beginning of dawn.

because, really, everywhere around us there are miracles of transformation. and we are always on the cusp of everything beautiful, were we to just stop, were we to just look, to just recognize it. to live in the eclipse.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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the magic dots. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

the magic dots showed up. it is a happy day to wake up and see them.

with just the right angle of the sun and just the right angle of the miniblinds across the room on the east side windows of the bedroom, they sometimes – but not all the time – appear.

it is a little bit like fairy dust, the twinkle at the end of a magic wand, floating bubbles, glimpses of angel wings. and what could possibly not be good about all that?!

i have awakened in this room most of the 35 years i have lived here, save for bedroom rebuild/remodeling time and other moments here and there. with five windows, there is no shortage of light. it is bright and, though – like rooms in old houses – not big, it is airy.

it is spirit-lifting to wake up and see them…these magic dots dancing on the wall. and, during a time that is testing my spirit in more ways than i care to think about, i am grateful for the dots.

they poke at me, prodding me with mary oliver urgency – “what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” “eh??” they add. “well?” they insist.

they know – these magic dots – that there is much to be done. they know there is much to work through, to see to the other end, to process.

but seeing them reminds me to carry them with me. to not forget the fairy dust, the magic, the bubbles, wings in the middle of it all. to hold it all more lightly.

for, like, the magic dots, it will all disappear as the sun rises and the rays tilt in a different angle. with one turn of the miniblinds, they will be gone.

but in the meanwhile, they invite me to dance with them.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

WINGED mixed media 24″x20″

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friendly with bears. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

the trees out front and across the street often filter the sunlight, depending on the angle of the sun. we are on the north side of the street and so, we have a southern exposure. gazing outside at the sun filtering through the limbs doesn’t always give me an accurate picture of what it’s like out. i am given to stepping out on the front step to see what it really feels like out there, to see what it’s really like, to see the real.

she said, “you can’t trust people just because of the mask they are wearing.” and she’s right. the masks – the titles – we make assumptions that don’t really depict the person. we grant pedestals upon which others have placed people wearing the masks, donning the costume, assuming the title, but all the while betraying authenticity. our view of others is filtered through their masks, whatever it is they want us to see. the sun through the limbs.

it all somehow makes me think of the song “return to pooh corner”, the hundred acre wood, the world of pooh and piglet. maybe it’s a yearning for that sort of innocence, that sort of blissful good intention. we didn’t wonder about winnie the pooh’s agenda or piglet’s loyalty. they were – clearly- a bear and a pig and they spoke to truth. winnie the pooh says, “i’m never afraid with you.” no filters.

i suppose that truth – sans filters – is like the hundred acre wood – the forest, though. like the sun, it’s always there – always available. a.a. milne states, “but of course, it isn’t really good-bye, because the forest will always be there…and anybody who is friendly with bears can find it.”

you just have to be friendly with bears.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

SURRENDER NOW mixed media 24″x24″

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the green glow. life. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

and the deadened stalks of underbrush began to show signs of life. instead of the greys and browns of winter, its lack of light and its deep shadows, the sun has drawn out buds of newness and there is a slight glow of green in the woods.

soon, that green glow will grow and it will push out all the shadows of what had been, of the eradication that had happened in the preserve, of the fires and the heavy equipment’s tearing and grinding of buckthorn and other invasives. soon, the green glow will reflect back the warmth of the sunlight of spring and regrowth and we will walk in places that are not heavy with the press of toxic plants or trees. soon, the green glow on stems of underbrush, on trunked branches of trees will distinguish goodness from that which chokes out life.

walking – in the woods – last summer, last fall, early winter – it was hard to imagine – almost impossible – to really grok – that the beauty of the underbrush and the forest was being overrun by that which would utterly ruin it.

walking now – in the woods – in late winter/early spring – still with its juxtaposition of the echoes of the dark and the light, new vegetation and old chokemonsters, goodness and destruction – it’s ridiculously easy to see the difference.

the green glow. and the forest grows.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

INSTRUMENT OF PEACE mixed media 48″x91″

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the way out of chaos. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

“let there be an opening into the quiet that lies beneath the chaos, where you find the peace you did not think possible and see what shimmers within the storm.” (john o’donohue)

i spent a little over a week in ireland. it was lush and magical and filled with a simple richness hard to articulate. we walked along stone walls separating us and sheep. we perched on high cliffs overlooking the atlantic. we cozied in pubs with pick-up music and dark beer. verdant, there was beauty in its countryside and in its people, in its music and its air. clover – just off the side of the trail – in the shade and still polka-dotted with earlier dew – makes me think of this cherished time of years ago.

we’ll have corned beef and cabbage, white potatoes and carrots with 20. and guinness. we’ll sit together around our tiny kitchen table. he’ll tell of his vacation and we’ll tell him of all the stuff he missed back here. and in the sharing, the sipping, the eating, any storms of this time will part – clouds shuffling back, thunder and lightning easing up. and laughter will gurgle up through the cracks, perspective regaining ground. the chaos will stay where it belongs – in the dregs, the dark caves – and quiet peace – in soft voice and raucous laughter – will rise.

