reverse threading

the path back is the path forward

Tag Archives: doing life


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flawed. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

i pointed and said, “look!!!!” david turned his attention to the suv one lane over, the one with “flawed” stenciled under the back window, next to the weeping rust spot.

i read it aloud and nodded. yes. flawed. indeed.

it occurs to me that the world would be a better place if everyone would consider their flawedness. we could all post it somewhere to remind ourselves. or carry it around like a mantra in our hearts. it would add a little grace, a little flexibility, a little humility to every situation. it could be a really good thing.

back a buncha years ago, we – 61 – that’s me, 14 and 20 – sat around our little (flawed) kitchen table and brainstormed, laughing. we came up with a cartoon called “flawed cartoon” and 20 and 14 started feverishly writing one-liners, one after another. because their brains are, well, their brains (flawed), i didn’t think every single thing they came up with was funny (because i am also flawed), but it made me laugh aloud. and some of it made me cringe like when you play cards against humanity – which is a dreadful game – apples to apples is much easier on the soul.

d drew tons of single panels. being human is messy so they all had great potential to point out the absurdity of living as a sentient being. not to mention the ridiculous ego ride many people seem to be surfing. or the necessity of taking things in stride or realizing – once again – that you are not as “all that” as you think. mostly, they’re pretty amusing and laughter is a good thing.

there are a lot of bumper stickers out there. some are pretty inspiring; some make me laugh. and some are pretty despicable and make me wonder what kind of person peels off the backing and places it on their vehicle for all the world to see.

one of the best things i’ve seen of late is the back of this suv.

FLAWED.

because we are.

“still, what i want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled –

to cast aside the weight of facts

and maybe even

to float a little

above this difficult world.

i want to believe i am looking

into the white fire of a great mystery.

i want to believe that the imperfections are nothing –

that the light is everything –

that it is more than the sum of of each flawed blossom rising and falling.

and i do.”

(mary oliver – house of light)

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

some flawed cartoon designs on society6

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on a curve. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

i felt compelled to tell him. the models in the bra commercial? they are not me. i do not resemble them in any way. not their perfect hair. not their perfect skin. not their perfect…yeah…anyway… “that’s not me,” i told him. he stared at me.

choosing things to wear – particularly to special occasions – is a big deal. we women take that seriously. it needs to be just right. not too much. not too little. not too overstated. not too understated. not too fancy. not too plain. not too overdressed. not too underdressed. there are just sooo many parameters, so many things to consider, so many unknowns…which adds up to much pressure.

then…drumroll…add to all that the factors of menopause and aging and whatever-perfection-there-was-giving-way-to-gravity and you have one helluva what-to-wear predicament.

so, this should never be underemphasized.

the grading curve of how-does-this-look is an absolute modifier.

particularly for partners of women who ask for an opinion.

we want the truth – don’t let us wear THAAAAT – but we also want some grace.

i mean, we are NOT the glamorous bra models in the commercials. we are real-life women who have had real-life physical challenges and babies and stresses and aging and a few too many chips and too few protein drinks, not hydrated enough and overly saturated with the emotions of modern day life, with chutzpah and flexibility and many, many plates spinning at the same time.

grade on a curve, schnuckums, grade on a curve.

yup.

luv ya!

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2024 kerrianddavid.com

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there is love. [kerri’s blog on k.s. friday]

it is a ritual. the dandy dandelions show up and i instantly become the mother of toddlers. oh, those very, very precious times.

it is wondrous to me that i still receive notes about this song – fistful of dandelions.

my children are both in their thirties now. life as a mom has changed dramatically…but only from a practical day-to-day point of view. the heart stuff is the same. it never changes.

a friend wrote to me, wondering if she could turn her mother-emotions down a bit now that her child was an adult.

i wrote back it doesn’t get any easier. motherhood is both the joy and grief. it is the fierce loving, protecting, worrying, cheering on…forever and ever. it is the backing up. it is the letting go. it is trusting that – in both the bliss and the pain – the connection exists, there is love.

“all the riches i will need today…”

*****

FISTFUL OF DANDELIONS ©️ 1999 kerri sherwood

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read DAVID’s thoughts this K.S. FRIDAY

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sprinkles. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

sprinkles. squared.

we ordered fried rice and eggrolls the same day i blogged about joy sprinkles. it doesn’t take much to get us enthused and fried rice and eggrolls do it. because we don’t eat out often, it is always a treat to have something someone else has prepared and this dinner is no different.

we only got one fortune cookie in our brown stapled bag of deliciousness; our order must be considered a small order. we saved it for later.

i got to be the one to crack it open.

