it is easy to have a list of things we wish for. a list of things we lack. a list of ways we aren’t enough. it is easy to perseverate over these things. things that make us different from someone else, things that make us less successful, less wealthy, less chic. it is easy to measure yourself against others. it is easy to fall short.
in those moments, it is easy for someone outside of you to remind you of what you do have, the ways ‘it could be worse’, the ways you are rich beyond compare. it is easy to push back against those words, against those admonishment-reminders. it is easy to stay in the lists. alone. to wallow.
but in the new tide that follows the overwhelmed sobs, the tears that cleanse but don’t solve, the grief of wishing-it-were-different, there are deep breaths of renewal. there are realizations. there are glimpses of beauty, the seeing of kindnesses, winks of hope.
there were rocks planted along one of the trails we hike on, positive messages painted on them. each one made us smile, made us wonder, made us look for the next. life-giving.
gratitude is like that. in a time swirling with negativity, personal challenges, darkness overtaking the sun, we offer these gratitude cards. print and cut them out (PDF link below), write your thoughts, hide them somewhere as a surprise, tuck them into a nook or cranny, or give them to people who are unsuspecting, people who maybe need the spark of your expression of gratitude.
the more grateful you are, the more grateful you are. it’s an amazing, wondrous cycle.
ick. i would much rather be thought of as “swell” than “moth-eaten” or “chic” rather than “dowdy”. good grief. this is full of possibilities for an emotional breakdown, an inferiority complex in the mixing bowl.
in the show schitt’s creek, moira (the ever-present, loving and compassionate mom -NOT-) is speaking to the dad (equally as despicable in his own right.) she states that to their children they are “the polar antonym of hip”.
hmm. is this not a defining characteristic of parenthood? we simply cannot be hip like them. we are not them. our children have different hip-ness than we do; our children are swell – and will be swell – in different ways than we have ever been.
i hardly think that the well-practiced eyerolls that my daughter has given me (in my view or from a thousand miles away) are because she thinks i am “modish”. nor do i think the radio silence in-between my equally sweet love-professing text messages to my son are because he is thinking, “wow! my mom is supercool!” it is part of their job to think we are un-hip. it is part of their journey in life to think we are “antediluvian”.
it IS the circle of life. forget rafiki and mufasa and the lions and all. the circle of life is the circle of hipness. you are hip until you are no longer hip. the line is foggy and you will not be notified until it is too late. there is no expiration date or deadline for payment. it just happens. the crease between your eyebrows is deep and the waistline on your jeans slowly creeps up from your hips. un-hip.
but such is life, as my sweet momma would say. maybe it’s time to embrace being ‘the polar antonym of hip’.
i will not be whipping out the credit card to try and stay ahead of it. ‘hip’ is untenable. the silky threads trailing behind it escape grasp. my boots and flipflops and black shirts will have to be my new ‘hip’. my philosophy of less-is-more will have to be my new ‘hip’. driving big red and littlebabyscionwithhundredsofthousandsofmiles will have to be my new ‘hip’. listening to john denver and james taylor and carole king will have to be my new ‘hip’. trying to keep being an honest artist in this world of machinated stuff will have to be my new ‘hip’. and my jeans, sitting sort of on my hips, will have to be my new ‘hip’.
and i will hope-against-hope that maybe, just maybe, my children will think, “wow! mom’s pretty hip.” (only even the word ‘hip’ isn’t ‘hip’.)
granted, schitt’s creek is not a shining example of serious shows. nor is it the apex of intelligent, thought-provoking viewing. but we had run out of parenthood (still sniffling over the bitter end) and this is us and everest movies and documentaries and decided to try on something new. we chose schitt’s creek.
it quickly became apparent to us that the humor in this show was not necessarily in alignment with our sense of humor, but we watched anyway. we decided it was a study.
the stunning moment came when one of the characters looked at another and, in complete candor, said, “kindness is a sign of weakness.”
we sat and looked at each other, the glow of the moon on water out the window. we dove deep into those words. after much debate and a search for profundity, we realized that in this country, at this time, with these circumstances, it was a true statement. kindness is not where it’s at, not what gets you ahead. it is without power and control. its calmness is terrifyingly missing in national goings-on, in international goings-on, in dealings with people even close-up and personal with agendas that serve only themselves. kindness has left the building in more places than we would care to think about. but a weakness? not.
beaky, my sweet momma, said, “be kind. be kind to each other.” and she damn well meant it. it may not have served her as well as being arrogantly demanding might have. it may not have served her as well as being haughty, nasty, biting might have. but it leaves a legacy for her that i am proud to speak about. it is a rare treat to see someone not take sh*t from someone else and do it with strong backbone in a kind way. my sweet momma was well-practiced.