and we’ll know that dewy clover and the kitchen table, the shimmering riches of a good meal and good company, untarnished beauty of shared time and simple nature will always lead the way out of chaos.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

IN PRAYER mixed media 67″x64″

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filters. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

sitting at the oyster bar at the milwaukee public market, there was a young couple around the bend of the bar. they started to take selfies and the young woman would glance at the photo, making self-deprecating comments and talking about using a filter. as a selfie-non-believer (mostly because of my age and the wrinkles that don’t lie) i offered to take a few pictures of them from across the bar, saying that photos are always a little softer from a distance. the young woman happily handed me her phone, adding she’d love if i would take a picture – if i knew how to work an iphone. wow. i guess it’s not just selfies that tell my age.

dogga loves to lay in the snow. any chance he gets he will lay down and stay there for as extended a period a time as we allow. his snow-glee is magical and i try to capture it in photos. in an effort to not disturb him, i took this photo through the back screen door. he somehow knew i was there and turned his head to look at me. i snapped his picture and here it is, sans filter.

i suppose there are many things that act as filters these days. material items like fancy cars or trendy clothing or mcmansion homes – all these things set a tone, create a reality whether or not it is reality, whether or not it is truth-telling or belies the actual. people want to be seen in certain ways and will filter themselves with whatever is available to them to be more certain that you see them in the way they wish. the car, the clothes, the house, the red-heeled shoes – they all precede the person. and our society – with its emphasis on materialism and the laddered measure it creates – reinforces and exacerbates this. we are – sometime or other – all guilty of forming opinions before having even an iota of a chance to speak to a person, to sort out a smidge of who they are, to glimpse their soul.

the young couple was lovely. they were clearly enjoying each other’s company and you could see that joy on their faces. it seemed that it might have been early on in their relationship, but they also seemed a bit smitten with each other.

i wondered later how that look – captured on film – wouldn’t be enough and why, with youth and love on their side and in their photograph, they would need a filter.

i started to take another photograph of dogga through the screen door. he got up from his spot and turned toward me. because he is a smartypants with many lessons to teach us, he repeated something he had heard me say once or twice, reminding me that any kind of filter isn’t necessary.

“wait…get my good side,” he quipped.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

NAP WITH DOGDOG AND BABYCAT mixed media 36″ x 48″

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the tease of time. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

i am writing this on the next day. the day after spring. it is now winter again. the seasons are getting shorter and shorter these days. i’m wondering if that is a product of age and stage, as 20 says.

mostly, it convinces us that we need to have a sense of humor. about all things. even the weather.

we sit writing this – snow outside – windows closed – heat on (though not much because i am a curmudgeon about the heat). yesterday we sat writing – birds and sunshine outside – windows open – heat off. it is off again, on again. the tease of time.

tomorrow it is march. and suddenly, i am in the month of my 65th birthday. i am in the month of medicare. i am in the month of the supplement vs the advantage plan. i am in the month of part d. i am in the month of whoa!!

and i wonder – where did the time go? wasn’t it spring yesterday? wasn’t it summer and delicious fall? how is it that i glance in the mirror and an almost-65 stares back?

it truly is the tease of time. the seasons are getting shorter and shorter. and – more and more – my investment in them is getting bigger and bigger – each individual day in each individual week in each individual month in each individual year.

the next day is all well and good. but it’s today that matters right now.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

DANCING IN THE FRONT YARD 24″x24″

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ready to burst. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

they seem ready to burst. seeds perched on the starting line, waiting for the right wind to pick them up and scatter them. they have gathered energy – all along – soaking in the winter sun, dried by cold breezes, clinging to the safety of their stalky stem. and now – it’s time soon – to release – to go forth – to spread their fluffy seeds. and, in their own way, they will be heard.

this is not unlike many initiatives. times where people work tirelessly, gather information, research and sort in the fallow times, soak in rare moments of rest, waiting for the time to burst. and then, the marketing campaign hits the market, the album is released, the gallery opens its doors, the ballet has an opening, the law is introduced for passage and enactment, the hearing starts.

so many seeds gathered in one giant fluffball, waiting. though uncertain about their future – uncertain about whether they have stoked enough energy, soaked up enough sun, gathered enough wind in their seed-wings – uncertain about success or failure – they wait. ready to burst.

“hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. you wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.” (anne lamott)

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

GREET THE DAY mixed media 48″ x 48″

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settled. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

a friend of ours wrote, “i feel like i’ve been searching for that place for a long time now.” that place. the place to call home.

i haven’t lived in a neighborhood that has underground wires. on long island, in florida, in new hampshire, on island, here. everywhere i’ve lived has had wires that stretch from telephone poles to places on the house. cables parallel to the road, cables crisscrossing the backyard, cables running down the driveway.

i’m sure that living in a development without wires might look neater, cleaner. certainly there would be no chance of wires downed in ice storms or big up-on-the-pole transformer explosions. 

but wires are what i know. and the squirrels provide an extraordinary amount of entertainment using them as squirrel highways. 

would i rather it wireless? probably. but it’s home – even in that minor imperfection – and i feel settled – most of the time – here. 

i tried to explain it. if i could choose a place where i would want to live – sans thinking about cost and such – i would likely not choose here. other places call me. the mountains, the coast. but this is where i am right now and right now it is where i am. 

i suppose it’s where you place your focus. 

shortly, my brand-spanking-new medicare card will take effect. it’s astounding. conversations among friends are about where to live in this new time of life, paring down, perhaps downsizing, perhaps spending time in the year in a different locale, a different climate. it has us thinking.

we continue to go through our house and donate, give away, sell, throw out things that are tucked into spaces on each level of our home. this project will take a while. there’s a lot of life to sort. and, as we do, we re-imagine the space. downstairs, we say, off to the side of david’s studio, on the street side of the treadmill and the bike, we’ll add some mats. we’ll stretch down there and build our exercise programs. the sitting room has become a cozy reading room and all our cds are now visible on shelves, easy access to playing music we love. eventually, the kitchen will have a little cosmetic work. though we have cooked thousands of meals in it as it is, a little refresh will go a long way. we pine to be out back on our deck and patio, adirondack-chair sitting. we see maybe a few more vegetables in our future. we have some deferred maintenance projects to attend to. 

but we are in a place that makes access to other places easy. we sit between two major cities, a very cool madison a third to our west. we have two major airports nearby, a third down the road a piece. we have trains that will take us to chicago if we don’t want to drive. our city is growing and, though we don’t always agree with everything, it will continue to expand and more will be offered here.

would i choose it if i could choose from anywhere? maybe not. but this is where i am – where we are – and this – for right now – is where we are settled. another day i may answer that differently, more vehemently dedicated to somewhere else. 

in the meanwhile, we’ll make adventures from this place. and we’ll know we can always come home.

every time we pull away for a longer bit, i whisper to our house. i’m guessing every time we pull back into our driveway, wires up above us running the lot line, it whispers back.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

INSTRUMENT OF PEACE mixed media 48″ x 91″

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the bald eagle. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

though these are not the “amber waves of grain” from the song, they did bring the song to my mind -“america, the beautiful” (katharine lee bates / samuel ward).

some of the most awe-inspiring-catching-my-breath moments have happened out west. in the mountains, in the canyonlands, in the high desert, it is not hard to encounter beauty that takes your breath away. the vastness, the absolute splendor is hard to deny. i get overwhelmed pretty easily out there and both david and my daughter can attest to the fact that i will literally cry in those places.

but time and budgets and obligations keep us from being in those places as often as we would wish. and so, we must make sure to see the fantastic in places closer-by, in vistas familiar. 

we keep our eyes open. 

every time we hike our most familiar trail we notice something different. the other day, though, heavy equipment had restoratively decimated much of what we knew. so we decided to hike along the river, watching for wildlife that had been displaced. we looked for signs of an early spring, traipsing on muddy trails and noticing how high the water line had gotten. 

and then there was this bald eagle. perched high in a tree, overlooking all the newly mown-down woods, it was waiting. i saw it as i glanced up – noting the height of the trees that remained. and there it was. such a gift – seeing an eagle. 

a few times, weeks ago, i watched an eagle soaring there – over the woods, over the bogs. astoundingly, it was mere minutes after i whispered silently for a sign from the universe. the sudden presence of this eagle made me feel like maybe the universe was listening. we wondered aloud what other lessons were there for us out there, what other reassurances we might find in nature.

so we pay attention.

and we pass the waves of grass. 

and notice.

and – even in a time that is fraught with division, rife with political mayhem, with people jostling for power, people just wanting to be heard, people suffering from discriminatory inequalities of which there are far too many to list – i can still hear the song:

“o beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain. for purple mountain majesties above the fruited plain. america! america! god shed his grace on thee. and crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea!”

and i think about these spacious skies, the waves of grain, the purple mountain majesties…brotherhood – personhood – shared values – mutual support – in everything from sea to shining sea. and that grace comes into play, for i agree with the lyrics – we surely need divine wisdom, guidance, mercy, assistance…

and the bald eagle sits perched in its highest tree, looking out over the woods that remained. from there it can see the waves of grass, the tracks of heavy equipment in the dirt. it can’t see the purple mountain majesties or the sea or the other shining sea. 

yet, knowing all that was out there – somewhere – it sat. eyes wide open. and took in its world below. 

and likely thought about how fantastic it really is.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

EARTH INTERRUPTED VI mixed media
50.25″ x 41“

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