“sprinkles of joy will shower upon you in unexpected ways.”

it was one of those stunning moments in the universe when all comes to a screeching halt and you realize it is – indeed – all connected. just when you felt a little bit untethered, a little unsteady, the universe shows up with an anchor.

and here it was. simply the words “sprinkles of joy”.

i texted heidi – forever my keeper of the word “sprinkles” – and we laughed to realize we had juuust spoken these very words, that i had just written them. unexpected, for sure. it was like the universe had its own personal siri listening in – like when you talk about mumbai – never touching your computer or phone or any device – and then it shows up on your facebook feed or in your instagram. here it was – the universe echoing back to me the words “sprinkles” and “joy”.

we walked past the cemetery at the end of our road on the way back from the corner store. it was sunny saturday and, having spent the day doing chores inside and outside around the house, we were going to sit out back on the patio with dogga, sip a glass of wine and eat – yes – chips. we haven’t had chips in a week and thought, “eh…what’s a few chips?!!” it was with chip-guilt in a plastic bag walking home – as we strolled past the cemetery – that d looked over at me.

“i’m glad the cemetery is at the end of our block,” he said. “it reminds me that these people all had lives, too,” going on to talk about perspective, stuff that matters and stuff that doesn’t matter, the passage of time, the not-knowing.

every moment is one in which to create joy. for oneself. for others. together. to be showered by sprinkles of joy. in unexpected ways.

i proudly carried our bag of chips the rest of the way home.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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back to the days. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

so, we wanted to watch a movie. you know, just a simple movie. it had been recommended to us by a friend and it was on our list-of-things-to-watch-someday.

we cozied up on the couch, ready.

he had the remote and the will.

but no power.

whatsoever.

we must have been through the “siri, find….” at least five times. we knewww it was out there. but, on what service? in what app? through what streaming? on what channel?

through the years we have had chromecast, a firestick and apple tv. our tv – itself – is not technically of this era. it’s from around 2008 and is non-smart. all these remote devices have helped. but a potato is still a potato and our vizio is still non-smart.

we persevered.

surfing through hulu, apple tv plus, netflix, amazon prime, youtube movies, spectrum tv, we finally found our movie on peacock. by then, i was already yawning.

but we still persevered.

we spent about fifteen minutes registering and signing in and purchasing and choosing.

i pined for the days of the tv across the room, connected to the antenna on your roof, maybe with a set of bunny ears on the tv stand to help. those days when you simply walked over, turned the dial and the tv came on. then you’d turn the other dial and three major stations would show up. and you’d pick from the shows on those channels, maybe looking up in the daily newspaper (laying next to the couch) for a description of the show or – if you were in-the-money – look it up in tv guide. then you’d settle in for a fine time with the folks in petticoat junction or with granny and jed and elly may and jethro in beverly hills. or maybe gidget or hogan or all in the family or three’s company or mash or happy days or mork and mindy or laverne and shirley or…. the list is endless. but it was all simple. walk to tv. turn on. turn channel dial. turn volume dial. walk back. sit down.

ultimately, we got there. it was like an everest summit. we watched the movie! the whole thing. without interruption and – miraculously – without falling asleep or having the remote ask us – having sensed no movement, no actions on our end – if we wanted it to “continue” and telling us to push “ok” (assuming we could find “ok” on the remote) to stay powered.

it was a personal triumph for us. a team effort. success!!

the other day we were at the library. we passed by stacks and stacks, rows of dvds. we both laughed, knowing we’d be back to check out some good old-fashioned movies. easy-peasy. put it in the dvd player and push “play”. unless, of course, your remote is switched to hdmi mode. in which case, good luck.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2024 kerrianddavid.com

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season-of-the-adirondack-chair. [kerri’s blog on not-so-flawed wednesday]

and the-season-of-the-adirondack-chair begins.

i cannot tell you how excited we are about this. for, as in most things, the beginning of something is almost always glorious, full of anticipation and expectation. and the-season-of-the-adirondack-chair is no different.

even with thermals and down vests, even with warm and fuzzy boots, there is no distracting us from the advent of this time, there is no disconcert about temperature or our sedimentary layers of clothing. the possibility just seems limitless.

we easily turn our perfectly lightweight chairs to the sun. we look at each other and smile. and deep inside, we hear bob marley singing, “every little thing is gonna be alright”.

we have waltzed on this patio, sipped wine on this patio, eaten delicious dinners on this patio, played ukuleles on this patio, had band rehearsal on this patio, entertained family and friends and scores of people who are or had been a part of our community on this patio, planned our wedding on this patio, watched our dogga on this patio, had hard and hopeful and healing conversations on this patio, planted tiny farms on this patio, laughed till our bellies hurt on this patio, cried till our bellies hurt on this patio, wished on the moon and the stars on this patio, watched the flame of our firepit dance with abandon on this patio, contemplated on this patio, grieved on this patio, napped on this patio and felt finally-awake on this patio.

and now, a new time will start, overlapping all the other times, weaving in and out of all the rest, a foliated-metamorphic-conglomerate-sedimentary rock life.

and the patio greets the adirondack chairs with glee. they all face the sun. and they smile.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this NOT-SO-FLAWED WEDNESDAY

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the perennial. [kerri’s blog on merely-a-thought monday]

“neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.” (desiderata – max ehrmann)

we wander down roads peppered with aridity and disenchantment. the impact is exhausting. the fallout can be long-lasting. they – aridity and disenchantment – wind around our fragile hearts, pressing, making us short of breath.