we lit the torches about 5pm. it was cold but not breezy and the lake was calm after several days of bigger surf. it was the last night.
we sat on the back porch steps and watched the flame flicker. we moved inside and watched it dance from the living room, a fire burning in the woodstove. we checked the wind and the weather forecast and said goodnight to the torches late that night, flames glowing outside with boxes packed around us inside. very early in the morning i could see the slightest of flame glimmering in the torches, the light of golden rising sun behind them. all through the night. they burned all through the night.
there was something profound about that for us – the flame that kept burning through the night. i’m not sure i can speak to it. i can just say that the welcome flame of the torches in the morning was calming, steadying, grounding. indeed, the sun will set, night will descend, the sun will rise. the flame continues. light continues.
it was the last night on island, for now. the first dawn of next. and, as these things do – every sunrise and sunset – it has forever changed us.
yesterday, while i sketched moments on various keyboards, both pipe organ and piano, d sketched on paper. and he somehow captured how i was feeling. the lifting of eyes to the universe, the imploring of the heart. his scribblings on paper, my scribblings on keys. two artists, expressing.
the telling of the story – through music, through painting or drawing – does not demand complexity. sometimes it aches for simplicity. a pure line of melody, unadorned. a few fast pen-lines, unfinessed. the telling of the tale, honestly, pitch by pitch. not the skirting of the story, the fancified version sung by an vocal acrobat. instead, the straight-up carole-king-richard-diebenkorn-versions, sung note for note, painted line by brushed line, color by color. intense in their clean simplicity.
the more complicated things get, the more i list toward simple. less is more. my piano left hand has always been a virtual non-stop accompanist to my right hand, arpeggiating ad nauseum. in recent years, i’ve asked it to calm down, to allow room for the delivery of the right hand, to allow breath, to allow lift. together, they have given space for the real scribblings, the true expression.
if you have ever been to a taize service, you will have experienced the wisdom and power of repeated simplicity, a line of music that will take you to your knees. nothing advanced or embellished.
if you have ever held a child’s drawing in your hand, you will have experienced the wisdom and power of innocence, art that will take you to your knees. nothing advanced or embellished.
every morning on island i grabbed the phone and, usually still with pjs on, walked outside, to water’s edge, to take a picture. in this way i have an amazing collection of the moody displays of our little bay-of-lake-michigan during the months we were there. living right on the water was a gift…it balanced out all the other-ness of our time there…a collection of life and work and its challenges and joys from back at home as well as on our new little island.
we continue to be grateful to deb, who is generously sharing the magic of this sweet littlehouse with us as we live there. many times this summer and early fall we would get a text message from her house around the cove, pointing out the moonrise or the glittering of sun on the lake…gentle reminders of what was really important.
as fall rolls into winter i will miss sharing that bay and hog island with d and with deb-just-around-the-bend. i will miss the lake as it greets the day and lingers at day’s end. i will miss the sound of gentle waves and deeply unsettled surf.
i know that each tide brought with it new hurdles, new hiccups, new pitfalls. provocation is alive and well. but each tide also brought with it new triumphs, new delights, new joys, new learnings. inspiration is alive and well.
you have to slow down. as you drive in door county toward the ferry dock on the southern side of death’s door, the road begins to curve. it is imperative to slow down. after you arrive at the dock, as you wait for the ferry, IF you have a signal, you google the route, wondering. you find:
it is said that this scandinavian man (a landscape architect) designed this road to do just that: enrich people’s lives by nature. slow them down. i give a lot of credit to a person who chose to do what was likely an unpopular decision in a society that wants to get as-quickly-as-possible from point a to point b. slowing people down takes some guts. (have you ever driven the speed limit in the fast lane?)
i tend to go slower than d. we are both project-driven and completion-oriented. but once he is on a mission, he is relatively unstoppable. he likens it to being OCD (i’m not sure i’d entirely agree) but his focus is intense and he, like many, is not as tangential or multi-tasking-ish as i am. he doesn’t circle around or circle back like i do. it makes me wonder if circling is perceived as intense as straight-line-aheading, but i digress.
each time we have driven the road to the ferry that takes us to our little island i have thought about stopping and taking a picture of it. many people are parked on the side of the road, pausing to do just that, trying to wait until all the cars are gone and there aren’t other people standing in the middle of the road photographing the ideal photograph. i have joked about how they should maybe buy a postcard, but then, it’s not their personal moment and i really understand that.
the other day, because this route has grown on me and because it is really beautiful, i thought again about stopping to take a picture, to remember…all the times we have driven this way. i drove past the curvy part and then, because there was this nagging debate in my brain, said, “would you mind if we went back so i could get a picture?” of course, d’s answer was, “no, turn around! we’re in no hurry!” so i did. i circled back. i stood in the road and waited until there were no other cars or other people standing in the middle of the lane. i could smell the colors of the fall leaves, could feel the briskness of air and the smile of the sun, knew the ferry to the island was at the other end of the curves.
