i recently had a conversation with someone i haven’t seen or spoken to in almost fifty years. we held space together on the phone gently, tenderly. for this wasn’t a social call where we spent time reminiscing about lovely memories and silly anecdotes. instead this was a call that transcends mere words, that was opening doors long-closed, turning metaphoric knobs for access into painful times and angst-filled recollections. i was shaking and weepy when i got off the phone, but grateful to have had the chance to meet together on empathetic ground.
there are some doors – that in the turning of the knob, the opening of the door – are most difficult. i am learning – at this time in my life – that these doors, though they make me shudder, even squeamish – are worthy of opening. these doors will eventually lead to the place that will ease the constant butterfly-like-vibration in my chest. these doors will set free the ramifications of all that happened long ago. these doors promise new. they promise perspective born of process. they promise light – granted to the dark of way-earlier life.
this call – like others in recent times – was somewhat excruciating. it was hard to dial up – to open that slammed door. yet, i was grateful to feel the undeniable comfort – coexisting with deep grief – that came in its aftermath. profound.
not alone, understood, we both knew without saying that we ‘got it’ on its most cellular level, the granular place of shared traumatic experience, the inevitable sisterhood beyond the opened closed-door.
“i want women to see that you do not get pushed around.” (* attributed below)
this piece today is dedicated to all the women who have made it through, all the women who are making it through, all the women who will make it through.
your fire has brought you to the edge of the battlefield many times and you have still made lemonade; you have still prevailed.
you have made it through intensely emotionally abusive relationships. you have picked up the pieces and you have moved on.
you have made it through physical or sexual abuse. you have risen from the ashes.
you have made it through terrifying health scares. you have pulled up your boot straps and determinedly plodded through with massive courage.
you have made it through society’s prioritizing of body image and appearance. you have been measured by your cleavage or lack thereof, by the indent of your waist, by the clothing you choose, by your hair. you struggle to remember you are beautiful. you stand tall.
you have made it through vacuumous times, the middle of chaos, the middle of multi-tasking. you have created.
you have made it through physical summit experiences. you have scaled mountains. you have boarded down untracked chutes. you have trained your body with weights and exercise. you have run. you have skated. you have pedaled. you have breathed in and sighed an exhale. you’ve run thousands of lengths of playing fields. you took the next painful recuperating step. you dove to the depths. you have been on world stages. you have risen with hungry or fevered children night after night. you have competed. you have given birth.
you have made it through falling. you have made mistakes. you have been human. you have forgiven and you have been forgiven.
you have made it through an education steeped in gender-inequality and bias. you have chosen to learn more, to actively seek the resources, rights and opportunities due you, to resist against the discrimination.
you have made it through a system that undermines your success and devalues your value. you have fought for your place.
you have made it through financial challenges of single womanhood, of single motherhood. you have been scrappy and, without complaint, you have layered onto yourself however much it took to get it done.
you have made it through work situations where you’ve questioned how you would be treated were you to be a man. would you be yelled at? would your professionalism be questioned? you have asked these questions. you have stayed, holding steadfast, or you have moved on; you have decided what is best for you and moved in that direction.
you have made it through the skewed-world fray into leadership roles where your every decision is challenged or thwarted. you have overcome; you have triumphed.
you have made it through being-too-young and through aging. and you are not irrelevant.
you have made it through. you have spoken up, spoken back, spoken for. you have written letters. you have marched.
you have been pushed around. but you have pushed back. and, just like the tortoise, you have made it through.
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