we are disappointed. we believed that others were different. we believed we were cared about, appreciated, that we were held in grace.

we are shaken. for some things take us by surprise, some people take us by surprise. we flail and stumble over these rugged rocks slyly hiding just beneath the road’s surface.

we are hurting. for we feel betrayed. aridity and disenchantment pale; they are dim heartbeats of betrayal.

and we find we must take a moment, a respite on the side of the road. our hearts are floundering.

and – somehow, somewhere – we are reminded. just as we were about to pick up the cynicism white flag, we can see it: love.

and we can feel the river flowing through us and we can feel hope rising. for under the snow the grass is greening.

and we turn away from that which causes us profound thirst, that which prevents growth. and we discard that which has been a rude awakening, that which has elicited utter disillusionment.

and we face the perennial.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this MERELY-A-THOUGHT MONDAY

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naps. [kerri’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab.]

i’ve reeeally not been a nap person. napping in the daytime makes me feel kind of out-of-it, like i have to start the day all over again. but in these new days of insomnia…sleeplessness…big swaths of night wide-awake…well, the circumstances are a little different.

it is much easier for – him – to take a nap.

fact of the matter is, it’s much easier for him to sleep. any time. any where. sleep. sleep. sleep.

i’m not sure how he does it, but he lays his head down and he’s gone. meanwhile, i am tossing and turning and trying to figure out why his even breathing is so utterly annoying. yes, i know – i am simply jealous of his sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.

and so, i thought i’d give it a chance – a daytime nap. i knew it would never work. i knew i’d lay down and be wide awake, despite being utterly exhausted. i knew the daylight would prevent me from sleeping. i knew he’d sleep in a second and i would be yearning to just get-up and do-something.

but i was wrong.

i guess i’m growin’ up.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this SATURDAY MORNING

SMACK-DAB. ©️ 2024 kerrianddavid.com

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the magic dots. [kerri’s blog on d.r. thursday]

the magic dots showed up. it is a happy day to wake up and see them.

with just the right angle of the sun and just the right angle of the miniblinds across the room on the east side windows of the bedroom, they sometimes – but not all the time – appear.

it is a little bit like fairy dust, the twinkle at the end of a magic wand, floating bubbles, glimpses of angel wings. and what could possibly not be good about all that?!

i have awakened in this room most of the 35 years i have lived here, save for bedroom rebuild/remodeling time and other moments here and there. with five windows, there is no shortage of light. it is bright and, though – like rooms in old houses – not big, it is airy.

it is spirit-lifting to wake up and see them…these magic dots dancing on the wall. and, during a time that is testing my spirit in more ways than i care to think about, i am grateful for the dots.

they poke at me, prodding me with mary oliver urgency – “what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” “eh??” they add. “well?” they insist.

they know – these magic dots – that there is much to be done. they know there is much to work through, to see to the other end, to process.

but seeing them reminds me to carry them with me. to not forget the fairy dust, the magic, the bubbles, wings in the middle of it all. to hold it all more lightly.

for, like, the magic dots, it will all disappear as the sun rises and the rays tilt in a different angle. with one turn of the miniblinds, they will be gone.

but in the meanwhile, they invite me to dance with them.

*****

read DAVID’s thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

WINGED mixed media 24″x20″

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lake cleavage. [kerri’s blog on two artists tuesday]

if you are averse to talking about cleavage, you should stop here.

because this lens…standing near the east windows of the milwaukee art museum…granted the lake cleavage…something i am – thanks to inheriting more genes from my dad than from my mom – unfamiliar with.

in a cleavage world it is tough to be a non-cleavage girl. not being endowed cuts in so many ways.

i clung onto the cleavage i had – for like five minutes – when i had my babies and was nursing, though i doubt it even counts as a nursing mom. still…i thought, “cleavage! wowza!” but it didn’t stick around. as soon as they were weaned, my cleavage was snatched from me. voila! back to none.

i’m not sure if the universe has a sense of humor about these things. i mean, who doles out the cleavage? and, here’s another important and relevant point: i must say, our society has a thing about it – cleavage, that is…not so much the universe – and bra companies like victoria’s secret grant the world’s best bras – with names and adjectives like “wicked” and “bombshell”, “miracle” and “fantasy” and “sexy illusions” – to people who “have it”. causing things like the day i cried in v’s secret. (read that glorious tale here.) it’s not a fair world out there.

so, it was a given i would walk up to the round lens on the east side of the museum, gaze out at lake michigan and see cleavage. for heaven’s sake!

i looked at david and told him, “look, even the lake has cleavage!!!”

he gazed back, weighing his response carefully. very carefully.

“ahhh, but it’s not a cutie-patootie like you!” he suavely replied.

uh-huh.

a cutie-patootie.

in this american society bent on what-we-are-shaped-like, i don’t think that’ll get me far.

*****

read DAVID’S thoughts this TWO ARTISTS TUESDAY

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