the idea of decelerating people to appreciate nature and moments in it speaks to me. the idea of incorporating nature rather than shaping it speaks to me. believing in the power of nature speaks to me. i vote with jens – slow down.
once upon a time, a geometric rug found its way onto our doorstep. it was carried in and put in the dining room, where all rolled-up geometric rugs go. it was The Boy’s rug and it would wait for The Boy to come get it. Rug waited and waited. until one day, The Boy came. Rug got excited. it knew it was going to go with The Boy and be his Rug. but The Boy gathered all the other large boxes in the dining room, which had become a holding ground for deliveries, and Rug heard him start his car and drive away. Rug panicked, thinking perhaps he had done something wrong, perhaps he wasn’t wanted. and so he sat, sad and alone, the only delivery left in the dining room, all rolled up and despondent.
until one day when we came home from the island. we walked in, carrying boxes and bins, unloading them in, of course, the dining room. there, leaning up against the cabinet, was Rug. sorrowful, lonely, dejected, left-behind Rug. i looked at the label on Rug and saw that it belonged to The Boy and so i assured Rug that we would bring him home.
like all other weird things we seem to get ourselves involved in, we decided to take the train to deliver Rug to The Boy. we could have driven directly to his door in the big city, but for reasons hard to comprehend, we picked up Rug and carried him onto the train. all three of us disembarked from the train and Rug and i looked at the gps on my phone. a beautiful day, it was only 2 miles to walk to the front door of The Boy’s place. and so, off we went. happily scampering down the sunny sidewalks of the city, a big triangle grin on Rug’s face as he anticipated his new home. we took Rug into a grocery store and rode up and down on an escalator, adventuring together. back on the street, people gawked at us walking with Rug, for it is clearly not often enough that people take rugs for a walk. when at last we got there, The Boy carefully unpackaged Rug and laid him on the floor, next to the new couch and under the new coffee table. we left Rug to uncurl and went to lunch.
in the pouring rain, walking the two miles back to the train, we talked about our next adventure. and we hoped that Rug was adjusting well.
blank. it’s blank. this book i carry with me. it’s a journal, but i’ve never ever written in it. created by sue bender, the plain and simple journal has photographs of amish quilts and the shortest snippets of writings, many gleaned from time that sue spent in an amish community. i’m not sure why i haven’t written in it; perhaps it is a very-prolonged beaky rule – to save it. i do know that its pages have both comforted me and made me think. perhaps my own writing-on-these-pages would distract me or, once the pages are filled with scribble, it will detract from the printed snippets and fall out of i-carry-it-with-me grace. either way, it’s blank. and it’s profoundly wise.
“an amish woman told me, ‘making a batch of vegetable soup, it’s not right for the carrot to say i taste better than the peas, or the pea to say i taste better than the cabbage. it takes all the vegetables to make a good soup.” (sue bender)
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“to reconcile our seeming opposites, to see them as both, not one or the other, is our constant challenge.” (sue bender)
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“we all do better when we all do better.” (paul wellstone)
for where is it that we can not glory in another’s success, mourn with another’s failure, weep with another’s grief, dance with another’s bliss? we share the space. in community. not division.
we share the ride – we are all vegetables in the soup – we are not one or the other – and yes, we all do better when we all do better.
we are living the contrast principle. the elementary-school-workbook-page-which-one-doesn’t-fit principle. that can actually serve you well or it can be the bane of your existence. i’ll allow you to decide which one you think it is for us.
we are not from here. we do not have roots that go back a generation, two or three generations, seven generations. we weren’t born here, nor have we been coming here for decades on vacation. this is a new place for us. we chose to come here. and we came here out of great and positive intention.
when i first saw the ad for the position we ultimately accepted, we got excited and were instantly full of ideas and possibility. with our backgrounds, our education, our professional experiences, it seemed a perfect fit. with our artistry, our passion, our zeal, our energy, our ability to facilitate positive change, it seemed a perfect fit. but that assumes a “fit” and it assumes trust and it assumes the best of the contrast principle.
we work to create relationship, to mend the crevasse between arts organizations and between groups of people, to structure and build community and let the arts rise. we brainstorm and read and study – new initiatives, data of the past, stories of success and stories of failure. we strive to re-commit each day, choosing to step past the rifts, past the dysfunction, past the you-don’t-belong-here-ness of it all.
because we did choose it. we chose to be the daisy in the field of black-eyed-susans. we chose to be the new in the old. we chose the contrast principle. it would just be nice for it to be a tad bit easier.
reverse threading 